Poems, general writings, ravings, and other things.

this is interesting, one small critique is that the second line doesn't really work the way it seems to be intended. In other words, "alcoholic warnings" would mean the warnings were alcoholic, not about alcohol.

I agree with NikolaiI above.

I think the simile in the opening line isn't a good one - tank tops come in and out of fashion and more importantly replaceable. Is innocence like that? If that's what you wanted to imply then that's fine. Also, if you think about the order of events in the poem that first line might be better later on in the poem, at the moment it's just sitting there.

I particularly liked the your repetition of 'my love' at the end for a different meaning to when you first use it.

I liked it but it brought back a few memories of a certain young lady who couldn't handle her alcohol at all. and I still think about her 30 years later.

This is by far my most critiqued poem. Thank you all. I was debating on taking "alcoholic" out. But you have convinced me.
As for the tank top, I'm impling that she tossed her innocence away as fast as her top came off that night.

How does this sound?


His words were sweet and convincing
My warnings
Were not enough
To change your mind
As I walked out
Leaving you
With this sweet stranger
Innocence tossed aside as easily as your tank top
The morning wakes with a quiet moan
Head pounding
Sore beneath the sheets
Beneath the belt
Your innocence is forever lost
As is my love
For you,
My love


Thanks again everyone.

Trust me at my age the tank top made quite a bit of sense--related to that lady you have brought back very much to mind. So I prefer the original.

Ah, I didn't get that meaning of the tank top - about it being tossed aside literally, thought it was a metaphor.

I like the second version.