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Life

Forgetting

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by
Anza
, 06-15-2008 at 08:37 PM (1150 Views)
I went on a crazy long bike ride-- over three miles going full throttle. And I forgot. Remember when I said I wanted to run and see where my path took me? I did it. I found a path and followed it until I ran out of path. I went so fast that everything blurred into the strip of sand in front of me and had only enough time for that instant of thought for that instantaneous turn. And I forgot. I forgot the scenery first. The trees and the plants and the sky. I forgot the melody of the cicadas that washed around me. Then I forgot the path behind me. And then I finally forgot what I was running from. David. I forgot the pain that I caused him, I forgot my pain. I forgot the details, and then the big picture. And when I finally made it to the playground at the beginning of the path, which was also the end, I almost fainted. I pushed myself so hard and so long that I completely forgot, and ended up collapsing in public. But I was nothing more than the earth and wind and sky, and something in me wants to do it all over again. I want to forget. I cannot forgive myself so I want to forget...
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  1. Sweets America's Avatar
    Maybe we could run together... I sympathize.
  2. mtpspur's Avatar
    Collapsing in public!!!!--My drama queen would just love for me to do that. I hope you are taking care of yourself. I take it David has not acknowledged your note from last blog?? Hang in there. ALways gets worse before we know it's gotten better.
  3. Anza's Avatar
    I talked to him, Spur. He said how it hurt him tremendously-- it still hurts him. He is willing to be friends... but he still seems wary. He said he doesn't want to go through it again. I said I wanted to be his girlfriend that I was willing to do anything to prove myself for him to take me back. He responded that it took him a long time to get over his loss and that he didn't want to go through it again. It really hurt bcause it was almost as if he expected me to hurt him again.
  4. mtpspur's Avatar
    Dear Anza, read this AFTER I read your latest. I am sorry. Now this is meant to said with respect and caution--at your relative young ages EVERYTHING burns brights or waxes cold with a delicious agony of emotion that can drive one to estacy or depair. Takes some years of cuts and bruises to wear the soul down. Stay consistent with him --prove your loyalty and affection/love with honesty and devotion and who knows. OR-----this may be preparation for the real thing down the road (if THIS is not the real thing that is. Love Rich