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Well I was all set to do a new entry the other night. My absence has been not by any problem here but by being somewhat distracted by a new forum where I assure you the members there are quite a different lot and a bit on the tear you apart if one member gets more attention then the other. There is a certainly a lack of espirts de corps that has made me a bit uncomfortable with it and I am mulling over the emotional attachment to the subject manner versus some of the grief encountered by a newbie.

Long story short I find a bit of social safety and security here amongst the many varied persons at Litnet some of whom I am very very fond of and they know who are. I had made a simple remark on the other forum that so-and-so hadn't been around so I was talking to this and that (when so-and-so and I finally reconnected) and so-and-so was so annoyed that I would spend MY time with someone else that they logged off and it's taken three days of groveling to just get back into the bare good graces. Again not sure how much more I'm going to do.

Part of my wanderings were a result of coming back to Ohio and for the first time in my life having doubts about the greatness of being a New Yorker by birth though I have never wanted to live there all my days. It's been strange seeing my elderly mother slowly wasting away but still somewhat in healthy mind (once she knows who she's looking at that is). I get back to Ohio, back to work, back to the Bookery and somehow it seems I'm on a threadmill just going on and on. The climax came when a fellow worker pointed out Call Center Supervisor Jeanie has been with us for 10 years. I would have said seven. I used to take comfort in the routine of my life but since getting back have been oddly disgruntled, barely arguing with God over the usual petty annoyances and worse not quite afraid to examine my soul for the rot within that it can be cast on God's mercy. This frightens me--a hardened heart is one step from the grave.

So this forum was at first a welcome change of pace--uncharted territory on a subject I was passably familiar with but I think I have seen almost all there is to see and while there are some nice posters they seem to have other points of view and a detached sort of way of treating you. I'm reminded of the comic books forums I used to comment on until I realized most people there were more interested in what a comic was worth rather then if it was a good read or not. Though to its credit Jonah Hex just hit issue 34 (for the second time since the 80s).

So the prodigal comes wandering back to see if Bariku read The Werewolf or not, Logos leaving me messages relating to the sharing of a personal phone number, Pendragon's latest spiritual advice and KizPaws Pepper stories not to mention Andave Ya and Bluebiird's Dr Who stories.

Buddy list?? Request for friendships? Whaaaaa???

The long suffering wife is ahead of me on this and I'm still trying to figure this out. My friendship is open to all and my love available after tests of trial and fire but once given rarely given up.

Buddy lists??? What do I do with them? What do they mean? I look for Logos phone number --surely a buddy would have that??? Nope. I check Admin and see a major upgrade hasd been going on while I have been gone. Suddenly I miss Grace86 very very much as I muffed saying goodby before she left for her mission trip.

There is an encouraging note from the beloved L. on getting up to speed and my profile looks different.

Change of die--or is it adapt??!!

Now what if I ask to be a buddy and am rejected???? We love but have always feared the Countess a bit and I am unworthy of her notice. She knows the depths of my shallowness though there is one amongst us here that knows a bit more but still desires my company and it is NOT anyone you would expect.

Sigh. Give me a week and I'll feel like an oldtimer here again. It is good to be home amongst loved ones here.

Litnet the first and the best forum I truly feel a small but vital part of.