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No Limits on Imagination!

#3...

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here's chapter 1....what you read before was just the prologue....
and speak up critics!
i need titles and comments/advice-be it goo or be it bad...

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It was dark when she awoke in a room that she didn't recognize at all. She could hear bawdy music and laughter from underneath her room, so that told her she probably in an inn. Where, precisely, was she, and why was she here?
And more important, who was she?
She tried to grasp her name in her mind. But nothing came to her. Nothing at all. It was like her life never existed to her. Her mind was blank. Wiped as clean as a slate.
A sob tore from her throat. Maybe if she... maybe if she what? She didn't know any family, no friends...did she have a husband, a fiancé?
She tried to get up, but suddenly became dizzy; her head throbbing as if a blacksmith pounded it with a hammer.
When she did manage to get up from the bed, she went straight for the window, and looked out into the night. She stayed there untilher head cleared enough to think, then looked out the window to study her surroundings. She took notice of the tall trees all around, and she had the odd feeling that she wasn't far from home. But it didn't feel as if it was a good thing. It was like she wanted to go the opposite way. The thing was, she didn't exactly know which way was the way she should be running. Well then, she told herself, I should get a horse and follow my instincts. But first she needed to find out where she was.
It had been raining. She could tell because of the fresh, clean air and the still damp earth.
She looked down to see riders and their horses disembarking, saying goodbye to old and new friends, then going their own way, splashing in the puddles that were scattered everywhere, or skirting around flooded areas.
The music and laugher she woke up to only suggested that she was at an inn. She needed to actually find out where she was.
Maybe it would give her a clue to who she was.
She moved from the window sometime later, rinsed her face in the basin provided for her, and dared to journey out of the room to discover something about her, or why she was here.
When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she looked around to see if anything would give her a clue to who she was, but it was hopeless. Instead, she spotted the land lord, by ways of his shouting at a maid who had appeared to have dropped a plate piled high with food. The food fell to the ground, and the plate fell with it, making a clatter as the metal hit the ground.
“Arg! Watch where yer goin' ya silly chit! ‘Tis food that could've filled a mouth!” he yelled to the maid who was already on her hands and knees, trying to clean up the mess, at the same time apologizing to the men all around as she blushed all the way to her hairline.
Stepping down from the last step, she made her way to the land lord, as he turned back to his job of drying cups, mumbling as he did it. “The lass is reckless! What am I gonna do without th' proper employees! I'll go out of business soon!”
Before she could reach the counter that the landlord was behind, she was pushed against the wall. “Wot bonnie lass you are! You wouldn't mind a little rompin' in my bed, would you?”
At that, her eyes widened, but before she could answer, the landlord spoke up. “Let the lass go, Cynar. She's not here fer th' takin'”

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to be continued...

so?
tune in regularly to find out more...

Updated 06-20-2009 at 10:41 PM by Beautifull

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Comments

  1. Anza's Avatar
    *hyperventilates* Do you insist on leaving off at the good parts?!

    She tried to get up, but she became suddenly dizzy, her head throbbing, as if someone was pounding on her head with a hammer.
    I wouldn't say "head" twice. It sounds repitive and throws the reader off. Also there were some word order issues that made the sentence not flow. Instead, try...
    She tried to get up, but suddenly became dizzy; her head throbbing as if a blacksmith pounded/beat it with a hammer.
    Italicize the text wherever she thinks. It helps the reader discern thought from action. Instead of...
    Well then, she told herself, I should get a horse and follow my instincts.
    Try...
    Well then, she told herself, I should get a horse and follow my instincts.
  2. 's Avatar
    Eep! I saw this too late! I am going to sleep now. But I will read this tomorrow!
  3. kiz_paws's Avatar
    Great story, enjoyed the latest instalment. Anza has given some good suggestions. The only thing I'd add is that you have the young lady very groggy/dizzy for too short a time -- you have her going down a staircase only moments after getting up, which wouldn't render her capable of heading down an unfamiliar staircase without incident.... ya know? Anyhow, that was my only contribution. Keep it comin', Beautifull!
  4. PeterL's Avatar
    So far, so good. I still think that you should write the whole thing before you post it.
  5. Anza's Avatar
    I think you have her thinking too clearly, too quickly. She needs to be out of sorts. ^^