Ramblings from the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia

Headline:

Angry man shoots lawn mower for not starting

MILWAUKEE - A Milwaukee man was accused of shooting his lawn mower because it wouldn't start. Keith Walendowski, 56, was charged with felony possession of a short-barreled shotgun or rifle and misdemeanor disorderly conduct while armed. …… Walendowski could face up to an $11,000 fine and six years and three months in prison if convicted.

Has this ever happened to you? That sudden feeling of infuriation when something just won’t work right is pretty much universal. Lawn mowers are temperamental beasts.

When I was a boy, my next door neighbor regularly turned the air blue cussing his riding mower. It had a crank you had to wind up and then slam over in order to start it. A typical lawn mowing session went something like this:

Crank. Slam! “Start, you bleep-of-a-bleep!” Crank. Slam! “Dash it to dash! Start, bleep you!” Crank! Slam! “You bleep bleep bleeped bleeping bleep! Ought to throw you in the bleeping river! Bleep it, start!” Crank! Slam! “%@#!!”

I am not the best at keeping my own temper. I think it is worst when I am working on the car. Everyone knows to leave me a clear path because I have a tendency to throw tools. At least you can stand my language, so maybe I am not so bad.

This stuff starts at a very young age. When I was about 3, I burned one of my hands on grandma’s old pot-bellied stove. Angry, I lashed out with the other hand. Burning both hands taught me never to touch a stove, believe me!

You know, I don’t think UFO’s would have been so readily named “flying saucers” if it wasn’t for the fact that frustrated people have a tendency to fling them. Coffee splashes onto your hand, you smash a finger doing dishes, or your significant other makes a remark you take offense to and a “flying cup, saucer, plate, fork, etc. may be the result!

But shooting an inanimate object is a different story! And a good reason to keep guns locked up, have trigger or muzzle locks, and think twice before you aim one!