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It has been a little over 12 hours since I received news of my mother's decease. I find I can and need to type. If only to preserve a record for my guttersnipes when the time will come when they may have questions about who I am and perhaps why I am.

The night before I was chatting online with a friend whose mother had paid her a long overdue visit for which she took a day off and the weekend so we were catching up on the news. I was delighted her time with her mother had gone well (her father is a different story and of a private nature). I told her to treasure up the family memories for the time (hopefully long postponed) when they shall comfort her in her loss. She said she would. I never guessed I would need my own advice so soon.

At 9:10 am the cell phone vibrated as I never have it on ring tone due to AAA work conditions. I with trepidation picked it up thinking it could only be Ruth who had been running late for school (in MY opinion) and lo it's second son Dan.

He wanted to know if I had heard the news. And then of course got right to the point which is always best in my humble opinion. My niece Michelle had sent an e-mail to him.

I was struck numb. The long awaited time had come and God's time was at hand for my mother. I have a very small hope for her since a minister had been visiitng her regularly at the nursing home but she has never sensed she needs salvation of any sort being a good woman and all that but hope is nice (for now). I had harvested a very real fear that upon receiving the news I would burst out with a chorus of Ding Dong the Witch is Dead--I plead honesty in my revealings despite the shallowness on display.

To my wonder, surprise and great relief tears came for that poor woman who so wanted to be loved that she could not give it despite her efforts. She could have had so much joy but she chose the half-empty glass until it no longer seemed empty to her. I know I see the glass but in God's mercy I see the possibilities in life I hope. My limitations I trust are of my own making and my own peace of mind.

I called AAA and talked to Jed (thru stammerings) and then Tami. Now as previous readers know Tami can be quite the harpy BUT I have the privilege of seeing her heart in action and she was tender to me. Josh did a bit better then usual as he delights in mockery a bit out of place sometimes. I'm free on bereavement leave for seven days if I want. I plan on returning Friday.

My brother Bob calls next and we talk. I inform him I have cash but a maxxed credit card as far as a car rental goes and won't know until Ruth comes home how her card situation is. He absolves me of coming if the worse happens and I begin the mental preparations in my head expecting that outcome.

Next I sat at the computer and tried to contact that friend of yesterday that I might indulge in bitter irony but she was unavailable. Litnet was next and a blog entry was born. As a comic collector the numbers 50, 100, 125, 150 etc are usually special issues and it was not until now I realized my mother has the 250th blog entry. I am pleased but I know she would have been unimpressed and somehow THAT pleases me more. Oh contrary heart.

I feel a desire to hear music and hit Youtube and play the theme music for Chariots of Fire and Louise Tucker's Midnight Blue and hope this honors my mother somehow.

I call best friend Steve who is vacationing at Ocean Head, Maryland and he is supportive. I miss a voice mail from son James whom Dan had called but he says he will call around lunchtime so I will wait but that will be 3 pm my time here in Ohio.

I fall back asleep. Spurgeon had been read shortly after midnight. There are precisely 30 sermons left to read. The final month is upon me. Not counting the addtional Lost 20 sermons volume I also have. So 50 real reading days and I'm thinking seriously of rereading Mattthew Henry's Commentary on the Bible and paying attention this time. Currently reading Talbot Mundy's The Nine Unknown which I read way back around 1965 or so and didn't get it. Some books need to be read as an adult and this one of them. Mundy is a great writer but demands careful reading for the plot is often masked behind several characters and their agendas.

Ruth comes home and thinks I'm asleep which I was but I had left the door open as a hint. Which she did not get. I've have more Avengers collected if she take more hints I think.

Fatigue and stubborness and putting off the inevitable costs me almost an hour when she finally enters the room and I break it to her rather forthrightly. I told her Mom had died.

Her reply was a classic: "Which Mom?"

I blink, remind myself I still like marriage benefits and reply "Well since your mother has been gone for years who do you THINK I'm talking about?" Not said as grizzley as you would think of me but I am very confused about who she's thinking of.

Still am. Never got a real reply as I blundered along with my tale of woe. Now Ruth has probably never spent more then an entire day acculmulated over 27 years with my mother as I have gone to great lengths to keep her safe from the inevitable slicing and dicing my mother does to the daughter-in-laws but she seems genuinely sad.

Checks her credit card balances and they are in a sad shape. I call my brother and tell him I'll be a no-show. He understands. Have not been able to reach my sister yet. Then I lie back and read Mundy, brood and sleep and wait to call the landlord.

The Fairborn Water Company had been repairing my meter and discovered a leak they insist be fixed in 72 hours per a letter I receive Saturday. I withhold this info until Monday not wanting the landlord to bother me on a day off. My mom's death frees me from his presence for which I give her thanks. He's a nice guy but he loves to self-repair and spend HOURS telling me I should apply myself to learning these really really basic home repair skills. Sigh. In this case he thinks he'll get a plumber. I plan to be in New York.

How so??? Thought you weren't going. It's really all about Math as Andave Ya would tell me. Ruth's cards won't cover a rental car for THREE days at $48 a pop but they can do TWO. I suddenly come alive around 3 pm with the idea. I leave late Tuesday night arrive Wednesday in the wee hours and the funeral is Wednesday and be back Thursday morning. Ah endurance and a challenge and God's blessing. My payday is Thursday so Dan will let me have the cash I'll need (taking $300 to be sure and hoping to put $100 back into his account Thursday) as I expect to gas up a maximum of four times.

Ruth has a midterm so again it will be a solo trip.

So that's where I am at. The well wishes have been touching and yes the beloved Logos came through in that area with the grace and beauty she should be famous for. I have set my affections upon her and I am rarely wrong in the placement therein though there has been a tragedy here and there over the years.

Thank you one and all and I'll check back in later this week with how it went.