Silas Thorne's Journal

Haha quite sensual, I rather enjoyed this one

"eating pawpaw/a dog, I lap you up/drops budding beads" Now that's what I'm talking about, Silas, damn this is good---no, I mean damn good, esp that pawpaw line, but the others too...yippeee!

Okay, only suggestion is get rid of "luscious" and either replace it with another word or leave it go with 'crimson lips' as the next line tells us the lips are desirous. Anything with the color crimson is desirous, actually. Hey don't listen to me it's your pomey, I'm just a spectator.

And the arrangement of these lines have the feel of something dropping

Originally Posted by silas

drop down your back
sweat

drops

I'm a voyeur, I admit it. I mean, think about it...how can a poet not be one?

Thanking you both with smiles and candy. jon, I thought about it and I don't need luscious after all. Good suggestion, it's juicy enough as it is.

And yes, the dropping feeling in the lines, think I learnt that from reading one of the Prince's poems. Wanted to get that feel into it, slow down the pace a little, drop a trickle.

Actually Riesa holds the title for best drop sensation in a poem. Can't recall the name of that one though, but it really DROPS.