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Just prior to spending citizen's tax dollars on a free ride courtesy of the United States Air Force to unimpressive downtown Dayton for a new life experience I am alone with my thoughts and starting to appreciate the gravity of my situation. That I was totally to blame for my predicament was all too obvious now and expecting Ruth to step up had been a trip down to the Brady Bunch universe. Let the record show that each month of very tight budgeting STILL would have allowed for medicine (close to $100 monthly) but I did not want to be LATE on any of my bills and was also trying to send tax money levies in and support my vastly underrated hobby that only son James seems to understand the vital place it holds in the affections.

It would be the following Monday that Ruth would reveal that she was blaming herself for all this. Now as far as I knew even with my skewed version of events I have met no one who knows me and the Long Suffering Spouse that EVER thinks real evil of her. Not for a moment would they accuse her of more then daydreaming about roasting comic books over a slow fire and making me watch while she recites Macbeth's witches' curse and throw in some verses from Leviticus. I do my best to assure her it really was me in full pride bloom and not dealing with REAL life maturely. I swear on the blood of the Lord Christ that fooling around with the meds is over and the kids had a few reasons to know that WHEN that oath is invoked it is NOT broken which is why I so rarely do that fully aware of Bibilical responsibilities in that area. It was a deterrent to the Guttersnipes when they were younger that the line was being stepped on and I would gladly bring the ax down with a fanatic's zeal. One lesson was enough for them as I recall. The second time it almost happened they backtracked in real fear of consequences. Then they turned 15 and became apostates for awhile. Sigh.

At any rate Monday the stress caught up to Ruth that day but she is fine now and life is moving on.

So to return to Thursday I'm mulling over my sins and wondering which one of three major ones is being addressed by putting me out of action when a young captain who had been on and off treating me asks how I am doing.

It had to mean something because I did not think I was in a particularly confessional mood though as a Protestant I have often coveted having my own personal Catholic confessor to bore to death week after week--control and power freak--yeah!!! I replied having a little trouble forgiving myself for some things.

She replies God can forgive any sin. I go thru my standard I believe in the Lord and know He forgives sin but have trouble on my end with it. She is young enough in spiritual things to NOT realize the great evil of pride and unbelief inherent in this quandary as she gives me the quick simple Gospel in a nutshell--believe and live. I smile and thank her for her comforting thoughts and begin to think about God in the details going on and start to relax a bit.

I have been noticing all along that no one has seemed too awful concerned about my expiration date so that is probably a good sign.

The base ambulance driver and his assistant approach and introduce themselves. To my immense satisfaction my attendant in the van is a senior master sergeant. One rank below chief. And I a lowly retired technical sergeant--a glorified clerk at that. There is balance to the universe. Many petty humililations at the hands of top 3 NCOs have been avenged at last--it's good to be retired. Rank becomes nothing anymore though I have never been overly abusive about it.

I am loaded into the ambulance and I begin to think about prayer support. Meaningful prayer support. Nice as my church can be they are NOT famous for long attention spans and I want someone with power with God. I call Mary Sue (AndaveYa) and God rewards me with her mother. Better--mature prayer warrior. My ego is very pleased with the alarm and calm demeanor and faith in God's providences she displays. I request the word put out to Litnet and begin wondering how soon the tears will fall from Logos' eyes at the potential loss of her greatest admirer. The hurried snatching up of the phone. The frantic call to say stay with us Mtpspur and maybe someday you'll use more then five adjectives in your blog over and over again. Dreams. Fantasy. Delusional anyone???

Sirens are on the entire trip which shaves at least five minutes off a normal trip down to the Dayton Heart Hospital and the sergeant and I discuss his career and prospects and even teaching your kids to make their own decisions about their beliefs in general and I wish I knew him back when in the active duty. I had all the Operations power mongers to deal with back then.

We arrive in the rear of the hospital and I am in fine spirits for now. And about to get better and amused all at once. The base had advised the hospital I was on the way but the clerk had failed to tell the second floor people (Room 226) and oops let me get on that. I laugh and chat for a minute as she paves the way--the receptionist didn't think we'ld get there so fast.

I was placed on the most comfortable bed I have been on in my life and would be it's prisoner for the two days where that comfort would slowly turn into a maddening war of nerves on how much moving around I could do without making the all the tubes stuck in me get pulled out. This happened only once thank goodness.

There are two ladies who are my assigned caretakers who give me a quick run-down. A little too quick in some instances but I try very hard not to work them to death. For the life of me I can't remember any of my banter but I must have made an impression because when the money lady finally showed up she said she had heard all about my sense of humor. I correct her by telling her she probably heard how sexy I was and the humor was incidental.

The menu is studied with great disdain as I see very little I'm willing to call my last meal on earth. The attendent reads my mind and tells me whether I eat or not it costs the same so have at it. I spot pot roast and gravy and to my surprise and delight it is delicious. The other one senses some of my fears that are slowly cracking thru the veneer and I am somewhat relieved I'm not really fooling anyone.

My deacon and his wife arrive and stay a bit. I'm on the phone with Brandy and Tonya calls (twice)--turns out she thinks SHE started my heart attack from that argument the other night--I found that out Monday also. Monday gets a blog to itself I think. Son Dan calls irrate that he finds out about me from an e-mail from daughter Sandy. Sandy had told Ruth she'ld notify the boys. Sandy and he have issues. Mike and Sandy arrive later and stay a bit. Felt bad dragging them all the way in from Wilmington. I must have seemed out of it as later Mike tells me Ruth wanted to know if Mike wanted to be a pallbearer on Friday I guess. When I find that out I quickly remind Ruth that the ladies of AAA are on the Pallbearer committee formed every year when Snapjaws is brought back to life for as short a lawnmowing season as I can make it. Guess Ruth was more frazzled then I thought. She hid it well.

She does comes through with the Avengers (all three of their current ongoing titiles) and Justice Society of America and Green Lantern plus that book I had ordered. A reprint of the first Ki-gor story from the pulp magazine Jungle Stories from 1938--think grade B Tarzan with a more interesting Jane (read sexy) and you have the gist. To my dismay the story is only 20 pages long. Lasted 59 quartrly issues and got longer and better as they went.

Getting a bit long winded so I'll try to finish up the hospital stay next entry.

NEXT: The Operation---Noooo the Procedure or a lesson in semantics