A Little Bit of Everything

I wrote this about a friend...so some of the things are sort of h2bt but I still like the poem...

Lost ... and Found?

I thought to myself today
I lost a friend
and my heart broke
I felt a piece
fall to the sidewalk
to be trampled.

the piece was filled with
memories
of ice cream and laughter
painted nails
and painted faces
tears and hugs
more ice cream
long talks and straightened hair
silence and writing

it was filled with with childhood
and rocks over fences
and make believe
and dresses
rainy days and sunshine

and it hurt when it fell
I snatched the piece back up
but it wouldn't fit together again
because the piece had changed
it didn't fit
the best friend necklaces
weren't puzzle pieces anymore
they'd grown apart
I prayed
I hoped
I used duct tape
and glue
but the day harsh words
were thrown easily
in our faces
it all fell apart
and I can't put it together
again
and it falls again along with my tears
to the pavement

where's the laughter
and the sharing?
the trusting?
I cannot find it

I am lost.

I have lost a friend
today
I told myself again...

no.

I have lost a sister...

Even worse.

I have lost half
of my heart.

I felt the life run out
of me
draining from my eyes
I hear harsh words from my mouth
do I mean them
no?
I don't know why
I respond the way I do
is it fear?
Is it hopelessness?

I search for hope
and find none.
God alone is there for me
I long to run to my mother
to comfort me but I don't
she can't dry these tears
I must be silent
for I can't lose that trust
you may have hidden in your heart
if you thought
I might "tattle tale"
or run to mother
to get you in trouble
like the days
long past
when I wore my hair in pigtails
and life was easy
If you thought I'd returned
to such a low place
there would be no hope
So God alone is there

So I pray
for me
for you
for us
for hope

for I find none right now
even now
I have trouble writing
as the screen blurs

I have lost a friend today
can it be fixed?
if I humble myself
if I say I'm sorry
if I find out why
the trust was broken
and fix it
would we be fixed?

I'd do anything.

But I have a nagging feeling
that I lost a friend today
I lost my heart today
I lost my life today
I lost my hope today

Tell me

Can it be fixed?