View RSS Feed

Planet of the Ape

At Wit's End

Rate this Entry
4 Comments
by
BulletproofDork
, 06-14-2008 at 05:29 AM (1330 Views)
Three things occur in Beirut with annoying frequency - the traffic, the heat, and the power outage.
There is something in Lebanese blood that drives them with the compulsion to drive like maniacs and attempt to run each other over. Nobody sticks to one lane and everybody drives the wrong way. That, combined with the sweltering heat, makes for one nauseating headache.
The power outage is especially annoying. You can be watching TV on any day of the week - when BAM ... the power is gone. A second later, someone (usually my well-meaning uncle) will say "the power's gone". Even though it's perfectly obvious!
The most adorable little girl (who also shares my first name ) left Lebanon last Wednesday. So dissapointing! That kid was so darn cute! Unfortunately, she didn't speak a word of English, so it was kind of hard, but still manageable to talk.
In these almost two weeks we've been gone I've gotten very good at one thing - kissing. Upon greeting, Lebanese people are known to kiss each other on the cheeks. But the difficult thing is to know how many times. It's most commonly three times (alternating cheeks), but some, mostly old people and shy little kids, do either three kisses on one cheek or just one kiss on one cheek. And in America, some Lebanese people do one kiss on each cheek. It's really quite confusing.





A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Learn Chinese
English Phrase / Chinese Translation

1. "That's not right"............... Sum Ting Wong

2. "Are you harboring a fugitive?".. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3. "See me ASAP".................... Kum Hia Nao

4. "There goes Stupid Man".......... Dum Dum Wa King

5. "Small Horse".................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6. "Did you go to the beach?"....... Wai Yu So Tan

7. "I bumped into a coffee table"... Ai Bang Mai Ni

8. "I think you need a face lift"... Chin Tu Fat

9. "It's very dark in here"......... Wao So Dim

10. "I thought you were on a diet".. Wai Yu Mun Ching

11. "This is a tow away zone"....... No Pah King

12. "Our meeting is next week"...... Wai Yu Kum Nao

13. "Staying out of sight!"......... Lei Ying Lo

14. "He's cleaning his automobile".. Wa Shing Ka

15. "Your body odor is offensive"... Yu Stin Ki Pu

16. "Great"......................... Su Pah



You Drink Too Much Coffee When...
* Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

* You ski uphill.

* You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

* You speed walk in your sleep.

* You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."

* You answer the door before people knock.

* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

* You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

* You sleep with your eyes open.

* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

* The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

* You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

* You lick your coffeepot clean.

* You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

* You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

* You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

* You chew on other people's fingernails.

* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

* You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

* You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
Categories

Comments

  1. Virgil's Avatar
    There is something in Lebanese blood that drives them with the compulsion to drive like maniacs and attempt to run each other over. Nobody sticks to one lane and everybody drives the wrong way.
    It's like that in Italy too. While I've only been to a few places in Europe I find that Europeans drive way more recklessly than Americans. And I live in New York City. The midle east must be similar to Europe in their driving habits.

    In these almost two weeks we've been gone I've gotten very good at one thing - kissing. Upon greeting, Lebanese people are known to kiss each other on the cheeks. But the difficult thing is to know how many times. It's most commonly three times (alternating cheeks), but some, mostly old people and shy little kids, do either three kisses on one cheek or just one kiss on one cheek. And in America, some Lebanese people do one kiss on each cheek. It's really quite confusing.
    Same thing in Italy. I think they don't do the third kiss, but they do alternate both cheeks. What's with that? Isn't a one cheek kiss enough? Sounds like Italy and Lebanon have some similarities. Must be a mediterranian cultural thing. Those Chinese translations are funny. I've seen even cruder ones. There's a chnese fellow where I work who's real name is Lu Ting. Everytime I pass his cubical and I see name plate I always think of Looting. It makes me smirk.
  2. Shurtugal's Avatar
    so, how many signs did you fil out concerning the coffee? all of them?
  3. mtpspur's Avatar
    But are you having fun yet??
  4. Bakiryu's Avatar
    Three things occur in Beirut with annoying frequency - the traffic, the heat, and the power outage.
    There is something in Lebanese blood that drives them with the compulsion to drive like maniacs and attempt to run each other over. Nobody sticks to one lane and everybody drives the wrong way. That, combined with the sweltering heat, makes for one nauseating headache..
    .
    .
    The power outage is especially annoying. You can be watching TV on any day of the week - when BAM ... the power is gone. A second later, someone (usually my well-meaning uncle) will say "the power's gone". Even though it's perfectly obvious!
    it's the same thing in Cuba! (Funny since is nowhere near there!)

    In these almost two weeks we've been gone I've gotten very good at one thing - kissing. Upon greeting, Lebanese people are known to kiss each other on the cheeks. But the difficult thing is to know how many times. It's most commonly three times (alternating cheeks), but some, mostly old people and shy little kids, do either three kisses on one cheek or just one kiss on one cheek. And in America, some Lebanese people do one kiss on each cheek. It's really quite confusing.
    we do the same thing too. You're supposed to kiss women once in each cheek, hug if you're in some way related. Men is only one kiss, again with the hug or handshake. Children and old people is hug, and only kiss if they're particularly cute. It confuses me. I mean, I kissed you! Why do I have to hug you AND Kiss you again??

    The Chinese translations are funny but I had to read them out loud before I got'em I was still stuck in Spanish mode