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I have had great trouble lately blogging. This is usually a result of two reasons. Nothing interesting (to me) to write about or the Drama Queen hosting a pity party.

As much as I hope on Judgement Day to pretend I didn't have any talents that were worth using on behalf of the Lord I actually do have a very great talent.

I can freely admit to being an idiot. The mid-life crisis was probably my most sinful fall but there have been others. Puting myself in line for a heart attack simply to get the Long Suffering Spouse to help more with bills (especially her own)--another fine example.

As a person gets older I have just found it easier to admit the foolishness rather then let pride add to the losing end. Saves much grief in the long run. I have discovered a cesspool of pride can result if the nonsense is confessed without due humility.

So small confession. I really really wanted a small recognition from a certain beloved moderator that I almost left the mortal coil and that I would be missed. Hasn't happened. Still confused and a bit hurt truth be told but in the real world beyond Litnet I am probably a small footnote in a life well led but the male ego has taken a hit. This by no means takes away from the well wishes I have received from others that have been of comfort. But it is symbolic of my place in the world. I am liked, perhaps loved a bit but not to a large degree as say I love rock and roll or Oreo cookies. I have not nor ever will be a star in the firnament of social cliques and I feel safer for the lack of exposure. When a star falls (as can happen unless God is very merifiul) the star never quite gets over the loss of fame and glory and it is sad to see the glory departed. I have been spared that at least in life.

Now the real confession. The other night I received a call (which I get roughly every two years or so) from the Interal Revenue Service regarding my back taxes. I have been behind for years and years and have slowly (snail style) been catching up. It's annoying but true. Now I was making levy payments of an average of $300 a month until last December when winter bills and medicine and everything began unraveling with Ruth's car payment added to the other bills she's not quite able to make on her own.

The agent (understandably) would like to know when I am going to pay the balance. I probably should not have said it but I blurted out I would probably die owing back taxes. The heart attack gets mentioned a little later just to be snarky as this agent was immune to life stories. Her desire was that--ready for this--I immediately STOP paying on my credit card bills and pay them instead. I'm not sure I heard her correctly. She repeats herself. I am stunned. A federal employee advising me to shirk just and honest debts just so Uncle Sugar can get HIS slice first. The Drama Queen whispered the President's name in my ear but I refuse to blame him. I have a supervisor who hates the current administration whereas I could care less who is in charge one way or the other. Hopefully this is snot a sign of the times. I joke back that my paying my debts is stimulating the economy which she flatly denies.
Three times she asks if I am refusing to pay my taxes. Three times I say no I am refusing to pay in the manner she prescribes. I am a bit rattled but trying hard to NOT give into the fear. They can do one thing to me that would cripple my get out of debt slowly but surely--hit my retirement check from the military. Then I would have real problems as I point out to her that I will NEVER be able to own a house in my lifetime. She bugs me enough that I bring up the military drawdown from 1991 that started my road to finanicial tightrope walking. Not her job to care. She records I refuse to cooperate and will be turned over to collections. I make a silent vow to not answer my phone anymore if caller ID is not to my liking and wish her well.

So the big confession. I freely and have always stated Uncle Sam is entitled to be paid while wishing they weren't so penalty happy. But NOW I confess that I am ashamed of my country for asking me to put them ahead of my personal debtors. Or at least some silly little agent. Also decided to put a little harder with the levies even if it's just tokens.

Good to get this out of my system. Logos--if you are out there--I still love you.