Life

The Marines take a very dim view of their 'elite' tampering with young civilian ladies. You can make his life very very miserable with one phone call to his commanding officer and I highly recommend it. As a militry retiree I take personal GIs preying on the young ones. I helped get my niece out of a slightly different situation about a year or two ago and have never regretted my actions--I had my sister report him and that fool had left threats on a voice mail which played nicely to the First Segreant. Just saying. Now is a time to heal and rebuild--my prayers go with you but I suspect it will not be easy. razor do seem to be the weapon of choice for ladies I have unfortunately been acquainted with over the years. Sigh

Anza, love, I'm so sorry. You're in my prayers, honey, and if there was any way I could be there for you I would. As it is I can only try to show my support by these comments, but honestly, I respect you for living through these hard times and having a sister like that without splitting in two. I forget how hard life is for you when I see you so cheery and kind on the LitNet. Take care of yourself, ok?

Oh my God Anza. I don't know what to say. Actually your parents can do more than what mtspur says. I would start with that, telling the commanding officer what happened. Next they should call the police. You don't say what the sheriff did. If he's 25 and she 15, that's statutory rape and he's in trouble. Big trouble. Your parents should not let this go. He will only do this again. I just hope your poor sister gets better.

But, there is something I don't quite understand. You are in a relationship with someone older, you are judged by society because of this, and you judge your sister and the guy she's been having sex with because he is 25? I know there is a lot more about this situation, but still, I think she has the right to be with whoever she likes, whatever he mental state is.

I judge her because she is sneaking around!
If she would have been open and honest about it with our parents from the start it would have been different. Zach is NO ONE you would bring home to Christmas Dinner, while Thomas is. I met Thomas at the Museum-- she met Zach sneaking out, and getting drunk. Thomas calls me "sweetheart" "Babe" "my love"-- Zach refers to her as her tight p***y (sorry, Logos, if you've gotta moderate that one...) Thomas respects me-- Zach can't even respect himself. There are minors all over Zach's Facebook. He snuck out with Nicki often-- that's how Sunny met him; sneaking out with Nicki. He took her virginity when she was 14-- Thomas and I will not even declare ourselves each other's until I am of age. Thomas would never touch me inappropriately, even if I wanted him to before 18-- Zach f***ed my sister.
Without my parents knowledge.
And 1/2 the time without protection.
And then he CONTINUALLY lies about it. He doesn't give a s*** about anyone or anything beyond his useless self.
~~~
Zachary is the scum of the Earth, and if I EVER see his face again, I will see it bruised and bloodied before I NEVER see him again. And I shall beat him senseless, myself.
~~~
There is no way you can compare the two. Thomas is not a pedofile--
Zach is.

Well, if my whole family did to me what yours is doing to Sunny, it would certainly drive me insane. Because you judge that this guy should not be with her, you forbid her to see him and accuse him of being a pedophile. You should know, in your situation, that there are many people out there who would think that they have good reasons to think that Thomas and you should not be dating. There will always be people who will judge other people's relationships, and I am pretty sure that some people would say that Thomas has a problem for dating someone your age. Now you are happy with him and that is all that counts, because you know better than any other people and it is your private life, so you should be the only one to decide. Well, that is the same concerning Sunny. Whether she chose to confide in you or not about dating this guy is her business. Apparently she had good reasons to think that she should not tell her family, and seeing your reaction today, I understand. It just makes me sad. Whether she wanted to have sex at 14 is her business, it's her body. Whether she tells her parents about it is her business. This is private. And now, because of this mess and of people who think they have the right to decide for the others, she finds herself in a psychiatric hospital. You accuse Zach of being responsible for the blood on your bed, but she did this after you all judged her. You judge her because she's sneaking around. And so what? That's her life. What if someone forbid you to ever see Thomas again? It is your choice to decide if Thomas is good enough for you, not any other people's choice. It is not because you hate this Zach that everyone must hate him too. If you hate him, just stay away from him but do not expect the whole world to do so. There will always be things that you will do that will not please your family, but they will please you and that's enough. Of course Zach lies about having sex with her, because if he told the truth there would be tons of people accusing him of rape. You do the same with Thomas, you force yourself not to hold hands in front of people because you know that if you do, there will be judgements. I don't know why you always compare everything to you and Thomas anyway because you two are different people with different points of view about what you think is good or not. But Sunny is not you. She has to make her own experiences her own way and see what she is ok with or not. I don't know, it tends to revolt me when I see things like this.

Having sex with someone 14 or younger is carnal abuse. That’s more than statutory rape and carries a much stiffer punishment.

I’m sorry that your family is having such a trying time.

Anza, it is in no way your fault that your sister has the problems that she does. You did the right thing when you told your parents about this boy. You acted out of love in her best interest. I know this has been a very hard time for you and i know that you've had a heavy heart for your sister and your entire family. She is very lucky to have a family that is concerned for her well being. She needs all of you so much.

It must be so hard for you to have to go through this all... He does deserve to be punished seeing as what he did was illegal. My parents disagreed with my relationship with my boyfriend at the beginning, because unlike my past ones, it was very secretive, but they didn't realise that the reason it was so secretive was because they weren't exactly making it easy for us to be together. So I get how the whole sneaking around thing is an issue that just makes things even worse. I hope you and your family all stay strong, and that somehow this gets better, and that he gets the punishment he deserves. *hugs*

Thank you Spur, Andave, Virg, and MotherH, for your support.
Sweets, we would not have judged her if she had not snuck around in the first place. Had she met him-- even in the most dishonest of circumstances-- and properly introduced him, it would have been different.
As for comparing her with Thomas and I, you brought it up in that light-- I meant only to follow suit.
As it is, she has taken advantage of my trust (and burdened me with her secrets for almost a year), my parents' trust, and my grandmother's trust. She snuck out one night at Grandma's, got caught, wove another lie, and swore grandma to secrecy.
As for telling on her and it being her body-- There have already been TWO pregnancy scares. What am I supposed to do? Wait until she is pregnant? We cannot afford an abortion, and she cannot afford a child. She is a Sophomore in High School.
And I do not expect the rest of the world to hate him, so long as they don't expect me not to, interfere with me doing so, or question it.
He. Raped. My. Sister.
As a minor, the law doesn't think she knows what she wants. It is proven that at this age, if a girl has intercourse, she becomes driven by the want to have more, and nothing else.
They were f***-buddies. Whether they loved each other or he brainwashed her, it is still wrong. He's nine and a half years older than her. He sneaks Nicki out often.
Lord knows what other children find themselves in his car instead of their beds at night.
If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I shall not hold you from it, but I sure as h*** won't.

There is a reason there are set ages of accountability for minor/adult behavior. Like it or not a 14 year old young lady probably (to be kind) does not have the judgement/skills and above all the finances to BACK UP her decisions. That hospital bill won't be cheap--did she have the right to put that on her parents?? She helped cause 'Zack' to breal all sorts of Military Code of Justice laws and I see a fine future in Leavenworth ahead for him if I even knew where he was stationed. Ahhh your defense of bad behavior and pointing out the contrats is admirable (to a degree) and shows you a advocate but the law holds the adults accountable for their guttersnipes behavior. I did not particularly enjoy having my son leave the house of his volition in a rage in 1999 and I still would be held responsible for any mischief he might have gotten himself into by virtue of being his parent. I find the kids that defend THEIR rights to be bad rarely acknowledge the rights of those in the position to have to dela wit the fallout. So--no sympathy here except for Anza and Anza has a rough 3 years ahead on her own just doesn't know it yet. With respect submiited as a cautionary voice of warning-Rich

Your saying that it would have been different if she had not lied to you makes me doubt, because from what you say here, it seems that you would still have disagreed with the whole thing and tried to do whateter you could have done to make him go away from her. What surprises me greatly is that you all talk about the law without even questionning it. The law is the law and that's all, it seems. That reminds me of Milgram's experiments on authority. He did not rape her if she agreed to have sex with him. She wanted to be with him, and whatever her reasons for this were, this was her right. If she wants to have a ****ing-buddy, that's her choice. That's not her fault if you disagree with it. That's not because a law doesn't think she knows what she wants that the law is true. I cannot believe you react this way while you are yourself ina situation which is judged as being wrong by many people. You even say that even if they loved each other, it is wrong! How can you judge like this?

I knew from the beginning, Sweets!
H*** my parents would be just as pissed with me if I was sneaking around with Thomas, but they are understanding of me and of him because I told them everything at once.
They are the same parents. We are the same age. They raise us THE SAME!!!
The same, Sweets. Had she been truthful, as I have been, she would not be in this place.

I must say that it is grossly inappropriate for anyone to condemn or blame you for your sister’s mental health.

I judge like this because they knew they were wrong. By sneaking around in the darkest hours of night they admitted they were wrong-- an innocent man never runs.
And the first person she had to lie to in this whole process is herself, and nothing sickens me more.

I think that by sneaking out, they did not "know they were wrong", they only knew that many people would think they were wrong. And when people think you are wrong, they try to ruin things for you. I find it truly absurd that you all put the law forward. If the law had said that it was wrong to have sex with kids under the age of 13, then you all would have said it is ok when you are 14, because the law says it. Or with the law as it is, it is ok for a kid to have sex when he is 14 years old and one day. Whatever number the law decides on, people are going to agree with it because it is the law? Rape has nothing to do with age, it only has to do with consent. I wish people could learn how to think by themselves instead of relying on what was said to them or what is written in books. The law is a sentence about a general statement. Your sister is a human being with feelings. She might have mental problems (as judged by people who have decided on what it is to be sane), she might live in a totally different world from yours, but she has her own way of dealing with life. What I mean is that when you do things for people's "well-being", you often make things worse for them because what you do is related to your way of seeing things, not theirs. To me, that is not showing them that you love them.

So I should have let her explain to my mom and dad why she was pregnant, when that fast-approaching bridge was crossed?
Wrong is wrong, Sweets. You don't need to be having sex if you don't have the means to support the consequences thereof-- i.e. A CHILD. Especially not when you don't understand the rights you are entitled, which shall only be yours when you are of age. She is still a minor. Technically it is not her body. I understand freedoms, but she cannot choose to ruin her life if her parents are against it.
Not until she's 18.
Unfortunately, she's done a d*** good job of that, as it is now.

Anza, I'm very sorry you and your family are going through such a difficult situation right now, you seem very upset and angry, rightly so. I'm also very sorry that your sister is going through such a troubled time and is in so much pain. I'm glad you've posted here about this and able to vent about it a little.

As a moderator I am just going to ask you about 2 things:

please, _reconsider_ having this image of your sister publicly posted here, for any and all to see, members of the site or not.

I'm also asking that you please remove the full real life name of this person from one of your comments.

--

It is not her body. Ok, you summed it up, thank you. This saddens and shocks me a lot and I think I will never understand humans. I might retreat in the mountains earlier than planned. Anyway, I'm not going to piss you off any longer with this because I made my point. I will certainly agree with you on lots of other subjects but some things just make me nauseous.

That you would condone this, Sweets, makes me nauseous.
You are as entitled to your opinion as I am to mine, though. And I shall respet it because it is yours.
Logos, I humbly comply. *bows*