Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

7 months to a year. So there are some things that just can't be cured. Some wishes that just can't be granted. The purpose of an incurable disease, I've been thinking about it. If someone you love (you don't even need to love, just know) knows they're going to die they have a chance to live their life as much as possible in that short time, and when someone you know dies, it makes you realise your own mortality, makes you relise that you're lucky yo be alive and makes you want to live. But why does it have to be that person? because that's life, could you live with yourself if you got to pick and choose which member of your family got cancer? I couldn't. If I put in enought effort I can do something this time. I couldn't write that story for my aunt. I tried twice, but I took too long, and I hate myself for that. But if I really focus I can do this in time. I've got no work to get in the way. I can write something for my uncle if I really try. Earlier, I made a wish on a crane that they'd both get better, it was foolish to wish for such a thing really. I still have the crane though, so I'll give it a new wish instead, I figure, with the amount of cranes I've made all in all, I must have a wish or two saved up, I never made any wishes when I made them, because I made them for fun, but if there's anything to that belief I'll give it a go. I know this isn't how it normally works, but I'll give it a go. Painless. That is my wish, like when my aunt passed on, hers was in her sleep. So, to change from cure to painless is the only thing I can wish for now. I can wish that his passing may be painless, like I#m told hers was.
In 20 years of living, have I been hardened towards death? I wonder.