Virgil

Ok, this thread may not be for everyone, particularly kids. Who knows, it may get deleted, I may get infractions, or I may even give Logos the final excuse for banning me out right.

The Form Poetry contest has as the form this contest the Clerihew. Here is Aunt Shecky on describing the form:

Originally Posted by AuntShecky

The clerihew was invented by Edmund Clerihew Bentley
(1875-1956), also known as the author of a classic mystery novel, Trent's Last Case.

The clerihew consists of two rhymed couplets, which can be "metrically awkward." The subject is a about a famous person or celebrity of the past or present, and the person's name should appear as the rhymed word in the first couplet.

The info about the person can be as irrelevant, irreverent, or uninformative as you like.

It is, however, intended to be funny. Here's one of Edmund's original namesake quatrains:

Geoffrey Chaucer
Could hardly have been coarser,
But this never harmed the sales
Of his Canterbury Tales.

I hope many Litnetters send in some funny entries. I'll set the deadline for July 9 and announce the winner on Thursday, July 10, which is incidentally National Clerihew Day.

So in writing one Clerihew, I got addicted. It was really fun. And the more I wrote the raunchier they got. The form just seems to beckon for crudity. The cruder the funnier. So I submitted one for the contest, and that is my entry. But now that I've written so many I thought I'd share them with you. Sorry if this offends or appalls. I do have my crude side. So here goes:

Old William Shakespeare
Was known to have a pint of beer.
But when his belly was full of bliss
He knew it time to take a piss.


Every morning Isaac Newton
Ate his cereal full of gluten.
Then one day behind a tree
While looking up he took a pee.


In a dream Mickey Mouse
Put his arm around his spouse.
When Mickey in the morning awoke
To his horror it was some bloke.


Lucifer was shining bright
In the darkest part of night.
And as he slinked throughout the halls,
God sent his angels to whack his balls.


Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones
His skin was wrinkled and his body bones.
His father was cremated in a blaze of flashes,
Keith took the remains and snorted the ashes.

[Note: Richards was claimed to have really did snort the cremated ashes of his father’s body.]

Ezra Pound got put in jail
And no one could afford the bail.
So Ezra cried and sang the blues
And said it was a conspiracy of Jews.

[Note: Pound was known to be anti-Semitic and was arrested as a traitor during WWII.]


Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Fell in love with a slovenly tart.
While Wolfy worked on his music composed
She walked around with her tits exposed.


David Herbert Lawrence
Sauntered about the city of Florence;
As many young girls came winking by
He unbuttoned his pants and unzipped his fly.


When Sylvester Stallone
Decided to learn the slide trombone,
The members of the band said Rocky
Played with the back of his pants full of cocky.


Plato taught the lessons of Socrates
At the Academy to all the trainees.
And as the young boys filled up his classes,
He made them bend over and give him their asses.


Rene Descartes one day
Was given a flowery bouquet.
He thought it smart to stand apart
Because he stinks from a silent fart.


Charley Dickens
Had under his arms two big chickens,
When he tired of walking and sat on a rock
The farmer’s daughter asked for his ****.

William Butler Yeats
Passed the ghost and entered the Gates.
There he bumped into old Maud Gonne,
Who slapped his face and kneed his groin.

[Note: Maud Gonne was Yeats’ long time love who forever rejected him; her name is pronounced as “goin” I’m told.]


Young James Joyce
Had as a teen a crackling voice.
When he went to the girls to get some affection,
He walked down the street with a standing erection.

So which one do you like? Did I submit my best effort? You can see which one I submitted here: http://www.online-literature.com/for...145#post584145. Perhaps now you can write one and submit it. It's easy and fun. It kind of reminded me of an old British comedian named Benny Hill, who would rattle off crude poems like this, although his language was adjusted for television.

And should I be disciplined for such vulgarity? Should Scher and Logos throw my rear end out of here? Was it bad? Let's hear your comments.