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This is my Happy Place!

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by
Anza
, 09-27-2008 at 05:35 PM (1946 Views)
I was going to blog about all that I've been up to lately, but I see no point. So I've decided to post about the greatest thing of all... I have finally found that which everyone seeks. I have finally found true, enduring love.
So this is love. It is so powerful and beautiful it threatens to bring me to my knees. I want to cry that I have been blessed with such a person. Thomas. It is a wonderful feeling to call someone yours, but even greater to call yourself his.
Love is concern for another, beyond the simple care for a human being. It is willingness to pledge yourself to him. It is endurance of years. And best of all, it is mutual.
As I sit here and put a soundtrack to my life, more and more love songs pop up. And what I once thought were exaggerated lyrics, are truths-- and I know how it feels to be in love. It is not being nervous around him-- it is being completely comfortable. It is not just thinking about him all the time-- it's the feeling you get when you do. It is a complete disregard for differences, which makes you realize how Romeo and Juliet did it... that is, abandoned their feud, and families for one lifetime together.
Unlike the Shakespearean couple, Thomas and I will NOT be cheated out of our lifetime. We shall have each other forever.
I miss him when I saw him yesterday.
This is part of a conversation we had. I he asked me what I saw in him. I answered, and asked what he saw in me...
~~~~~
Lets see, aside from your stunning beauty? Lets see, obviously brilliant, and though I haven't heard you play, your dedication to cello is amazing. Actually your dedication to just about everything is amazing to me. But beyond all that, you're still a warrior on the inside. That's pretty rare these days.

Hope you're sleepin' well!

Love you too ♥

Night, Amber.


Amber Houston
September 26 at 5:30pm

The last part really struck me. I suppose you've figured me out. I don't think I am particularly pretty, but your persistence is making me question that... But... I do feel that I've a warrior's heart, and belong more in ancient times as Boudicca, the Celtic Warrior-Queen who called Nero a pansy, and later defeated him in battle. I trust few people, I have an agressive personality, I am overly competitive. I carry myself with an arrogant pride, and bear acidic sarcasm with more grace than I could bear gentleness. I behave impulsively and irrationally. My personality is bold, and slightly acrid. And it seems out of place in this era. I especially will not allow people to touch me that I do not trust very well, though many would consider it an honor.
For you, on the other hand, the honor is your entitlement; never be afraid to touch me-- I am yours. My heart belongs in your care, my hand in your hand, your arm around my waist. Every part of me belongs to and with you.
And I am not ashamed of feeling this way, though I'm guessing I should be... I don't know... For once, I am confused.
But I know with every beat of my heart that I love you, and when I am fully a woman (Oh, were that three years but shorter!) I still shall. You are everything I'll ever want and need. You are sweet and kind, but protective; gentle, and beautiful, and masculine. Chivalry has not died in you yet. You treat me as if I am a lady, even though I am still legally a child. You are encouraging, bright, and humorous. In your eyes, I see my future, and there's nowhere else I'd rather it be. ♥
~~~~~
And he is mine, and I am happy. And I don't care that he is twenty, and he doesn't care that I'm fifteen. And my parents are okay with it, and the Volunteer coordinator knows and approves, and Marc (who I expected to eat my face off) "awwed" at me, and said that he approved, and when I asked why he wasn't killing me, it was beause Thomas was one of his best friends, and "not a creep."
And three years from now, I'll be 18 and he'll be 23, and we can be with each other for the rest of our lives. This just feels so right. And for now the ring I have so long worn on my right hand ring finger has moved to my left hand, as my personal indication of being taken, as I shall be for the rest of my life.
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Comments

  1. Virgil's Avatar
    True and forever love at fifteen? Hmm, At fifteen I thought there must have been true and forever love every other week. But I wish you the very best Anza.
  2. Sweets America's Avatar
    I think that true love can happen anytime, really. I'm not sure I believe in true love because I really don't know, but one door in my mind is open to the possibility. It is nice that you're feeling so good. My conception of love is different now, especially the "I am yours and you are mine" part because I think that we can never possess someone's desire and that we can never possess someone at all. The good thing is when they stay with you because they made the choice to do so. I like the idea that it is better to love someone out of compassion than out of a desire to say "he is mine", because true compassion and caring will not go away even if the person hurts you whereas the other kind of love might go away if you are disappointed in the person (I'm aware that the difference between the two might not really be easy to make). Anyway, do enjoy your time and the things you will discover in him, and enjoy the companionship, and share. I wish you the best.
  3. mtpspur's Avatar
    Of the numerous times I have been 'in love' usually ending in a tears of a clown' there were degrees of commitment/desire/love/affection and just plain old lust but when I met the long suffering one I could myself growing OLD with HER unlike many of the others that would have a flash in the pan and of short fiery duration. For the record at age 15 you 'think' older then I expect one of that age to be so with that I concur an appropriateness to you. Now a fellow of such advanced years of 20--don't think that much--they still tend to need a two by four approach. Young men (and speaking only in a genral sense) start acting responsibly around age 26 so his lack of concern about your age is of some small concern but no great surprise. Guard the heart well. Much can occur in three years to both of you. With respect and affection--submitted Rich
    Updated 10-05-2008 at 11:28 PM by mtpspur
  4. kiz_paws's Avatar
    I am happy that you are so happy, Anza, but I really liked what Rich said so eloquently. So take care and just wallow in this happy place!
  5. Anza's Avatar
    Thomas needs no two by four approach or as David said in an email a couple days ago (a quote I'm seriously adopting) "Nothing says 'I'm unavailible' like a charged stun gun to the throat."
    No, my friends, none of that is necessary. He is even more apprehensive than I am... He questions the social correctness to it, but loves me all the same. It is something he'll have to work through, and I expect him to have a harder time of it than me, as he is the one in love with someone so much younger. I would have issues as a 20 year old in love with someone 15. It is a battle he'll have to sort out within himself, though whatever consolation I can offer is his.
    But he loves me and I love him. And things are finally looking up...
    God, it's been a while since things were looking up.
  6. sprinks's Avatar
    I only just read this because you posted it when I was on my trip to Canberra. I'm so happy for you . I'm happy for the both of you . A friend of mine got a lot of negativity from people because she went out with guys older than her by many years. She was with one that she was going to marry, and he was going to ask her soon (she's 15 right now. He's 19) but he got into heavy drugs and she got out of the relationship. I think if it wasn't for the drugs, their relationship would have worked. People are constantly telling me I'm too young to be in love. But I've been in love with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and we've been in a very very long distance relationship for over a year now, and I think to many people, it proved how much we want this, how much we are willing to go through to be together. I'm constantly being told that I'm too young to be in such a serious relationship - that I should be out exploring the world and being with other guys, but... I don't want that. Anywho, it's true that what seems like a massive age gap now won't seem so big in a few years... And I have a pretty strong feeling that you'll both be willing to work through it .
  7. Niamh's Avatar
    Boudica was a Briton, not a Celt. just to let you know.
  8. Anza's Avatar
    oops
  9. Virgil's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Niamh
    Boudica was a Briton, not a Celt. just to let you know.
    Niamh, I believe she was a celt. I'm pretty sure that Britons before the Anglo-Saxon invasion were celts. Here's something from Wikipedia:
    Boudica (also spelled Boudicca, formerly known as Boadicea, and known in Welsh culture and legends as "Buddug") (d. AD 60 or 61) was a queen of the Iceni tribe of what is now known as East Anglia who led an uprising of the tribes against the occupying forces of the Roman Empire.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boudica. The Welsh essentially were spread across what is know as England until the Anglo-Saxon invasion.
  10. Niamh's Avatar
    Briton was a term given to the natives of Britannica by the Romans. The Celts mainly settled into the west and north of Britain a hundred odd years or so before the Romans. They settled ireland first coming over from Gaul, and went into Britain from here. One of the old names for the Irish around time of the celtic migration was the Erse. There is documentation in the Annuls of Ireland about their migration into Britain, as most where sons of chiefs settling with followers (bit like the plantations) They penitrated the depths of Scotland, wales and Cornwall with little struggle, but they did have issues with the native Britons, and then the Romans came. The Iceni were Briton.
    The Iceni or Eceni were a Brythonic tribe who inhabited an area of Britain corresponding roughly to the modern-day county of Norfolk between the 1st century BC and 1st century AD.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iceni_tribe
    (hate using wiki. not always correct.)
    you know i'm a fuddy duddy when it comes to Archaeolgy and history of my part of the world Virg!
    Updated 10-09-2008 at 11:06 AM by Niamh
  11. Virgil's Avatar
    Well, certainly you're the expert Niamh. But let me try to understand. Prior to the Romans conquering continental Europe, weren't the Celts the dominant culture from Spain all the way to what is Hungary today, including the British islands? Now certainly the celts had various tribes and divisions, but they are generally understood to be one general group. Aren't the Brythons a celtic group. In fact if you look up Brythons you find this:
    Historically, the Britons (sometimes Brythons or British) were the P-Celtic speaking indigenous peoples inhabiting the island of Great Britain south of the river Forth. They were speakers of the Brythonic languages (also called P-Celtic) and shared common cultural traditions. In terms of language and culture, much of north-western Europe was mainly Celtic during this period. The inhabitants of Ireland, the Isle of Man and Dál Riata were Gaels or Gaelic Celts who spoke Goidelic languages.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brython

    I guess it depends how fine you define the culture but it sounds like the Brythons were a celtic derived culture.
  12. Anza's Avatar

    Oh wow, you two!