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It really used to be fun and a break in the monotony to play detective with AAA members. Top question usually is---who is REALLY with the car? I tell the tow drivers I dispatch that I read the emergency road service request like I do the Bible--literally.

But since the Bible has different translations (usually used as an excuse by lazy readers and believers NOT to study it very hard and I plead guilty) so too can a simple ticket provided by my ineptly trained band of calltakers that I'm not allowed to pick on. Careful worded encouragments to find out if car is headed northbound or southbound can be asked between their video games they play more and more. But never imply they are doing less then their best at obtaining data. Should have heard the weeping and gnashing of teeth when IP took away the personal e-mail programming.

Anyhow Molly B. wants her car unlocked on the street identified as located at E 4th and Main st. I send a fleet driver over to render due assistance and up his call count for the day. When a service truck is on the way I duly call Molly and instead end up talking to Scott B. It's getting late so I don't even bother asking about Molly hiding behind the Would You Please Tell Molly the Truck is on the Way ploy. I mention location given hoping he'll walk in my little trap. The idea is to trick him into giving me a landmark to aid in the hunt since the word intersection is nowhere to be found in reading provided data. I know I could have just asked him but I believe the calltakers are paid to do that. I'm so lazy I don't even care who Scott is--son, nephew, husband--who cares?

My driver finds the car in a PARKING LOT near the Obama campaign headquarters with no one in sight. Now I had told Scott we were only a few minutes away but it is a little chilly out. Let's give it a minute. I redial him and go instantly to annoyed grizzley mode when a boring voice mail message is my reward for follow-up. All is well in about three minutes as he shows up and car is unlocked.

But the grizzley wants something to chew on. Nice plump calltaker (with barbeque sauce--mmmm good). Time to build character in a calltaker. My driver informed me that Scott had used up all his calls and was using Molly's membership. That's fine--no big deal but ticket said I should expect Molly and I use that to screw with calltaker Brenda's head. If a AAA member exceeds their annual use of four emergency road service calls we have the option to charge $50 just for showing up. Long term members are usually excused from this. Sounds awful until you figure the cost of paying for a tow yourself at station rates. Not so great for the service calls like lockouts and jump starts. Great incentive for keeping better track of your keys bar none. Or learning to change your own tire.

My fleet driver is safely back in dispatch so calltaker Brenda should know the car is unlocked when I call her with THE NEWS.

"Hey Brenda I had to charge that kid out there $50 to get his car unlocked."

Sound of jaw dropping.

The next word is HuuuuH!!!!!

If you guessed the next two words were "You what!!!!" you would be right.

"I had to--the ticket said Molly was with the car and some family member Scott was there and he was out of calls. Molly has to approve using her membership and only phone niumber I had is for Scott B" spoken in my most what can I do rules are rules tone and what a crappy thing I have to do some nights.

Brenda is making noises of the horrified oh what have I done variety.

"Yep Jim (fleet driver) is dropping off the money here right now."

If Brenda knew policy she would KNOW that was a lie. All collected money goes to the station (#0011) that we rent our six fleet drivers from. But calltakers are blissfully unaware of my trials and tribulations so the trap closes nicely.

"Well she said she was around the corner and would send her son over."

"Oho nooo! Why didn't you type that in the ticket??" Sounding suitably dismayed and concerned for an injustice committed on my watch but very close now to busting up in mocking laughter.

Brenda is now flustered and probably wondering if she'll be docked $50. I finally crack up and tell her it's all good but on the other hand details details details. What if I really had been in one of my Let's Follow the Rules Draconian style mode? Something to think about.

Ahhh calltaker character building and life affirmation lessons--nice break in the monotony.

NEXT: A telephone pole, a girlfriend, a phone call, an insurance problem--none of which I wanted to deal with--lucky me.