Life

"Tell me. Please?" He put on the velvet voice of his.
I held fast, "No. What'd you say after the 'someone else will sweep you off your feet?'"
"I'll finish my sentence if you start and finish yours."
I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it again, "That's not fair."
"Yes it is." he insisted, his voice laughing at me, without him actually chuckling.
"Erik..."
"Amber..." he mocked my tone.
Hypnotized, I responded with the truth, but vaguely, "Maybe I have found someone who swept me off my feet."
"Who?" He pounced.
"I'm not telling you."
"I know who it is." He said.
"So then why torment me?"
"I want to hear it from the horse's mouth."
I sighed, "That's not fair."
"Who?"
"You know already!"
"So?"
"Erik, that's not fair!" I pleaded, but he ran me around in circles in this manner for five minutes, until I confused up with down and vice versa.
"You know him." I said, grasping on to my very last ounce of strength.
"Okay, good. That's a start. How long have I known 'him'?"
"As long as you've been playing mind games with me." I growled.
"How long?" He drug out the second word into two syllables.
"You've known him all of your life." I managed with a little less venom.
"How very coincidental." He said.
"Are you happy now?" I controlled my breathing.
"Yes. And you?" I was silent for a moment. "Amber?"
"No." I replied obstinately. Finality rang in the word. "Do you make it a point to torment your friends?"
"No. You should feel special."
"Well, I don't. Are you done torturing me, now?"
"I suppose."
"You knew the whole time." I accused.
"Yes, I did. I even knew sometime in October."
"You mean exactly a month ago?" I asked.
"Today is the twentieth. Yes." He said, "You know, relationships that are rushed into turn sour."
"That's why I didn't want to tell... him." I said, miserably. The rebel in me wanted to hate him, but I found that I couldn't hate one who had treated me only with kindness. "Now hold up your part of the bargain." I commanded.
"What?"
"Did I not hear that you would finish your sentence?"
"You did." He admitted, "I said 'I'm not setting anything up. Me? No.'"
"That was so not worth it." I responded after a moment of contemptuous silence.
"Yes it was. You know it was." I was silent again, a little angry with myself for allowing him to get the better of me. "Come on, Amber."
"No." The word held scorn and resentment. He laughed, his chuckle just as gentle and velvet as his voice. "That was incredibly unfair." He laughed again. "Quit laughing at me!"
"I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you."
"Yes, because I'm laughing on the inside."
My tone was unmistakably sarcastic, but he ignored it, "Precisely."
"You're a monster." I said.
"Come now, I can't be that bad."
"But you are. Do you know that I kept the rose you gave me?"
"I had wondered about that."
"Really?" I was intrigued.
"Yes, I had. I remember the look on your face when I gave it to you."
"There was a look on my face?" I was a little worried.
His tone gentled, "Yes. It was like a little schoolgirl who had met her wildest dream." He added hastily, "Though I'm not saying you did."
"Neither am I... but I won't say that I didn't, either."
CHAPTER XXIX
JOHN
Who was this "Erik" who thought he could take my seraph away? Who was this Erik of whom she so lovingly spoke? "I get to see him on his birthday," she said. Did he love her? What was worse; did she love him? Was I history— a footnote in her life? Was it over?
And what of the way she looked at me that day? What of the pain in her eyes— the tears that welled up, but not over? What did I do that day that made her weep inside? What did I do to be ignored?
I missed her pursuing me. I missed her speaking to me. I missed hearing her laugh and seeing her smile. I missed being in her good graces. I missed her. I talked more and more with Nicole about it.
"Is she dating him?" she asked.
"I don't know. She calls him her unofficial boyfriend. What's that supposed to mean anyway?" Nicole was silent, but something danced somberly behind her eyes. "Nicole! I don't speak woman!"
"It means they love each other, but he hasn't asked her out."
"I should bow out now." I grumbled miserably.
"Why?" Nicole almost shrieked, absurdity ringing in the word.
"Shh!" I hissed, "Do you want to wake Mom and Dad?"
"Why?" she repeated in a whisper.
"Because she's happy. Why couldn't I make her happy?"
"Because you never tried." It was shocking the truth of the words. I felt as though I had been pierced. "Do you realize how her heart would have leapt for you to pay her a compliment or a little bit of attention? If you would have asked her out?"
"What if I do it now?"
"Too late." She said sagely.
"So what do I do? I won't give up!" I insisted.
"Wait for him to run his course, retard." I sighed in response. "Go on to bed, now. It's midnight."
I hugged her before tiptoeing softly to my room, and lying in bed I found my star. Well, it wasn't really mine, but I looked at it every night. It was a dim little thing a million million miles from my bed that was almost engulfed by the moon, just above it. The star always made me think of her.

AMBER
I looked up at the night sky and couldn't help but think of Erik. Had he gone outside to see the same thing? Did he feel small, too? Did he see the beauty? Then I thought of how Erik had seen the beauty of just one star, so I picked the brightest star in the sky, before I realized my folly.
Erik had ignored the brightest stars, to see the beauty of a fallen dimmer one, So I found one that was only barely visible against the halo of the moon, that sat just above the glowing orb which very nearly swallowed it whole, and that star was just as striking as Sirius and Betelgeuse. And I was so thankful to Erik for not overlooking me. I had finally found someone who would not abuse my emotions like John. One who would not push himself on me like... well, everybody else, really. I found someone who loved me.

CHAPTER XXX
AMBER, A WEEK LATER
Erik's sweet sixteen was today, and we had set it up so that he could spend the afternoon at my Grandma's house, and go to church together afterwards. And we did.
He spent the afternoon at my grandma's and luckily enough, that was the one day that I had no homework. We played with Schultz, my dog, together. I played cello for him. I enjoyed every minute of our afternoon together. Then Nicki called. She could only get to church if she came over and she really wanted to go to church. So she said. I suspected that she wanted to screw everything up. I was right.
When we got to church, I entered the most unconventional worship setting ever. I was introduced to Paul, one of Erik's friends, a rather heavy-set, extremely loud kid of about seventeen years, whom Erik had lovingly dubbed "Pauly-wauly-eppasaurus." We had the reindeer games at church, which involved caroling, bobbing for apples, and charades.
Erik walked me to the door afterwards.
"Do you really want to be with me?" He asked, taking both of my hands in his.
"Yes," I breathed. His arms snaked around my waist. "Are you asking me out?"
"I am." he replied.
"Then I accept." I told him, kissing him on the cheek, carefully upstaging it so that Nicki couldn't see.
"Get a room!" Nicki called from her car.
"Get a life!" I volleyed back.
"Goodnight. Sweet dreams, my love." He said, ignoring her childishness.
"Goodnight Erik."

CHAPTER XXXI
AMBER, EXACTLY TWO WEEKS LATER
He was too good for me, I decided as I tapped out an email to him that I wanted to break up. He was too kind. I couldn't pay him the attention that he deserved. I was through.

Erik,
I don't know how to say this. I don't know where to begin.
I love you, I do, but... I don't think I am the girlfriend you deserve.
I don't have time to speak to you anymore, and you deserve someone who is there.
I have exams coming up that have been wearing on me so heavily, and have made me not myself.
You deserve an angel, and I am far from it. I am breaking up with you, Erik. I'm so sorry. Please don't make this any harder than it is. Please, Erik? I cannot be the person you deserve. I could never be good enough.
I'm sorry, Erik. I'm so sorry.


AMBER, THE NEXT DAY
I unlocked the door to Grandma's house with the spare key she kept beside her porch. It was the wisest choice, considering the other key was attached to her behemoth purse. I sauntered in, petting the dog and setting her groceries on the counter. Then I noticed an envelope on the counter, marked in Erik's cramped script "For Amber." I opened it quickly, dumping the contents on my lap. The first was a necklace. The next was a card. The card said, "The necklace is my gift to you, in part. I want you to keep it because I want to be with you always, and in all ways. I'm not sure why you broke up with me. I know what you said in the email— you felt like you didn't have time for me anymore and I deserved better— but I thought you knew I was okay with that. The last part of the gift is this: a skeleton key, sealed with the kiss I never got to give you. It belongs to you. It is the key to my heart. I don't care how long I have to wait for you, Amber Houston."
He was trying to win me back. He was in denial. What was wrong with him that he would entrust me the key to his heart?

CHAPTER XXXII
AMBER
I couldn't have been more wrong yesterday. I thought that he was so awesome, but now that I perused his letter to Nicki, I realized that he played us both. I was instantly enraged. How dare he! Who did he think he was to betray me? I typed an email in double time, and read over it three times, making sure I had covered all my bases. He would not get away with using me. Not without hearing what I had to say about it.
~~~~~
At first, I thought that I was unworthy of you. Because you were too good to me. Because you were kind. Then I began to learn.
I learned that it was the other way around; I learned that you were unworthy of me.
I learned of the infamous Erik making out with girls in church. I learned that the infamous Erik was feeding Nicole the same lines that he was feeding me. I learned that you were playing both Nicki and me. I learned that you are desperate.
And I was outraged. I am a notch on nobody's belt, and Cameron had warned me about guys taking advantage of me. And no, I didn't think you would do that... until I mulled it over. You said you were a pimp. I didn't realize that the statement covered the present tense as well as the past. Frankly, Erik, you may go and screw yourself.
You also have a past on you, and if your future will be any of the same, I don't want a part of it. Erik, you are dead to me. But you are lucky. Unlike John, you will never see the hurt that you have caused, though you have caused me more anger than pain.
Do you remember when I was singing "All I Ask of You," and you asked what I asked of you? My reply was whatever you would give, and you said whatever I would ask. Do you remember? Well, I ask only one more thing of you... stay away from me. Forever. Stop lying to me. Stay out of my life.
So, Vale Aeturnum, Erik. This will be your last Latin lesson: it means farewell forever. I want nothing more to do with you. I will never wear your necklace. I will never look at the key to your heart. You are full of crap, Erik, and I will have nothing to do with your shallow games.
And you can go ahead and make me out to be a villain to your friends and family, but when you look into the mirror you will always see a monster staring back, and I hope that haunts you for the rest of your life.
If you call the house again, I will have strict instructions to my family members to hang up on you, though I think it should be all the worse if my father picks up. You don't play the daughter of a Scotsman. All you shall ever have of me is a copy of my poetry, which I pray bursts promptly into flames.
And if you want to deny that you are playing me: think twice. The proof lies below.
V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V V
Erik: You say, act like, and do things that basically put up a front and you seem to have an obvious fear of change as you are certain— as you call it— that you will join the coast guard, never find love, never get married, never have kids, never be happy, and die at sea.
That seems to be your plan
But...
I'm not totally sure anymore, since you disconnected me from your life and put me in a bad position that it was not all to hide from something deeper— to hide from a love for me, perhaps?
Although I want to say thank you for taking me to the Homecoming dance and ditching me...
What, I wonder might have happened if you had hung around and we danced and had fun together?
###-#### I'll be up for a while
^ Look familiar?? ^

Why then you would have never met me. Then you would have never tried to play two incredibly intelligent women who are so totally capable of working together. You would have never been exposed.
And now everything is totally clear: had Sunny, or Wendy, or Sarah called you, it would have been all the same, and you would have promised them forever and a day. I hold no remorse for the loss of our "relationship;" only resentment that I didn't listen to the ones who saw through to your true form best.
Now you have ruined two good songs (Your Guardian Angel, and Never Too Late) and a month of my life. I hope you are incredibly pleased with yourself, and I know that you shall have no problem moving on to the next victim, and for that I pity her.

Woe upon the rest of your wretched, lonely existence, Erik.

It was over, severed. I thought I had finally found love. It hurt a little that I should be so misfortunate, but I shook it off. It was final exams week and I didn't have time to hurt. Also, it was below me to hurt about him. Through anything, I would always keep my pride.

CHAPTER XXXII
AMBER
I put my pencil down, swallowing back tears. Algebra was never my strong suit. I meandered to my teacher's desk.
"Ms. Delauderantey, may I finish this after school?" I asked holding up the exam.
She was reluctant, "I only have fifteen minutes."
"I'll take it." I pounced. She knew that I struggled enough with Algebra without being crammed into the honors class. I gathered my books quickly and slipped out of the room.
It wouldn't have frustrated me so much if I wasn't trying, but truth be told, I was diligent. Math just didn't come naturally to me. I could read a novel— I could write a novel, but I couldn't solve an algebraic equation. And it was frustration that incited tears.
Before I realized what was happening, Sunny's best friend, Lizzie was running up to me, and she asked what was wrong and gave me a hug and a candy cane. Then I was off to Orchestra, still in tears. Then, Kathleen saw me, and she consoled me too, as I could only expect from my best friend. Emma soothed me, too, until Nicole walked up. Then Nicole, cooing matronly, asked me what was the matter, and I swear I depicted the grim situation a thousand times that day. She then gave me my Christmas card; saying that she wished it would make me feel better. Nicole was the one who escorted me into the classroom, and kept promising that it would be all right.
Mrs. Allen greeted me embracing me warmly, and made me describe, again, what was wrong.
"I did really bad on my Algebra exam and I don't know why they put me in the stupid honors class."
"You probably didn't do as bad as you think," she said, stroking my hair.
"But I didn't even get to finish!" I blubbered. I don't know how she made sense of the jumbled mass of syllables.
"It will all work out. You'll see." She said. And I took my seat.
All of a sudden, Mark, the violinist who we served drinks with the day after the concert walked up. He had been getting extra help from Ms. Delauderantey after school, too. He kneeled by my chair and made his inquires so that I didn't even have to utter a word.
"Did you fail you algebra Exam?" I nodded.
"Me, too. Come here." He hugged me for a long time, allowing me to bury my face in his long, curly hair, which was surprisingly soft.
He held me by the shoulders, "Are you worried about your parents?" I nodded again.
"Report cards don't come out until after the break."
"My parents get mad at me for B's." I responded, the syllables choked, but decipherable.
Mark hugged me again, and I realized, at that moment, how many people cared about me. I didn't notice however, John sitting behind me in helpless bewilderment, or Ben sitting beside, not wanting to enter the fray of female nervous breakdowns. At that moment, I only saw the people who reached out to me: Katie, for instance, who gave me an exaggerated gesture to smile from her seat across the room: Mark, Mrs. Allen, Nicole, Lizzie, Emma, and Kathleen.
~~~~~
"We're going to sight read this." Mrs. Allen declared, passing out the Halo Theme. Yes, we were playing the music to video games.
We barely tripped through the music, considering that it was incredibly hard, and despite how badly we had done Mrs. Allen decided that we would play it for the May concert. She had us pass the music back. I turned to get the Theme from John.
"Don't give it to her." Ben said from beside me. I looked at John expectantly, who immediately passed it to me. "You only did that because you love her."
"She's had a bad day." John said, not denying Ben's remark.
I looked back at him, "Thank you," I said softly.
"Kiss her, already." Ben taunted.
John ignored him, "You're welcome." That was the first time he'd been so gentle with me.

Part Six: A Whole New Year
CHAPTER XXXIII
AMBER
"I hate Valentine's Day," I announced, finding my seat in first period English. Immediately afterwards, Mrs. Jones announced that we would be making cards for Valentine's Day. We had to quote Shakespeare in them. Such sweet sorrow! I thought to myself, such sweet sorrow is this wretched day... So what would I do but go world-hater? Samuel, who sat in front of me, turned around, and created his masterpiece on my desk. I grumbled about the day, as Brandon passed around chocolates.
"I hate today. Today sucks."
"Why?"
"Because today sucks. It's Valentine's Day!"
"Bad experience?"
"How about every year?"
"Just eat the chocolates." He said.
"What? Why?" I asked.
"Girls like chocolate. Chocolate makes girls happy. Just eat the chocolate."
"Why when I could wallow in my misery?" I thought about sectionals that afternoon, knowing that I would have to spend an extra hour with the one person who unintentionally tormented me the most.
~~~~~
I walked into the violin/viola storage room, where Matthew and Nicole sat. I approached carefully, both being older than I. High School hierarchy was so artless and primordial.
"Aww, Matthew, you look depressed." I commented, referring to his downcast eyes and slight grimace.
"I hate Valentine's Day," he announced.
I gave him a high-five, "Me, too."
"Aww!" Nicole said, "Why do you hate Valentine's Day?"
"Because it sucks!" I insisted for the thousandth time today. She stared at me pointedly for a moment, and I explained it for the first time, "It sucks when you realize that the only one you've wanted to be your Valentine for three years doesn't even care that you exist."
"Wow, you sound more Emo than I do," Matt commented.
"I know! I don't like being like this; I like my normal, happy self. I need some coffee."
Nicole, noting my impatiently drumming fingers said, "I don't think you need more energy."
I half-grinned, the first time I had smiled all day, but the gesture didn't last long.
NICOLE, AFTER SECTIONALS
I closed the door behind me as I went into my room, but it was soon opened again.
"Don't you ever knock?" I asked, unusually caustic to my little brother. He groaned in response, and I suddenly softened. "Baby brother, what's the matter?"
He ignored the 'baby brother' jab. "Didn't you see her? She was miserable! It's completely my fault. I can't believe I was too chicken to do anything. For God's sake, it's Valentine's Day! I'm a fool! I'm a miserable fool!" He collapsed on my bed.
"I did see her; I spoke to her."
"What did she say?" he pleaded. Mom called us to dinner.
"I'll tell you at the supper table."
~~~~~
"What is it? What did she say?" he pleaded again, with our parents seated at the table, too. They knew already, though, so I couldn't see that it mattered. Mom became a bit more attentive; she really liked Amber, and of course, knew of what we spoke, though I was the one who told her.
"She said that Valentine's Day really sucked when she realized that the only guy who she wanted to be her Valentine for three years didn't even care that she existed." John dropped his fork, and Mom— always the voice of calm reason— flinched, despite herself. Dad, who was uninvolved even understood.
"What did I do?" he whispered, shuddering, "What did I do?"
I hadn't realized it would make quite this much of a fanfare. Mom and Dad knew about Amber; both of them really liked her.
"What would make her think—?" Mom asked.
"I didn't do anything. I didn't say anything. It's Valentine's Day! How could I have been so hesitant— so heartless? How could I have put my own fears before her feelings? I'm a monster! I hate my very hands that didn't give her a card. I hate my mouth that didn't speak the words of love. I hate my lips that didn't kiss her." As I watched him, writhing uncomfortably, I was filled with sudden rage.
"So tell her! What's the matter with you, anyway? You passed up an opportunity at the concert, you passed up an opportunity today; what more will it take? And what do you fear anyway? What is it that makes you a coward?"
His eyes widened, and I was a little shocked at myself, too. "Rejection," he whispered, "I fear rejection."
"From Amber?" Mom beat me to the question. He nodded.
"What would make you think that Amber would reject you?" Mom asked.
"I— nothing. She loves me."

CHAPTER XXXIV
AMBER, A WEEK LATER
Rain! Oh glorious day, it was pouring! For the first time since Valentine's Day, I was elated. I put my cello down in the practice hall and galloped outside, knowing I had only fifteen minutes before this week's sectional. I felt the cold rain wash down my back, face, hair. In only a moment's time, Sarah came jogging towards me, as soaked as I was. Before she even said a word, she kicked a puddle in my face.
"Thanks, Sarah, I really appreciate that." I muttered. She giggled in response, so I kicked more water on her. Otherwise, I was careful to not get too wet. I had sectionals that day. I trudged inside, shivering as the cool air hit me.
After we had started, one of the basses needed tuning. John pulled at his bangs, as if that would straighten them.
"I don't know why you bother, John." I said, "You realize that it's not doing anything, and it looks fine anyway."

MRS. GREGULAK
I watched her from my car: rain-soaked, and wearing a smile that shamed the angels of God.
"Goodbye, Nicole!" A melodic voice sang out, though I wasn't sure if she meant to sing the farewell or not.
Her hair was a wild halo of curls, contrary to how she straightened it at the last orchestra concert, so many months ago. Nicole opened her door, and then John, both rushing in from the torrential downpour.
"Hey, Mom!" Nicole chirped, cheerful as ever. John was a bit more distracted with his mumbled greeting.
"John, honey, what's the matter?"
"Just thoughtful, Mom." A notion flashed in the back of my mind— how inconsolable he had been for the past week, because of what he did to her. Inconsolable, because he finally realized what unintentional wrongs did to lovers.
"Her?" I asked. He nodded; despair dancing in his eyes as she did in the rain. Had he been in any better state, he might have been shocked that I knew about Amber-- Nicole had been the one to tell me, in secret. I pulled away from the school, staring at him pointedly through the rearview window. He sighed at me and then explained.
"I still feel bad about Valentine's Day."
I tried to soothe him, "The concert is next week."
And my son-- though not my child-- who was so completely inconsolable for the past week, finally quieted. The tortured dancing behind his eyes stopped. His restless, drumming fingers slowed. His gaze shifted out of the window, toward the slowly disappearing form, who danced in the rain in front of the school.

CHAPTER XXXV
AMBER
The telephone rang, interrupting my homework, and I picked up quickly. It was Sarah. She wanted to know Ben's phone number; she had let him see her Learner's Permit, and never gotten it back. Sarah could be so irresponsible. We looked him up in the phonebook, not knowing his parents' name. One was marked simply "S Gavins" and gave the zip code. I knew the part of town he lived at, and the zip code corresponded. Sarah made me stay on the line as she called, citing the "awkwardness." I relented, and as luck would have it, we called the right number the very first time. He had the Permit, and every intention to return it to her promptly. Somehow we ended up having a conversation. At a slow part, Sarah asked how my day was. I told them about reciting poetry for sixth-graders, and their reaction when I read poetry about the guy I had a crush on.
"Who do you have a crush on?" Ben asked.
"You know." I said, realizing that contempt registered in my voice. How could I be so mean to him without even trying?
Sarah sighed, "Get over it. What's it been, like three years?"
"Mmm-hmm." I muttered. Just then, I got a call on the other line, "I'll be back."
When I answered the other line, it was Sunny's friend, Julia. It only took a moment to tell her I was using the phone, and I switched back over. I was about to announce my presence, when I realized of what they spoke.
"I feel so sorry for her, I know he doesn't like her," Sarah said.
Tell her she's wrong, Ben. I thought, please tell her she's wrong.
"He's told me that so many times." he responded, somber.
I wished that I had stayed on the line with Julia but just a bit longer, but I had already heard it-- every word. John would never love me. Not after changing everything about myself since sixth grade. Not after every inner battle I had fought. Not after every token of my love. He had thrown me again, and this time I wouldn't pick myself up and challenge him for more hurt. I was finished.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had written a novel based on what I wanted, and with it, somehow convinced myself that it was true. I pretended that he cared so long, that I had actually believed it. At a certain point I was soaring, and it took what was spoken behind my back to shoot me out of the sky. I was resolved in never having what I wanted; I just dreaded the moment when I would finally hit the ground after this freefall of mine.
At that moment, I had lost— I was lost. He left me with nothing but memories, and my dignity only barely intact. I was left with Matt, and Erik, and bittersweet recollections. As I sat there, broken and alone I thought about a poem I recited a thousand times that day.

"If you can take one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch and toss
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
But never breathe a word about your loss..."

I had, indeed. I had a thousand times before. The only difference was that I finally admitted to my failure. That was it; I had failed, but I had not failed anybody else. No, the truth was somewhat crueler— I had failed myself.














































I'm not sure why I maintain this— I haven't even found respite for a day from this writing. Maybe it's some sense of obligation as a writer to not let words die on the air. I'm not sure.


NFSF
Amber
"Have you seen my village idiots?" I asked our intern, who sat behind the Registration desk. Mr. Eccles, a musician, and professor laughed from beside her.
"The sad thing is that I know who she's talking about." She straightened. "No, I haven't, yet."
A moment later, Ben walked up.
I smiled at him, "Well, there's one of you. Now where's Village Idiot Number Two?"
"On his way, I guess," he said ignoring my comment. "Would you like to go find a practice room?"
I shook my head, "We told John we'd meet here. Besides, he's the one who needs to practice." When we'd practiced during the week, John had bailed.
Ben half-smiled, "This is true."
"Listen, my cousins are here for Tallahassee Fiddlers, and it would be a damn shame if I didn't go and see them. I'll be back."
As I walked into their recital hall, I was stricken instantly by a beautiful song praising "my Tallahassee home." They were just finishing, though, so my visit was short. I promised Keaton that I would call her and tell her the results after our performance.

Mrs. Gregulak
Her gait was graceful but guarded, and distinctly feline. Her hair was straightened, and moved with her with inhuman grace. Her lips lay dark against pale skin. Resting against her collarbone was a black and red necklace, slightly gothic in style. She wore two-inch heels, and a red and black, spaghetti strap dress. When Amber saw me, she recognized me at once, as I had her, and her expression lightened.
"You are just the person I wanted to see." She said, walking up.
"And I, you. John is outside with Ben. I'm signing John in; I'll be with you in a minute."

Amber
They were waiting outside, just as Mrs. Gregulak said. Ben was sitting and unpacked; John stood, with his cello on his back. They turned to look at me, floored. The wind blew ever so slightly, tossing my hair about my face. John smiled at me as I approached.
"Shall we?" he asked, and we followed him into the Kuersteiner building.
"I believe I shall fall on my face," I said, trudging up four flights of stairs in my heels, with a cello. John held the door for me as we arrived at the fourth story.
When we finally found a practice room large enough for three cellists, it lacked chairs, and so we had to go to some of the smaller rooms to get some. While I was totally capable of getting one for myself, John got me a chair as well. After but a few moments of practice, John's mom came bustling in.
"They're ready for you early."
As we waited outside the room for our judge to get ready, I stood between Ben and John. I couldn't help but notice Mrs. Gregulak looking back and forth from me to her son, and the peculiar smile she wore after a minute of doing so. I had known already to expect both mothers to be sizing me up.
"You may enter," a voice called from inside the room.
"Godfather, much?" I asked.
We went inside and played much better than any time we had practiced. Mrs. Gavins videotaped the performance. The judge made a few comments, and sent us on our way. John went into the practice room to get his case, and Ben and I waited with the mothers. Our cases were in the registration building.
"I forgot to ask you; can I record your performance?" Ben's mom aimed at him.
"No," he said flatly, sarcastically. Then he changed his tone, "I don't care, as long as I don't have to see it."
"But you were good." Mrs. Gregulak insisted.
Just then, Mrs. Allen came prancing out of the room. She hugged me.
"Y'all did so well!" She chirped, and then turning to the mothers with her arms still around me, "I get to hug her. I can't hug Ben until he's a senior or returning college student. If I don't wait, the guys all just look at me funny."
"And weren't they so cute all matching?" Mrs. Gavins commented.
"I know." Mrs. Allen and Mrs. Gregulak agreed.
"Told you." I said to Ben. Matching was my brainchild, and both John and Ben complied, though not without pissing and moaning about it.
Mrs. Gregulak laughed. "I actually had to wash John's clothes this morning. I asked him last night if he needed them cleaned, and he swore up and down that he didn't, and this morning I'm scrambling to get them washed. Then I had to pull him, kicking and screaming out of the house."
"Ben is the same way." Mrs. Gavins nodded.
"Whereas I had every detail of mine laid out the night before, and was ready before my dad." I said, with an embarrassed smile.
"You and Nicole both, you're just alike." Mrs. Gregulak clucked.
"Oh, and we stopped by Wendy's on the way to get a bite to eat, and Ben did not want to go into the restaurant in his suit."
"Because, Mom, it's embarrassing." Ben interjected.
"So he takes his tie off and puts it into his pocket." She giggled, a girlish laugh; something I didn't expect from such a mature-looking woman. When she laughed, I noticed that Ben had her eyes.
"That's okay, Ben; I wouldn't go anywhere dressed like this, either." I rolled my eyes, "But what would make you think that taking the tie off would make any difference?" Just then John approached, sparing Ben from conjuring an answer, and we went back to the registration building. They didn't have our results immediately, so we waited outside in the cool, spring air. After a while, Mrs. Gregulak went inside to wait for our results.
"Nicole received an honor award earlier today." John said.
"Oh, cool, your Mom went inside, — Nicole's a freak." Ben said.
I let my voice sharpen, but kept it playful, "You'll have to wait until I go inside, too, I'm afraid."
"Do you practice like Nicole?" Mrs. Gavins asked.
"Yes, ma'am." I said. Poise, grace, beauty, strength, charm, I reminded myself.
"Watch they give us a bad rating." John said.
"Because you played badly." Ben challenged.
"I knew my part." John commented.
I cut him off, "And I knew my part, and I daresay Ben knew his. We just didn't know where your part fit, because somebody didn't want to practice with us."
"Touché." Mrs. Gavins said, offhandedly.
Mrs. Gregulak walked out with two sheets of paper, and three blue ribbons. Victory! She handed a ribbon to each of us, and offered out the papers, "Who will take your grading sheets?"
Ben and John both declined. She looked to me.
I sighed, "I suppose I'll have to, since I'm the only responsible one here." I artfully threw the word 'responsible' in John and Ben's direction.
"Wait until they're twenty-five, " Mrs. Gavins advised, "They might be mature then."
"Who knows, John may even be able to take people— things— seriously." Mrs. Gregulak said, winking.
"Es Teimpo de Erme," John said. "Oh yeah, you wouldn't even understand what I'm saying. Latin."
"It's time to go." I translated. He was a little shocked. "My sister speaks Spanish at me all the time." I seated myself on one of the benches. "Toodles."
"At you?" Mrs. Gregulak asked.
" It's certainly not to me," I smiled. "John is right— I take Latin. Vale; Farewell."
"Do you need a ride somewhere?" Mrs. Gregulak offered. She caught me very much off guard, and my poised mask melted off.
"Oh— no, ma'am. My Grandma is on her way, with my five year old cousin; I get to baby-sit this weekend!"
Everyone exchanged farewells.