Insights from a person of questionable sanity

Sonnet (of sort)

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5 Comments

, 03-10-2009 at 10:42 AM (1876 Views)

Here is another attempt at writing a poem:

Tangled bed sheets soiled with regretted passion
Last night was the last time, she said, he said only
you I want. Heaped on the floor, face ashen,
with yearning, fingers clinging to his shirt, fondly.
Late sun’s rays and morning’s noise wakes her from sleep,
Sepia dreams of innocent bisque doll
gently fades away; now severed and cheap.
How lost – years lost! Misplaced love, it was all:
white lies, motel bills, false kisses,
unfulfilled promises, repressed toxic guilt,
such is the life of shelved mistresses
who are soon forgotten, and like flowers, wilt.
What thick veil covers the truth and how true
love is fiddled away by those we falsely woo.

Updated 03-10-2009 at 11:27 AM by optimisticnad

Categories: Creative Writing

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Comments

jon1jt - 03-10-2009 05:23 PM
Wow this is really good. You create a dreamy world, like glass---beautiful and yet with hairline crack. The lovers straddling the boundary between love and what could have beens. Beautiful.
optimisticnad - 03-10-2009 06:13 PM
Thank you but nowhere near as good as yours or others. *Sigh* (there, that sigh was a hint!)
Virgil - 03-10-2009 07:37 PM
This is rather good Opti. DOn't be so qick to put it down. Writing a sonnet in contemporary diction. I think you did it for all but the concluding couplet. I think there your diction reversed to Shakespeare's. It is rather hard to capture modern diction with a pentameter couplet. Perhaps if you used a slant rhyme rather than a perfect rhyme.
kiz_paws - 03-10-2009 10:35 PM
Sepia dreams of innocent bisque doll

Wow!
Enjoyed the sonnet muchly, Opti!
jon1jt - 03-10-2009 10:57 PM
Well, some will tell you my newer poems are Bukowski trash. They like some of the the other ones, thankfully.

This is a damn good poem, trust me. I like how it creates an atmosphere, pulling me into the fold, like I was there too.

Too many lines to quote that I really like.

love is fiddled away by those we falsely woo.

Wow