Life

Whoever said "it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all" is an epic fail-- and I don't give out epic fails often. Rather, it is better to have never lost at all.
Why do you bring this up, Anza? Because I can. Because I am so totally inspired to do so by Fate's hysterical sense of humor.
Yes. Ha.
I started working at the Junior Museum this week, counseling 7 and 8 year olds. And during morning snack who should I see with his entire Crew Team but-- Lord strike me down-- David.
And I panicked.
How was I supposed to face the person I had hurt the most? Well, I don't know either, but I did. And found out that this was the only week they were volunteering-- this was also the only week I was signed up for counseling. My sister's response? "here's your sign."
Breaking up with David had been acknowledgably the biggest mistake of my life. When I finally had something good, I threw him away. Because to keep my family together I had to make one goal and drop everything else. I didn't speak to my friends for a couple weeks after all of those incidents. At first it was because I had to take care of my kin. Then I was depressed about David. Then I got called up and yelled at by all of my good friends for breaking up with him. So I was mad. I didn't realize that I wasn't mad at them, but rather myself. I was mad at myself because they were telling the truth and I ignored them. There's the beauty of hindsight, I suppose.
So I wrote him a note and gave it to him on Tuesday. Begging forgiveness. And Wednesday I didn't get a chance to talk with him. Today was a field trip day, so I didn't get to see him today either. (note: today = thursday) So I left a message with his mom that he could meet me at the playground in the morning-- I could walk away from the kids during morning playground time, and we left at 9:30.
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Gah... will finish tomorrow. Just to say... I am up now because I awoke deeply depressed. There was a dull ache in my ribs. I thought it was from being tackled repeatedly by eight year olds, but I realized it wasn't as sharp as a broken bone and was deeper. Like the marrow itself ached. And for a while I just sat in bed with my arms wrapped around my ribcage, fearing that I may split apart... I am up now, too. Restless. I feel like I could run forever, and see where my path would take me. If it would solve anything-- I would.