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morology and response to Ampoule

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by
motherhubbard
, 06-20-2008 at 12:55 PM (2145 Views)
Something I’ve been thinking of lately

It is typical of oldest children to not make a lot of close friends outside of the family, and I am a very typical oldest child. I find that in a group or public place I listened more than I talk and it is very entertaining and sometimes disheartening. I remember being stricken by stupid talk when I was in school and it really isn’t much better now. At restaurants I like to listen to the conversations of the people around me. Loud talkers tend to have the stupidest conversations- apparently for the benefit of the people around them. I’m related to some loud talkers and I’m always painfully aware of the ears of others. I’ve been reading Ampoule’s dining alone poems and enjoying them very much and it makes me think of Morology. Morology is the study of ridiculous talk.

Recently I listened to two different couples discuss how outrageous it was for Hispanic people to be offended when someone called them a wetback. People never cease to amaze me in their stupidity and their willingness to share it with others.

Now in response to Ampoule

I’m not good at doing nothing. It makes me nervous and all I can think about is the stuff I should be doing. My friend is really just the opposite and we’ve had several discussions about RELAXNG. But I find doing little things relaxing. When I sit in my chair I can read, cut out handwork, knit, make list of things I need to do… and that makes me happy. I take work with me when I go somewhere, but I enjoy doing it. I love the feeling of striking things off the list.

It has been a challenge to find a balance and to know when to stop. I can remember nights where I’ve thought just one more thing and then I’ll go to bed only to find 100 more things and hear the dryer stop when I’ve finally called it a night. Now I know that my work will never be done and I just try to keep things managed.

The problem I have is that I do secretly associate the amount of work I accomplish with my self worth. If I am sick or something and can’t do as much as I would normally I feel very horrible about myself. My five year old was born at home around 5:30 one morning and I had the dishes and laundry done by 9 am. I was back out on the turkey farm the next day. I cooked for a crowd - inducing homemade, hand kneaded bread- just five days after a C-section. In many ways I regret not allowing myself more time. I don’t know how to get over that.

My sister is much better at sitting that I am and she fusses at me sometimes. She’ll say things like I’m not coming up because you’ll just do chores while I’m there. It’s really not as bad as she makes it sound, but I do cook for her and I like to clean the kitchen instead of leaving it while we talk. I can clean and talk at the same time. If I didn’t stay on top of things my house would be a disaster and I don’t want it to be like that.
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  1. Virgil's Avatar
    Wow, Mom-H you and my mother are two peas in a pod. My mother is exactly like that. It frustrates me to no end that she just doesn't stop and relax. She promised she wouldn't garden this year. Do you think she kept that promise? Ha! And then she complains that she's achey. As a side note, to bring people up to date, she's now stopped using a cane altogether and not using any type of crutch to walk. I can't believe you did the dishes the day you gave birth. Now that's a little rediculous if you ask me. I bet it made your husband feel guilty. Let me just say they don't make many women like you any more. Or men either, as that goes.
  2. motherhubbard's Avatar
    Virgil, it did not make him feel guilty. He likes to sleep and he doesn’t feel at all bad about that. I went into labor with Bailey at 7 pm on Saturday and had her at 7 am on Monday, my husband was so tired, he slept most of Sunday and all of Monday! Antiquarian- I ate at pizza hut the other day and thought of you- I didn't have the pasta salad, though. I wonder how that is going?
  3. Shalot's Avatar
    yep, I'm the oldest and I have never had a great abundance of close friends either...my youngest brother of course can't exist without a lot of social activity. My dad is a loud talker, and sometimes he will make a joke and then repeat it really loud for the benefit of others...like he wants everyone to hear the great joke he just made. I tend to give it a obligatory laugh and then I try to steer the conversation in a different direction so that there is no way to go back to the joke. As far as not doing anything...I have sort of become someone who wants to spend most of my time doing something productive, but I am so introverted that sometimes I literally have to spend time doing nothing or something that has no purpose other than to recharge my batteries...If I am on one of my super "get-it-all-done" spurts, I usually tucker out before it's all completed to my satisfaction and I just accept the fact that I am out of gas and it's time to just sit there. I guess if you consider all this internet stuff doing something, then I guess some of my "sitting" time could be considered productive...but not really. Internet activity, such as litnet and the other online outlets, sort of serves as one of my recharging activities. Maybe introversion has something to do with our non-participation in loud conversations...because I swear, some people can't stand to be alone with themselves and can't shut up. Just a thought...I am not really sure if that's on point or not.
  4. Sweets America's Avatar
    In a way you remind me of my mother, she cannot stop and relax either, she needs to do things. And also, just after I was born, she was organizing a big Christmas dinner for the whole family, so what you wrote here reminded me of this. I like relaxing, but having nothing to do is also boring and depressing, so it's nice to have activities. You say that all your activities make you happy, so maybe that's not a problem after all?
  5. Virgil's Avatar
    Actually after thinking about this, if it were my wife who had just given birth and I left the dishes dirty in the sink and given post partem effects, I would be lucky if I didn't get a whack from a baseball bat across my head. And perhaps not just one whack, but several.
  6. motherhubbard's Avatar
    I say if someone can swing a bat twice then they can do up some dishes!
  7. Virgil's Avatar
    Yeah, but they would get more pleasure out of swinging the bat.
  8. Virgil's Avatar
    Oh another thing. I'm the oldest too and I've never heard of the oldest having less friends. The oldest usually gets restricted more for the same age. After all that's logical given the parents are going through the experiences for the first time and will probably be more cautious. But having less friends? Why? I'm not sure if my brother and sister each have more friends than me, but I would say I'm a fairly gregarious person. I think I'm more extraverted than either my brother or sister.
  9. motherhubbard's Avatar
    Virgil, are those friends really really important to you? I love my best friend, but if one of us moved or something we probably wouldn't stay in touch too much. My sister still has contact with her best friend from first grade. She has a whole social network and it’s a big job - she has to remember birthdays, make phone calls, check on people, visit, go to showers and parties, say hi and ask about the family members of everyone she sees at wal-mart. I couldn't live like that! I have a lot of "friends" and there are some people I like, but I'm not heavily involved with anyone. I’ve read two birth order books and they both said that was normal of the first born who tend to tend to be related to their best friends. The books also agreed that second born children were more likely to have very meaningful and significant relationships outside of their families. But there are a lot of factors that effect birth order like gender and age differences.