View RSS Feed

Virgil

How Am I Feeling Today?

Rate this Entry
I just posted this in the How Are You Feeling Today thread. I might as well put it my blog. This is a major shock and a significant event in my life and I want to keep a record of it.

How Are You Feeling Today?
Shaken, very shaken. Angry. Disheartened. Someone at work collapsed at his desk this morning and a couple of us were trying to help him while the ambulance came. He was unconscious, he had a pulse, he was breathing but breathing erraticaly, and his eyes would open every once in a while, and i think respond to our voices. I was about to give him CPR but he was breathing. I wasn't actually sure if I needed to or not. So I unloosened his clothing kept making sure he still had a pulse. It was hard for me to tell whether it was there or not and so I couldn't tell if it was me not being able to find it or his heart stopping. But he was breathing, so I didn't actually do CPR. Ambulance came and they put him on oxygen and i thought he was responding more to voices. Well, I just found out he died at the hospital. I feel shattered. He was a nice guy, upper 50's, heavy set. I'm not sure if i handled this perfectly. I did my best.
http://www.online-literature.com/for...599#post589599

I feel terrible. I was trained for CPR but I've never used it. I was talking to someone in my office (how trivial it seems now) when someone came rushing by to ask if anyone knew CPR, Bill B--- was on the floor passed out. So I rushed over. I explained what I did in the quote above. I wanted to also elevate his legs but someone said that was not a good idea. I know it puts less of a stress on the heart, so I'm not sure why it would not be a good idea. I tried looking it up but I couldn't find anything one way or the other. An aspirin under the tongue to thin the blood migth have helped, but i thought of it afterwards. Actually I was convinced he would make it when the ambulance took him away. Someone said he was diabetic and so I thought it might have been a diabetic blackout from sugar deficiency. I still haven't gotten a confirmation it was a heart attack but it has to be. God I am in tears right now.
Categories

Comments

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
  1. motherhubbard's Avatar
    Virgil, I was just looking and I don't have time to respond to you, but I'm so sorry. I'll be back in a while
  2. Virgil's Avatar
    Ok I just got confirmation from the hospital. The Registered Nurse there said that he "experienced a massive heart attack."
  3. Madhuri's Avatar
    Thats a tragic experience, Virgil
  4. pussnboots's Avatar
    Virgil, I am sorry to hear what happened. You did the best that you can under the circumstances. This may sound a little harsh and I don't mean it to be but you can't second guess yourself and think if you did things differently would the outcome have been different. The main thing is that you helped a co-worker who was in distress and I am sure his family will be grateful for that.
    I was just searching the web and read that you did all the right things. You shld only elevate the legs when there is no pulse and the person is not breathing. As far as the aspirin, you shld give the person an aspirin but if that person is allergic to aspirin then you shldn't.
  5. Sweets America's Avatar
    That's tough. But you did what you could. That makes me think that the husband of a woman at my workplace also died from a heart attack this weekend, he was 38! Virgil, I hope you can cope with this and you don't have to feel guilty because you did your best.
  6. PeterL's Avatar
    Not a pleasant experience,but there isn't a whole lot that one can do, except get the pros in. EMT's can't do much with a "massive heart attack".
  7. Nossa's Avatar
    I'm so sorry to hear about that, Virgil. I'm sure you did the best you could, I'm not good with soothing words in such occasions, but all I can tell you is that it was his time, you did what you could and what was needed at the moment, he did die in the hospital and not in your arms, so he was alive when he left you, and so you probably did the right and needed thing. It was just his time, though I can't tell you not to feel sad about it, but don't feel guilty or blame yourself.
  8. ampoule's Avatar
    What a frightening situation that was for you and your coworkers. I'm sure he was somewhat comforted by your encouraging words. I'm sorry you all had to go through that and sorrier for your coworker and his family.
  9. Virgil's Avatar
    Thanks everyone. I'm not sure I'm realy feeling guilt, just disappointment. And Peter, when I heard he had a "massive hert attack" I was somewhat relieved in the sense that no matter what I did it wouldn't have made a difference. As I'm going through everything I probably did 95% of what was to be done. I went through my first aid book and it doesn't say to elevate the legs. I have to ask a professional about that. The only thing I might have done differently is push on his heart, not full compressions just pushes, to help it along. It still would not have made a difference. He was alive when paramedics arrived and he was alive at the hospital. You can't ask for more than that. Looking back I'm actually proud of my effort. It was me and another who jumped into the fray; everyone else stood back and some seemed afraid to help. Of course if you've never had any CPR training I can understand. It was just a sad experience. I keep seeing his eyes open and shut.
  10. Anza's Avatar
    Oh my god, Virgil. It's okay, honey, you did your best. If it was a massive heart attack there's a certain point that there's not anything mortal powers can do... God called him up. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You, and his family are in my prayers.
  11. motherhubbard's Avatar
    It always makes me realize my own mortality when a peer passes away. You did a great job and held up under pressure- that’s hard to do. I’m sorry. I hope things are not strange at the office tomorrow.
  12. Sarasvati21's Avatar
    Virgil, I would say that I am sorry, but I know from experience how lame apologies sound following a death. I hope you can be comforted knowing that you did all you could have done, and that you did anything at all reveals the kindness and compassion of your heart. I'm sure your colleague was comforted with by your presence, even if he didn't appear to recognize that you were there.

    God bless.
  13. mtpspur's Avatar
    Just now read this. I am sorry you had to experience that. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind your intentions and actions were the best you could do at the time. You were there and you took action. Many would not have. You are in no way responsible for the results it could go either way. It gives one pause. Our IT guy lost his wife last weekend. The kids had moved out and they were looking forward to their future. We just don't know when our time comes as you very very graciously comforted ME a week ago. Be at peace my friend. And with God. Rich
  14. sprinks's Avatar
    I'm sorry to hear that. I don't think that there was all that much else you could do, and at least you did try to do something. Honestly these days not many people take notice of those around them. I hope everyone involved, his friends and family and all of those at your workplace, are coping alright.
  15. Shalot's Avatar
    I'm sorry. I don't have anything to say other than what's already been said. It was his time and for some reason, you were there when it happened. It is very scary to watch someone on the floor like that though, with their eyes fluttering. You feel so helpless.
  16. applepie's Avatar
    I'm so sorry Virgil. I can only imagine what you are going through at the moment. I have to agree with pussnboots. You did the best that you could, and that has to be enough. I'm a firm believer that we have a set number of days in this world, and nothing will change the course of fate my friend. Hang in there. You're in my thoughts. Much Love, Meg
  17. samercury's Avatar
    That is so sad... sorry probably isn't going mean much, but you did your best to try and save him...
  18. Countess's Avatar
    Virgil, you are not God. When God decides to take someone, even the devil can't save him. I know it was his time because he passed away. You do not hold the power of life and death, so absolve yourself of this guilt. I hope that you fel better.
  19. andave_ya's Avatar
    Hey Virg, I'm really sorry about that; what a sad thing to happen. Nice job doing all that you could -- honestly no one could do anything more. Specially not more than a Virgil would . Cheers to you.
  20. Virgil's Avatar
    Ah thank you all. First, there is no need to feel sorry. He was not a family member or even someone I was close to at work. He was an administrative person, who was responsible for supplies and purchases for the division. The most I really dealt with him was on my blackberry use. Oh and earlier in the week he was trying to explain to me the new annual work review system. But for the most part he was just a smiley face I encountered in the halls. He seemed like a nice fellow. I found out a couple of other things too. He was a smoker, which I never noticed before. Most of the smokers hang out together outside when smoking. I don't recall seeing him smoking, but apparently he did. I mentioned he was overweight and diabetic. So put that together: upper 50's in age, diabetic, smoker, over weight, and it was a prescription for disaster. Someone said also he had been complaining of a bad left shoulder. Wow! He attributed to his carpentry. Apparently he had carpentry as a hobby and he felt he strained his left arm doing something. Well, that is sad. Perhaps if he had seen a doctor it might have turned out differently. Second, like I've already said, I don't feel guilt but disappointment.
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast