title
A Time to Grieve A Time to Move On
by , 09-03-2008 at 09:34 PM (2771 Views)
For the record AAA thinks I went to my mother's funeral. Was easier to let them think that. Ironically while not particularly keeping it a secret I had issues with my mother I have discovered that knowledge has kept the sympathy sent my way at a bare minimum. Sigh. I always find it interesting who does and who doesn't offer comfort and I have been guilty of both.
I think you can comment on the blog now. I thought I had fixed it but nothing happened per one friend so I whined to the you know who favorite moderator who sent me instructions. She thinks too well of me. I was hoping she would just make it work for me. After all if not for Logos I still wouldn't have an avatar. Lazy about learning a computer -- you bet. This box has enough control over my time without learning more ways to have it take over my life. It was the same fix I had tried and now the comments block seem to be there so ere's hoping. Remember only you can withhold a comment from a needy blogger. (Stolen from Smokey of course.)
Mom got one last jab from the grave. But it made me smile. So typical of her. Whereas my father did NOT have a will she did. My sister and this must be made very very clear that I completely concur--was given everything. This was only just she had devoted 30 years to playing Cinderella to her with very very little thanks for it. There were reasons I let years slip by in returning to New York for visits.
But way way down in the bottom of the will mixed in with leagaese language was a sentence that could not possibly have no other effect then a slap across the face. "Intentionally left my sons nothing." My brother Bob laughed and made a remark I am told that he thought he was "the Golden Child>' and I know this hurt him deeply because HE WAS. He could do no wrong and everybody myself included loves him as I have stated elsewhere.
In trying to placate him on the phone I suspect I made it worse. The will was written 2002 and on a visit circa 2004 or so Mom told me she was done making wills over and what was written was written. I didn't care. Still don't. Mom does what she does. But then she gave me $100 which paid for Remington Steele season 2 I believe and some Batman Animated DVDs so I NOW suspect she was acknowledging an upcoming rejection in her way as there had been nothingspecial about the visit to incur sucj a gift as Mom was NEVER a giver of cash to any great amount over $5. So I at least got a consolation prize. But bob is taking this harder then I thought for all his resentment at Dad dying for which he held her somewhat accountable.
I have assure dmy sister she has my blessings and no ill feelings. I have a barometer that belonged to Mom and that is ALL I care to have. She was making clay ornaments in the nursing home but made NO offer if I desired any particular piece so I have informed my sister I wanted NONE of them. So yes there is a slight bitter taste in the emotions still. But I tire of living in hope of love never proffered to advantage and joy and intend to move on emotionally.
But I do wish I could have been there to see Mom tell God what a good woman she had been all her life. I have truly warned Andave Ya any number of times I'm not as nice as you readers think I am. far far from it. Just a bit more honest about the warts is all.
We'll get to AAA nonsense and family stuff next go round. Just wanted to get this out of my system once for all in a safe reading environment. I have people hereI cherish and I know they do me as well and THAT has been a blessing.
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