Reflections on the puddle of life

There are a number of subtle but telling effects in this, To begin with the way

these days are behind us

.

later becomes

Those days are behind us

and the ambiguity of

and somewhere along the way
we stopped falling.

Similarly, is it a good or a bad thing that

we chose the straight line;
the long, smooth road leading to another place
where the danger
lies only in a failure to arrive,
pristine,
the embodiment of light.

and there is a frisson of anxiety about what lies

up and over, and on to the other side.

I enjoyed your poem, Fifth. In particular, the verse

but we were like them once:
bright pennies reflecting the light,
spinning, under the same sky.
Until the future claimed us,

Those words I read a few times, trying to absorb that message. Beautiful!

This is beautiful. I love it. I love the verse kiz quoted.

There is definitely good stuff in this poem Fifth. I love the central image, the extended metaphor of the boys playing. I do think it can be tightened. For instance in the beginning of the first two stanzas you have this elocution: You make a declarative statement and then follow it up with a pronoun explaining it, "It is..." Wouldn't it be tighter and cleaner by making the second sentence into a modifying phrase. Like this:

Boys are playing under the overpass,
the other side of summer –
cracked flags, ice-cream cone clouds,
the violence of heat and storm:
these days are behind us.

and

Their skateboards crack against the flags now,
a peculiar kind of grace:
circling, absorbed in itself,
loud in movement and form.

My favorite part of the poem is this:

A boy falls,
tricks himself into being something he is not;
returns: grit-burned but not broken,
and moves on.

Love the rhythm of that, and despite my age I can still remember when I was a boy and experienced that exactly.

but we were like them once:
bright pennies reflecting the light,
spinning, under the same sky.
Until the future claimed us,

Like the others here I too like the bright penny image, but I don't care for "Until the future claimed us." Somewhat of a cliche and it's an abstract notion personified. Not my preference.

For me the ending seemed weak though, a little too pontificating.

and somewhere along the way
we stopped falling.

Until we chose the straight line;
the long, smooth road leading to another place
where the danger
lies only in a failure to arrive,
pristine,
the embodiment of light.

We rise above them now
as the road starts to climb;
up and over, and on to the other side.

It needs something here at the end, a crytalized image. But I do think the heart of this poem is strong.

Thanks guys, definitely food for thought