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Back to Life (Again)

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by
mtpspur
, 12-05-2008 at 04:17 AM (1150 Views)
The Bible is full of well and lesser known acts of faith and obedience to God. One of the very greatest is that of Abraham offering up his son Isaac as a sacrifice to God for which he was highly blessed as a result. Having often wanted to murder my guttersnipes in their teen years I probably have not appreciated that story as it should properly be revered.

For me there is a very simple 2 verse incident in the Bible that never fails to scare the daylights out of me and show me exactly how unwilling and fearful I am to obey God let alone trust Him.

Exodus 4:3-4. God tells Moses to pick up a snake BY THE TAIL. To my reading satisfaction Moses takes off running in verse 3 but repents and comes thru in verse 4.

Not me Bucko. I would have to be a very very changed man to overcome a very real fear of reptiles. Can't do it can't do. Beter chance of me eating cucumbers then willingly touching a snake. Oddly enough I have no problem with insects which I am often called upon in AAA Dispatch to eliminate.

My absence of late has been caused by a number of things which are tissue thin in the light of day.

First off a major case of the Bored to Tears. Much as I like a predictable life even I get stifled by the sameness of it all. Once in a blue moon would like to push the boundaries a bit and live a little. But I find the occasional detour to the wild side of life fraught with its own rules and regulations and high/low expectations that can drive a fellow crazy if he lets his wits abandon him. I have been pampered here at Litnet with all the civilized folk here. Other forums have some very nice and some very not so nice people lurking about.

The other factor has been my discovery that I just don't miss my mother as I would like to say I do. I feel a genuine sense of relief she's gone and a horror at how much of my thought life and feelings and actions were dancing to her tune--even if she wasn't aware she was playing one. I'm finding a reservoir of emotions I don't know how to safely unleash because of the frustrations of a wasted life have finally caught up to me and I am NOT the man I never was in my own mind.

But the past week I have calming down and trying to give my heart (in all its foulness and deceitfulness and vainity) back to those who deserve better from me. The Long Suffering Wife for instance. Of late we have been quarreling one day, cooing around the next. I have been driving her crazy. Her car is doing well thank you. Mine is hanging in there oil leak and all.

AAA is pretty much the same. No Christmas bonus this year. The ecomony they say. I smile. Ruth and I have lived payday to payday for so many years this is NORMAL for us so I really am having troubles seeing the problem especially since gas is finally affordable again.

Anyway this entry is devoted to a lady nicknamed PreciousWish (from another forum) who has brightened my day a time or two.

I think the worse is over for now. Time to start living again.

Updated 12-13-2008 at 01:14 AM by mtpspur

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Comments

  1. sprinks's Avatar
    Well it's good to hear that things seem to be getting better in a way . I don't think I could do the snake thing. Even when I know the snake is not deadly, I still freak out!
  2. Logos's Avatar
    I think we all go through phases like that, well I do anyway of being bored, things aren't as shiny as they used to be, but glad you know by now you're "pampered" here, I think you've earned it Rich and you're time here has *not* been wasted!
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    Well, I go through phases like that too. Actually I was thinking along those lines at work this week. It's been a whole week of writing agreements and documents that has bored me to tears. And I have a fair amount still to do that will last me till Christmas.

    But as to your mother, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I think you're still "dancing to her tune." I've noticed you have mentioned her a couple of times lately and now this expression. She obviously has been on your mind. I don't think this is a bad thing. For better or worse she shaped you to some degree, she is a part of you, and you can't and probably shouldn't completely break free. I hope you make peace with it because you'll be making peace with a part of yourself.
  4. kiz_paws's Avatar
    Well, truth be told, I'd have issues about picking up a snake by the tail. I am not afraid of snakes, it is just the idea of handling a reptile like that can lead to trouble, especially if we have not been introduced...

    About general boredom, I think that everyone has a bout of that from time to time. I think that can be a positive thing in the end, as it leads us to try things differently, to think of things differently, and just the new experiences will dispel the boredom. It is times like that that I find myself attempting different pieces on the piano (like some Beethoven instead of the usual sad-sounding Chopin, stuff like that, ya know?)

    It doesn't surprise me that you are not missing your mother; from what you have written here in your blog, you have a lot of issues regarding her that will take a long time to mull over and find peace over. I'd not think of your life as a 'wasted' life -- I say this because every experience in one's life adds to the patchwork world that one lives in. We have good and bad patches, but overall, the patchwork looks nice and feels right. I have a few patches with holes that barely hang in there, but then I am no different than anyone else out there. That is how I come to grips with this crazy thing called LIFE.