Life

CHAPTER XV
AMBER
School was finally over, and I had survived one of the hardest days of high school so far, especially considering the ten hours of sleep I had gotten in the last three days. I was supposed to be going to Cameron's house for tutoring, but he had a conflict in scheduling, so I had a whole hour to myself. This, being my free time, would be devoured by Certamen practice. I groaned, packing my cello. Teresa walked into the room.
"Emo!" John called out. He didn't really label people, but it pissed her off, so he did it anyway.
Teresa rolled her eyes. He had been doing it all week, and each time I stood up for her. Maybe it was sleep deprivation, or maybe it was because the joke had been set up for almost a week, but I blurted out, "Stop calling her that! She may cut her wrists." John, Ben, and I cracked up, laughing until our sides hurt with the effort.
"Teresa," I pleaded, hugging her, "you know I didn't mean it." She glared daggers.
"Damn, Teresa. If looks could kill..." Ben trailed off.
"With all that eyeliner and that haircut, we'd be dead." John piped in.
"Shame you won't get a haircut." I taunted, playing devil's advocate. He tossed his head at me, his hair falling into his eyes. "Point made?" I asked. Teresa nodded.

~~~~~

Our practice moderator was ticking off question after mind-blowing question, and I was getting irritated. All of them were incredibly too hard. I glanced at the clock. We were supposed to knock off early at 3:15, but our moderator held us until 3:30, and when we answered a bunch of questions wrong she got pissed at us, so she said "five more minutes," so after a while I figured that there was no end in sight. Sitting on the floor behind Kara's wheelchair, I silently gathered my stuff, while still answering questions. I rose to my knees, acting like I was just shifting my weight. I would only have one shot at this.
I shot up from the floor, and gathered all of my efforts to flee. Stride after ever-longer stride was laid upon the ground until I was far out of sight of the Latin room. I reveled in my freedom; the breakout was exhilarating.
It was not like I was missing anything. We practiced during class, as well as during lunch. I was also their strongest player and I was out-buzzing the Level Twos who had been on the Brain Bowl team for three years, and were well acquainted with buzzers. Besides, two members weren't there and Kara was complaining that I was answering too fast, and out-buzzing her. Thirty minutes wouldn't hurt.
The first place I thought to go was the Orchestra room. Kara knew that I was in orchestra, but she didn't know where the rehearsal hall was, and our moderator didn't know anything about me.
I pulled the door open to the rehearsal hall to find the quartet practicing. Ben's stuff sat in one chair, and John's in the chair behind it. Neither of the backpacks' owners were in sight. There was a momentary silence, and Mrs. Allen gave me a look that said, "What are you doing here?"
"Hi, Mrs. Allen! I just pulled a jailbreak from Certamen practice and I figured that this was the last place they'd look for me. I'll probably get yelled at tomorrow. But, for now, you don't see me. I'm a ninja." She laughed at the irresistible cheer in my voice. I sat down and listened for a moment. The quartet sounded beautiful. John's sister was the violist and her song was strong and clear. Together, they were superb. As they finished, clapping resounded from those few who bore witness. All of a sudden, I heard Ben's booming laugh, and John's merry one. It was coming from the cello room.
"I know those voices." I said aloud, leaving my stuff by my seat and picking my way through the rows of chairs. I opened the door.
"Mind if I join the party?" I asked.
"No, we don't want you." Dalton, our only bass player replied.
"Sure."
"Oh, yeah!" Ben sure was enthusiastic. I sat on a stool in the corner and watched the game of Bull**** going on before me. John shoved a card into his sock and winked at me. His mouth twisted into a crooked grin, my favorite kind. It probably wasn't good for me to be in here— my nerves were already on end from sleep deprivation and my spontaneous escape; being around John certainly wasn't going to calm me. I pushed the thought away. Finally, John threw his cards down on the music-stand-turned-table.
"I give. Let's start over and let Amber play." He gave me his crooked grin again, and my heart skipped. Out of nowhere, there came a knock on the door. John uttered something in Spanish, probably to the effect of 'who's there?" or, "who's at the door?" Ben opened up. Nick was an eighth-grader who often spent time in the Orchestra room. John offered him his cards because he didn't want to play anymore, but there was a smile in his eyes that told me it was a gesture of kindness as well.
"You're in an awkward situation..." Dalton said, trailing off. It seemed like he regretted his words.
John finished, "Yeah, between Ben, who loves you, and me who—" he stopped short. I probably looked like a deer looking into a lighthouse beacon. Whoa.
"You haven't heard the rumor?" he asked. I shook my head.
"Sevens, Amber!" Nick called. I laid down my cards and stared pointedly at John.
He continued, "There's a rumor that you and Ben are going out."
"What?" I said, incredulous.
"I said, there's a rumor—"
"I heard you! Who started that?"
"I don't know. Dalton told me." He offered.
I glared at Dalton, who flushed a ghostly color. Good, be scared of me. I looked from John to Ben. By the way Ben acted, I could tell that it was true that he loved me. I had suspected it, but I wasn't entirely sure. This was pretty awkward.
John found a way to make a mess of things even when he wasn't in the game. What skill. He leaned way over and started calling out all the cards that Ben and I had, and telling Nick and Dalton whether we were lying or not. Then, he was leaning over less to cheat and more to annoy me.
"You're making me nervous, John." I said, my hand flashing out and catching his chair quickly and pushing him to the upright position. He was leaning on a tall stool to boot.
"Ooh, you hear that, John? You're making her nervous." Dalton said.
"I'm talking about him falling on me, you imbecile." I rolled my eyes. John stopped for a while, but found another way to irritate me; he used me as a footrest.
"If you don't get off of me I'll scratch you, I swear to God, I will." I said through my teeth, digging my nails into the flesh of his leg. Ben looked... threatened.
He smacked John's leg, "Get off of her." He barked, suddenly violent. John realized his power, and put his foot back on me again. I sat perfectly still, exhibiting much more tolerance than I thought I had at that level of anxiety and exhaustion. I played the game as if John wasn't there, until Ben noticed. He was suddenly violent again, "Get off of her!" he shouted. I jumped, while John gave his crooked smile to Ben. But he wasn't done just yet. He pushed my chair over towards Ben.
"Sit next to your girlfriend." He taunted. I tossed him a dirty look.
"Deus, libera nos a malo." I was met with inquisitive looks. "God, deliver us from evil." I translated, jerking a finger toward John and gestured shooting myself with my index finger. Everyone but John laughed.
"At least I have the decency to translate into English." I pointed out.
He muttered something that had the word "sit" in it.
"Dico parvae linguae Hispaniae; I speak little of the Spanish language."
"Go sit outside." He said, finally, and then uttered something else with "sit" in it.
"Sit down and shut up," he translated again. Then, his eyes danced in the most unearthly manner. He muttered something with "sit" in it again and the word "Ben." I rolled my eyes and ignored him.
"Go sit on Ben." I sent my hand singing across his shoulder blade. He hissed in pain, and then put on a tough facade. Macho loser.
I threw down my cards, much like John did earlier. "I'm through."
"Let's play something else." Nick suggested, finally tired of the cheating and the slowness of the game. John leaned his stool into me again. I sighed and jerked his chair back and pushed it forward again.
"Saved you life." I snarled. Everyone laughed.
John ignored it, "We should play the rock stop game."
"What's that?"
"You weren't here last Thursday, you wouldn't know."
I looked around the room for an explanation.
"No way! I got hurt last time." Ben complained. I could only guess that the game involved throwing rock stops at each other. Brilliant. We started squawking names of games at each other. Then John's voice rose high and clear, "truth or dare." MyCHAPTER XV
AMBER
School was finally over, and I had survived one of the hardest days of high school so far, especially considering the ten hours of sleep I had gotten in the last three days. I was supposed to be going to Cameron's house for tutoring, but he had a conflict in scheduling, so I had a whole hour to myself. This, being my free time, would be devoured by Certamen practice. I groaned, packing my cello. Teresa walked into the room.
"Emo!" John called out. He didn't really label people, but it pissed her off, so he did it anyway.
Teresa rolled her eyes. He had been doing it all week, and each time I stood up for her. Maybe it was sleep deprivation, or maybe it was because the joke had been set up for almost a week, but I blurted out, "Stop calling her that! She may cut her wrists." John, Ben, and I cracked up, laughing until our sides hurt with the effort.
"Teresa," I pleaded, hugging her, "you know I didn't mean it." She glared daggers.
"Damn, Teresa. If looks could kill..." Ben trailed off.
"With all that eyeliner and that haircut, we'd be dead." John piped in.
"Shame you won't get a haircut." I taunted, playing devil's advocate. He tossed his head at me, his hair falling into his eyes. "Point made?" I asked. Teresa nodded.

~~~~~

Our practice moderator was ticking off question after mind-blowing question, and I was getting irritated. All of them were incredibly too hard. I glanced at the clock. We were supposed to knock off early at 3:15, but our moderator held us until 3:30, and when we answered a bunch of questions wrong she got pissed at us, so she said "five more minutes," so after a while I figured that there was no end in sight. Sitting on the floor behind Kara's wheelchair, I silently gathered my stuff, while still answering questions. I rose to my knees, acting like I was just shifting my weight. I would only have one shot at this.
I shot up from the floor, and gathered all of my efforts to flee. Stride after ever-longer stride was laid upon the ground until I was far out of sight of the Latin room. I reveled in my freedom; the breakout was exhilarating.
It was not like I was missing anything. We practiced during class, as well as during lunch. I was also their strongest player and I was out-buzzing the Level Twos who had been on the Brain Bowl team for three years, and were well acquainted with buzzers. Besides, two members weren't there and Kara was complaining that I was answering too fast, and out-buzzing her. Thirty minutes wouldn't hurt.
The first place I thought to go was the Orchestra room. Kara knew that I was in orchestra, but she didn't know where the rehearsal hall was, and our moderator didn't know anything about me.
I pulled the door open to the rehearsal hall to find the quartet practicing. Ben's stuff sat in one chair, and John's in the chair behind it. Neither of the backpacks' owners were in sight. There was a momentary silence, and Mrs. Allen gave me a look that said, "What are you doing here?"
"Hi, Mrs. Allen! I just pulled a jailbreak from Certamen practice and I figured that this was the last place they'd look for me. I'll probably get yelled at tomorrow. But, for now, you don't see me. I'm a ninja." She laughed at the irresistible cheer in my voice. I sat down and listened for a moment. The quartet sounded beautiful. John's sister was the violist and her song was strong and clear. Together, they were superb. As they finished, clapping resounded from those few who bore witness. All of a sudden, I heard Ben's booming laugh, and John's merry one. It was coming from the cello room.
"I know those voices." I said aloud, leaving my stuff by my seat and picking my way through the rows of chairs. I opened the door.
"Mind if I join the party?" I asked.
"No, we don't want you." Dalton, our only bass player replied.
"Sure."
"Oh, yeah!" Ben sure was enthusiastic. I sat on a stool in the corner and watched the game of Bull**** going on before me. John shoved a card into his sock and winked at me. His mouth twisted into a crooked grin, my favorite kind. It probably wasn't good for me to be in here— my nerves were already on end from sleep deprivation and my spontaneous escape; being around John certainly wasn't going to calm me. I pushed the thought away. Finally, John threw his cards down on the music-stand-turned-table.
"I give. Let's start over and let Amber play." He gave me his crooked grin again, and my heart skipped. Out of nowhere, there came a knock on the door. John uttered something in Spanish, probably to the effect of 'who's there?" or, "who's at the door?" Ben opened up. Nick was an eighth-grader who often spent time in the Orchestra room. John offered him his cards because he didn't want to play anymore, but there was a smile in his eyes that told me it was a gesture of kindness as well.
"You're in an awkward situation..." Dalton said, trailing off. It seemed like he regretted his words.
John finished, "Yeah, between Ben, who loves you, and me who—" he stopped short. I probably looked like a deer looking into a lighthouse beacon. Whoa.
"You haven't heard the rumor?" he asked. I shook my head.
"Sevens, Amber!" Nick called. I laid down my cards and stared pointedly at John.
He continued, "There's a rumor that you and Ben are going out."
"What?" I said, incredulous.
"I said, there's a rumor—"
"I heard you! Who started that?"
"I don't know. Dalton told me." He offered.
I glared at Dalton, who flushed a ghostly color. Good, be scared of me. I looked from John to Ben. By the way Ben acted, I could tell that it was true that he loved me. I had suspected it, but I wasn't entirely sure. This was pretty awkward.
John found a way to make a mess of things even when he wasn't in the game. What skill. He leaned way over and started calling out all the cards that Ben and I had, and telling Nick and Dalton whether we were lying or not. Then, he was leaning over less to cheat and more to annoy me.
"You're making me nervous, John." I said, my hand flashing out and catching his chair quickly and pushing him to the upright position. He was leaning on a tall stool to boot.
"Ooh, you hear that, John? You're making her nervous." Dalton said.
"I'm talking about him falling on me, you imbecile." I rolled my eyes. John stopped for a while, but found another way to irritate me; he used me as a footrest.
"If you don't get off of me I'll scratch you, I swear to God, I will." I said through my teeth, digging my nails into the flesh of his leg. Ben looked... threatened.
He smacked John's leg, "Get off of her." He barked, suddenly violent. John realized his power, and put his foot back on me again. I sat perfectly still, exhibiting much more tolerance than I thought I had at that level of anxiety and exhaustion. I played the game as if John wasn't there, until Ben noticed. He was suddenly violent again, "Get off of her!" he shouted. I jumped, while John gave his crooked smile to Ben. But he wasn't done just yet. He pushed my chair over towards Ben.
"Sit next to your girlfriend." He taunted. I tossed him a dirty look.
"Deus, libera nos a malo." I was met with inquisitive looks. "God, deliver us from evil." I translated, jerking a finger toward John and gestured shooting myself with my index finger. Everyone but John laughed.
"At least I have the decency to translate into English." I pointed out.
He muttered something that had the word "sit" in it.
"Dico parvae linguae Hispaniae; I speak little of the Spanish language."
"Go sit outside." He said, finally, and then uttered something else with "sit" in it.
"Sit down and shut up," he translated again. Then, his eyes danced in the most unearthly manner. He muttered something with "sit" in it again and the word "Ben." I rolled my eyes and ignored him.
"Go sit on Ben." I sent my hand singing across his shoulder blade. He hissed in pain, and then put on a tough facade. Macho loser.
I threw down my cards, much like John did earlier. "I'm through."
"Let's play something else." Nick suggested, finally tired of the cheating and the slowness of the game. John leaned his stool into me again. I sighed and jerked his chair back and pushed it forward again.
"Saved you life." I snarled. Everyone laughed.
John ignored it, "We should play the rock stop game."
"What's that?"
"You weren't here last Thursday, you wouldn't know."
I looked around the room for an explanation.
"No way! I got hurt last time." Ben complained. I could only guess that the game involved throwing rock stops at each other. Brilliant. We started squawking names of games at each other. Then John's voice rose high and clear, "truth or dare." MyCHAPTER XV
AMBER
School was finally over, and I had survived one of the hardest days of high school so far, especially considering the ten hours of sleep I had gotten in the last three days. I was supposed to be going to Cameron's house for tutoring, but he had a conflict in scheduling, so I had a whole hour to myself. This, being my free time, would be devoured by Certamen practice. I groaned, packing my cello. Teresa walked into the room.
"Emo!" John called out. He didn't really label people, but it pissed her off, so he did it anyway.
Teresa rolled her eyes. He had been doing it all week, and each time I stood up for her. Maybe it was sleep deprivation, or maybe it was because the joke had been set up for almost a week, but I blurted out, "Stop calling her that! She may cut her wrists." John, Ben, and I cracked up, laughing until our sides hurt with the effort.
"Teresa," I pleaded, hugging her, "you know I didn't mean it." She glared daggers.
"Damn, Teresa. If looks could kill..." Ben trailed off.
"With all that eyeliner and that haircut, we'd be dead." John piped in.
"Shame you won't get a haircut." I taunted, playing devil's advocate. He tossed his head at me, his hair falling into his eyes. "Point made?" I asked. Teresa nodded.

~~~~~

Our practice moderator was ticking off question after mind-blowing question, and I was getting irritated. All of them were incredibly too hard. I glanced at the clock. We were supposed to knock off early at 3:15, but our moderator held us until 3:30, and when we answered a bunch of questions wrong she got pissed at us, so she said "five more minutes," so after a while I figured that there was no end in sight. Sitting on the floor behind Kara's wheelchair, I silently gathered my stuff, while still answering questions. I rose to my knees, acting like I was just shifting my weight. I would only have one shot at this.
I shot up from the floor, and gathered all of my efforts to flee. Stride after ever-longer stride was laid upon the ground until I was far out of sight of the Latin room. I reveled in my freedom; the breakout was exhilarating.
It was not like I was missing anything. We practiced during class, as well as during lunch. I was also their strongest player and I was out-buzzing the Level Twos who had been on the Brain Bowl team for three years, and were well acquainted with buzzers. Besides, two members weren't there and Kara was complaining that I was answering too fast, and out-buzzing her. Thirty minutes wouldn't hurt.
The first place I thought to go was the Orchestra room. Kara knew that I was in orchestra, but she didn't know where the rehearsal hall was, and our moderator didn't know anything about me.
I pulled the door open to the rehearsal hall to find the quartet practicing. Ben's stuff sat in one chair, and John's in the chair behind it. Neither of the backpacks' owners were in sight. There was a momentary silence, and Mrs. Allen gave me a look that said, "What are you doing here?"
"Hi, Mrs. Allen! I just pulled a jailbreak from Certamen practice and I figured that this was the last place they'd look for me. I'll probably get yelled at tomorrow. But, for now, you don't see me. I'm a ninja." She laughed at the irresistible cheer in my voice. I sat down and listened for a moment. The quartet sounded beautiful. John's sister was the violist and her song was strong and clear. Together, they were superb. As they finished, clapping resounded from those few who bore witness. All of a sudden, I heard Ben's booming laugh, and John's merry one. It was coming from the cello room.
"I know those voices." I said aloud, leaving my stuff by my seat and picking my way through the rows of chairs. I opened the door.
"Mind if I join the party?" I asked.
"No, we don't want you." Dalton, our only bass player replied.
"Sure."
"Oh, yeah!" Ben sure was enthusiastic. I sat on a stool in the corner and watched the game of Bull**** going on before me. John shoved a card into his sock and winked at me. His mouth twisted into a crooked grin, my favorite kind. It probably wasn't good for me to be in here— my nerves were already on end from sleep deprivation and my spontaneous escape; being around John certainly wasn't going to calm me. I pushed the thought away. Finally, John threw his cards down on the music-stand-turned-table.
"I give. Let's start over and let Amber play." He gave me his crooked grin again, and my heart skipped. Out of nowhere, there came a knock on the door. John uttered something in Spanish, probably to the effect of 'who's there?" or, "who's at the door?" Ben opened up. Nick was an eighth-grader who often spent time in the Orchestra room. John offered him his cards because he didn't want to play anymore, but there was a smile in his eyes that told me it was a gesture of kindness as well.
"You're in an awkward situation..." Dalton said, trailing off. It seemed like he regretted his words.
John finished, "Yeah, between Ben, who loves you, and me who—" he stopped short. I probably looked like a deer looking into a lighthouse beacon. Whoa.
"You haven't heard the rumor?" he asked. I shook my head.
"Sevens, Amber!" Nick called. I laid down my cards and stared pointedly at John.
He continued, "There's a rumor that you and Ben are going out."
"What?" I said, incredulous.
"I said, there's a rumor—"
"I heard you! Who started that?"
"I don't know. Dalton told me." He offered.
I glared at Dalton, who flushed a ghostly color. Good, be scared of me. I looked from John to Ben. By the way Ben acted, I could tell that it was true that he loved me. I had suspected it, but I wasn't entirely sure. This was pretty awkward.
John found a way to make a mess of things even when he wasn't in the game. What skill. He leaned way over and started calling out all the cards that Ben and I had, and telling Nick and Dalton whether we were lying or not. Then, he was leaning over less to cheat and more to annoy me.
"You're making me nervous, John." I said, my hand flashing out and catching his chair quickly and pushing him to the upright position. He was leaning on a tall stool to boot.
"Ooh, you hear that, John? You're making her nervous." Dalton said.
"I'm talking about him falling on me, you imbecile." I rolled my eyes. John stopped for a while, but found another way to irritate me; he used me as a footrest.
"If you don't get off of me I'll scratch you, I swear to God, I will." I said through my teeth, digging my nails into the flesh of his leg. Ben looked... threatened.
He smacked John's leg, "Get off of her." He barked, suddenly violent. John realized his power, and put his foot back on me again. I sat perfectly still, exhibiting much more tolerance than I thought I had at that level of anxiety and exhaustion. I played the game as if John wasn't there, until Ben noticed. He was suddenly violent again, "Get off of her!" he shouted. I jumped, while John gave his crooked smile to Ben. But he wasn't done just yet. He pushed my chair over towards Ben.
"Sit next to your girlfriend." He taunted. I tossed him a dirty look.
"Deus, libera nos a malo." I was met with inquisitive looks. "God, deliver us from evil." I translated, jerking a finger toward John and gestured shooting myself with my index finger. Everyone but John laughed.
"At least I have the decency to translate into English." I pointed out.
He muttered something that had the word "sit" in it.
"Dico parvae linguae Hispaniae; I speak little of the Spanish language."
"Go sit outside." He said, finally, and then uttered something else with "sit" in it.
"Sit down and shut up," he translated again. Then, his eyes danced in the most unearthly manner. He muttered something with "sit" in it again and the word "Ben." I rolled my eyes and ignored him.
"Go sit on Ben." I sent my hand singing across his shoulder blade. He hissed in pain, and then put on a tough facade. Macho loser.
I threw down my cards, much like John did earlier. "I'm through."
"Let's play something else." Nick suggested, finally tired of the cheating and the slowness of the game. John leaned his stool into me again. I sighed and jerked his chair back and pushed it forward again.
"Saved you life." I snarled. Everyone laughed.
John ignored it, "We should play the rock stop game."
"What's that?"
"You weren't here last Thursday, you wouldn't know."
I looked around the room for an explanation.
"No way! I got hurt last time." Ben complained. I could only guess that the game involved throwing rock stops at each other. Brilliant. We started squawking names of games at each other. Then John's voice rose high and clear, "truth or dare." Myheart skipped two beats, but I didn't show it. "I'm game."
My head swam. Dalton started off, "Ben, truth, or dare?"
"Truth."
Nick walked out of the room, obviously uninterested. This could get more awkward without Nick.
Ben guarded the door, and I was a creature, trapped. Ben answered a question about a rumor that was circulating about him loving a girl named Molly. He denied it. I backed my chair a little out of the circle, obviously nervous. I peered into each face and swallowed hard.
"Amber, truth, or dare?"
"Truth." I responded.
"You have to choose a dare at least once." Dalton said.
"No." I replied, all to quickly.
"Why?" all three asked simultaneously.
"I'm the only girl in a room full of teenage boys. That grants me immunity."
"No, it doesn't. John's a girl." I glared at Ben.
"Ha, ha. Funny. No." I was resolute, firm. The argument stopped, unfinished. I dropped it.
"Would you make out with John, for the right price?"
"**** no." I lied.
"Any price? Outside of Bill Gates' price range?"
"No." I trembled.
Ben looked at me hard for a minute. "You know you would." I shot a death glance at him. He knew it and I knew it, but I wouldn't admit it in front of Dalton. We moved on.
"Ask a question." Dalton prompted.
"I defer." I said. Ben picked up.
"John, truth, or dare?"
"Dare." The word hung in the air like something tangible and alive.
"Help me." Ben said.
Dalton leaned over and whispered into Ben's ear. They both began laughing.
"What about Amber?" I guess John caught my name in the jumbled muttering.
"I don't like that one." Ben said, ignoring John.
"I dare you to kiss Amber." Dalton offered. The room fell silent. John's eyes danced with more fervor than ever before.
"Do not drag me into this," I said.
"She's not game. She wouldn't let me." John challenged, although he looked slightly eager.
"Come on. It's a dare." Ben and Dalton sing-songed.
They chanted, "Do it, do it, do it."
I turned my face away from them, "Men are pigs." I said, trembling, my hands clasped together so that no one would see.
"You know you want to." Ben said. I snorted at him and tossed my head, my face felt hot.
"Do it, do it." Dalton still chanted.
"Okay, stop. She's cracking under the peer pressure." Ben called him off. I realized that I had backed my chair into the corner. Again, a creature, trapped. This time, I was backed into a corner as well as trapped. Smooth.
"What time is it?" I asked, totally off topic.
"4:09." Nick said, walking back into the room.
"****!" I hissed, "I gotta go!"
"Liar." John accused. Allegations flew around the room.
I gave in, "Okay, but if I get in trouble I'm kicking all of your asses." Ben was blocking the door anyway, so it was not likely that I was getting out.
We stopped the game after that, and— besides the perpetual flirting from Ben and John— I was treated like one of the guys. After a while, there came a knock at the door. Ben cracked the door open and Sunny poked her head in.
"Time to go. Mom's — whoa."
"What?" I asked.
"You're the only girl in a small room full of teenage boys, one of which is—"
I cleared my throat. "So?"
Her eyes danced, "Nothing. Mom is here. Get your stuff."
"Told you I had to go," I sighed.
"All you had to say was that you were serious." Ben said.
"I did! You were blocking the door." I whined.
I edged out of the cello room, "Bye, y'all."
"Bye." They chorused, John waving excitedly.
~~~~~
I explained the afternoon to Sunny. "Then he said 'between Ben, who loves you, and me who—' and he just stopped! The blanks are; me who you love."
"Not necessarily. It could be; me who loves you, too."
I was shocked; I hadn't considered that. This could only get more complicated from here.
But I wondered how long I hurt him. I think Ben had always cared for me, if not loved me. He was always so careful around my feelings, and so gentle towards me. He noticed when I was getting anxious with the direction of our John conversations, and (happily) changed the subject. He would push me to tell him stuff, but never too hard. And only once it was spelled out for me did I understand, and I felt remorse for what I had done.
How many words had I spoken to him about John? How many times had I not seen how he winced inside? How many nails had I driven into his heart? I wasn't trying to be cruel. I wasn't trying to hurt him. But I know I did, and I hated myself for hurting my friend. I knew I could painstakingly pluck each of the thousands of nails out, one by one, but how could I fill in the holes? Nails always leave holes.

CHAPTER XVI (A WEEK LATER)
NICOLE
I could only guess that she was waiting for John, as she had been emotionally for three years. It was the only explanation I could find for the reason that Amber stayed for the quartet practice. It was nice to have an audience for once, and she was a good one, applauding when we finished a song, her eyes dancing to the tune.
After a while, her twin stepped in, though they looked nothing alike. There wasn't even the same air about them. Amber was spirited, confident, and playful, while Sunny just seemed out of place.
The hour was passing quickly, and we only had twenty minutes left. As we were finishing an especially dark song, the rain began. I liked her eyes especially when they danced to the dark tune. They were unpredictable, brooding, and pleased. I could tell that she liked the sinister tune the best.
Out of nowhere, my best friend, Katie walked in, utterly soaked. Mrs. Allen eyed her curiously.
"Katie, you're soaked." She pointed out.
"Yeah. I'll go sit in the hall." She said, grimacing at the fabric cushions of the seats.
"No. It's okay. They'll dry."
"How's the rain?" I heard Amber's sweet voice say, a shock from Katie's familiar voice, and Mrs. Allen's tired one, but not as different from the voices of the instruments.
"Fine. It's warm outside, so I guess it's okay. Why?"
"I wanted to go play in it." She admitted, her eyes smiling before the upturn of the corners of her mouth. John said that was how she always smiled. I used to blow it off as my brother being in love, but now I could see that it was true.
She packed her cello gently, taking great care to not harm it. She must be as obsessive as I was when it came to her instrument. She set the cello down carefully, and then trotted outside.
She came back a few moments later, soaked. She was shaking uncontrollably, and the shaking came from the pit of her stomach. I took in the sight of her, and she glanced up. I smiled at her, a genuine token of kindness, and she smiled back, and then shuddered hard. We giggled, and even though there were no words passed between us, I approved of her. I just wondered if she knew how John felt about her.

CHAPTER XVII
AMBER
"The girl, sitting next to you, with the cello!" Katie Colburn hissed at Nicole.
I waved at Nicole, and gave a confused grin.
"We love the streaks in your hair." They chorused.
"Thanks." I whispered, unable to speak normally, because I had lost my voice. I had streaked my hair with markers for the Pep rally, and it didn't go unnoticed.
It was great getting a compliment from them, because I had always admired them. They were the epitome of being happy with oneself. They wore what they wanted, they acted how they wished, and they even read what they wanted, as well. As I sat there, I wondered why I wasn't happy with myself. I thought while I tuned and I thought while I played, every now and then marveling at the wonders of a cello, allowing you to think and play at the same time. The only answer I could come up with was John.
Over three years, I changed everything about myself to make him like me more, and I'm not sure that it was good enough, yet. I was only self-conscious around him. I only felt small standing beside him. Was this love detrimental?
Deep in thought, I was silent all through Orchestra, and Ben took my lack of speech as anger or moodiness. He tried to cheer me up all throughout class until I asked him to leave me alone two minutes before the bell rang.
"Oops, now I'm on Amber's bad side." He pantomimed horror.
I tried to be gentle with him, "Nobody is on my bad side. I'm too tired to have a bad side. Of course, that means that I don't have a good side, either. As a matter of fact, it would probably be smarter for everyone to just stay away at risk of death."
His eyes looked tortured for a moment, and he hesitated, "What about John?"
"I don't care what John does. If he chooses to torment me, then that's okay by me, as long as he's close by." I winced at the brutal honesty of it, but he asked.
~~~~~
So I was skipping Certamen practice, again. I swore that I needed some time for myself. We had Sean, Sarah, Ben, and me. I turned a cartwheel, simply glad it was Friday, and instead of landing it I slipped down into a split.
"You know, I would be slapping you around if it weren't for your current condition." Sarah told me that she started her period in her last class.
"You don't look sick." Ben commented. Sarah and I giggled at each other.
"You never do..." Sarah mumbled.
"At least you didn't start in the middle of the night."
"Oh man, that would suck."
"That's how I started my first time, and I was freaking out thinking that I was bleeding internally at first."
Aaron Redda, the village idiot of the school walked by, "Me, too."
Sarah and I laughed until we couldn't anymore. I wiped a tear away from my cheek.
Ben and Sean were talking, obviously uninterested. I turned another cartwheel, and then launched into a series of cartwheels and round-offs.
"What's your problem?" Ben asked, as I was walking on my hands.
"It's Friday!" I chirped.
"Nobody can hear that decibel." Ben said, twitching. It was kind of high. Sarah translated.
By then I had stripped to my undershirt. Skintight, tan, and seamless, it showed off my figure well. Ben ambled over in mid-handstand. He poked me in the stomach. I fell flat on my back.
"*******. I'll get you back." I promised.
The opportunity arose while he was drinking from a bottle of water. I bumped the bottom of the bottle, sending water down the front of his shirt. He tilted the bottle over my head.
"You wouldn't." I growled.
"I would." his eyes danced, though not as nimbly as John's.
"This shirt turns invisible when wet." He chuckled, but never wet me. Was it respect or fear that kept him from it? I didn't care, but I still found myself wondering.
Sarah's ride pulled up, which left me alone with Sean and Ben. I was sort of wishing Sean would leave. I wanted to talk to Ben. I wanted truth. I was sick of being left in the dark. Ben and I urged him to leave, and I was surprised he didn't start the inevitable conversation then and there.
"Are you going?" I asked Sean.
"You're so mean. I thought you were my best friend." He commented.
I told the truth, "Not hardly."
Ben pounced, "So who is your best friend— besides John?"
I took the mention of John in stride. I seemed to be doing that better lately. "Kathleen."
"Then?"
"Sarah, then Wendy, then Sunny, then Nicki."
"Then?"
"You, and Kara, Katie, Jessica, Joe, Caleb, and Teresa."
He seemed pleased that his name was on the list somewhere. "Then?"
"Gabby, and Randy. Then I don't rank."
Sean walked away, "Okay, I'm finally leaving."
"Yay!" Ben and I chorused.
Ben tried to start the inevitable conversation, when Sunny walked up. He seemed... disappointed. I was, too. But, after a long while, she spotted her friend, Lizzie, and we were left alone. He cleared his throat, and my leg muscles tensed, as if I could simply run away.
"So, now that I've finally got you alone..." The words were both smooth and deadly, like a beautifully streamlined gun fitted with a shiny, silver bullet. Each word was equally weighted, except for the word finally. It made for such an effect that I felt my stomach wretch. It was like I was trapped and that was exactly how he wanted it. His innocent words had become menacing and sinister. His eyes were settled upon me, brown and piercing, studying my face, appraising my body language. I held back the trembling, then failed, allowing him to see my weakness. I would never do that with anyone else. I wondered how much I trusted him; I was uncomfortable, but I was willing to speak. I found that, for once, I could be brave. I knew what was coming, and I was as prepared for it as I could ever be— even though it was like holding up an inflatable raft to a machine gun for preparedness and protection. I could face death, but I still felt myself flinch inside. Ben noticed my reluctance. He reached out and brushed a leaf from my back, his hand pausing on my ribcage. It was meant to be comforting, but even my breathing was shallow and shaky. I turned my face away from him and closed my eyes against the urge to faint.
"Deus salve me." I muttered under my breath. It translated to God, save me, in Latin. I shuddered under his hand, and he pulled away, quickly. The conversation never happened. He simply stopped. Soon after, Sunny came back and then his parents arrived. But I was willing to speak, and I knew that next time, I would be, too.
I found myself grateful that he wouldn't harm me. After all the times John had tripped over that fine line between love and abuse, I loved him, while I couldn't love Ben when he hadn't hurt me once. No matter how many times John had thrown me to the ground, or how many times he would in the future, I couldn't tear my eyes away. He was like a tornado, or a mustang; beautiful and horrendous all the same, but something I loved and respected. For three years I had adored the destructive, dancing form, and though there was another option that was less devastating, I knew that I couldn't take him.

BEN
I had her after school. I could answer the questions rolling around in my mind; I could hear truth. But everything was in the way. Sean and Sarah, then Sunny, but when we were finally left alone, I was in my own way. I was hesitant. I was reluctant. I was too soft, but how could I not be gentle with the one I loved?
There was hesitance when I cleared my throat, hesitance when I started the conversation, this Dance of Death. We were sitting under the shade of a small oak tree.
"So, now that I've finally got you alone..." The words were quicksilver, they came off smoother than I ever imagined my voice could muster. But there was a chilling, enchanting effect, and she picked up on it. I saw her tense up, and I wanted to show her that I understood, but that it had to be done. I wished only to touch her, as one would want to stroke the petals of a rose, to comfort her, as one would rock a crying child. I reached out, and swiped a leaf off of her back. I paused there for a second, and felt her ribs expand from breath. She let it out, long and tremulous, and her breathing became uneasy. She turned her face away from me, but I saw her close her eyes and mutter something under her breath, too quickly for me to make out the words. For the first time, she was willing to speak, but I couldn't make her so uncomfortable. She shuddered under my touch, and I pulled my hand away. It was odd really, like a jungle cat allowing someone to stroke her: mistrustful, but yet perfectly still.
I found that I couldn't hurt her. Unlike John, I couldn't be careless with her feelings; I couldn't be ruthless with her heart. But did she love John for his brutality? Were I but crueler to her, could she love me?

CHAPTER XVIII
AMBER
I put on my Latin jersey, and combed through the tangles in my hair. I didn't bother to put makeup on, because it wasn't like I had anyone to put makeup on for. If John was there... but I had stopped hoping. I used to hope that I would see him every time I went to Wal-Mart, or the Movies, but I realized that the chances were one to a trillion, and that it was folly.
Today, I was selling programs at the Florida State University game, to help the Latin Club raise money for competitions. It was thankless and miserable, but it wasn't homework or chores.
"Let's go." I called to my dad.
~~~~~
I had been paired up with one of the Moms, Mrs. Anderson, who insisted that I simply call her Pam. I obliged, treating the name as a gift. First, we had a booth, but we weren't selling, so she sent me to go get a canvas carrying-bag. I trotted inside, hoping to take the seven-yard route from Gate M to Gate H, but as I rounded the corner I noticed that it was roped off, and they were leading Renegade to his stall. Renegade was an Appaloosa horse whom our mascot rode out astride during halftime. He gawked at the assembling crowd, and I realized that I wouldn't get there quickly. I went around the long way, humming to myself as I moved through the lighted corridors.
Once I got the bag, I went bolting back, vaulting over bushes and trashcans. I pulled up at a trot, taking in the incredulous stares.
"So, Mrs. Pam, any sales?" I asked, as she loaded programs onto my back.
"No. This was the worst place to put a booth!" She said. We set out.
"Programs! Get your programs here! Support the baby Seminoles!" I called to the masses. "Let's go to the Fair!" I said, suddenly excited. The fair was a collection of tents in front of the stadium that gave away free stuff and where most of the buyers were. We sold a little in the fair, and I saw Kati Fannin, a girl who I used to have P.E. with. I motioned to the sidewalk beside the Fair.
"This is the best place to go. There are people and tailgaters coming in." I told Mrs. Pam, and we sold quite a lot where we were. I looked up at the stunning sunset. The world was beautiful.
All of a sudden, I saw something more beautiful than the sunset— John's face. I waved at him, his sister, his parents. His inhuman eyes took me in, and he smiled, a beautiful genuine smile. His sister, who I sat next to in Orchestra, walked over and poked me.
"Hi, person!"
"Hi, Nicole! Hi, John!"
She rolled her eyes, "He's shy, he won't come up and talk to people."
I felt my heart sink, but then John challenged her statement and waltzed over. Nicole looked incredulous.
"Hey, gorgeous." I purred. There was a foot of space between us.
"Hey! Sucks that you have to sell programs."
I smiled, "It's not so bad."
"No?" He asked.
"Well, you're here. By the way, you should buy a program from me, seriously."
"I don't have any money." He seemed disappointed. He looked to his Dad who was standing in line at the football booth at the end of the Fair, "I got to go."
I was unwilling to let him leave, but I needed to sell programs. I marked the booth.
John and his Dad were up at the football booth, and I edged over to the sidelines. The object of the game was to throw a football at wooden figures about twenty yards from the start line. Their hands made circles for the football to go through, and the idea was to get the football through the hole. John's Dad went first, throwing all five shots with perfect ease, despite the gray of his hair. Two were winning shots. John's Dad was built very much like his son, athletic and muscular. I wouldn't be surprised should I have learned that he played football as a youth. John was up next, and I cheered for him from the sidelines. One shot was winning. He beamed at me, totally proud of himself.
"Whoa! Go John! Nice shot!"
The moon was out by now, full, and smiling on lovers and haters alike, though I could be completely sure that it smiled on at least two lovers tonight.

JOHN
"Nicole! Let's go!" Mom called up the stairs. She was taking a long time to get ready for the game, and Mom said that traffic would be terrible and we should account for it. I snorted, so much for that. I didn't like being late because it gave me time to think. Would Amber be there? She had mentioned having to sell programs before, and I could only pray that I would see her. But what would happen if I saw her? What would happen if I didn't? Nicole came sweeping down the stairs, and I could stop thinking about her.
~~~~~
The stadium was framed by the most dramatic sunset I've seen in ages. We were starting across the street when it came into view, and in the frenzied mass of people, I saw something more beautiful than the sunset, or maybe they enhanced each other.
She was wearing her purple Latin Club jersey, and an awful looking vest that was packed with programs, but she still outshone everybody in the crowd. Her face was bathed in the waning pink twilight, and she was smiling, though it didn't touch her eyes. She recognized Nicole, first and her eyes flew open with disbelief. Then she saw me, and her cheeks turned pinker in the light, her eyes began to dance, and her lips parted from the slight dropping of her jaw. I noticed her ribcage collapse from expulsion of breath, and smiled at her before I knew that I was doing so. She smiled back, the countenance of a person who was dancing in the rain— marveled and profoundly joyous. She clasped her hands together, though it didn't mask the shaking. How did I have this effect on her?
Nicole approached her and she greeted us both, though I hung back, nervous myself.
I overheard my sister say, "He's shy, he won't come over and talk to people." Would I let the night end like that? I sauntered into the conversation.
"Hi, gorgeous." Amber greeted. I took it in stride.
"Hey! It sucks that you have to sell programs." I was sympathetic.
She smiled gracefully, "It's not so bad."
I was a bit confused. "No?"
"Well," she said honestly, "you're here." She changed the subject quickly, eyeing my parents; "By the way, you should buy a program from me, seriously."
"I don't have any money." I would have if I had six dollars on me. I was actually remorseful. My family had departed, Mom and Nicole were wandering around at the Fair, and Dad was finding a place in line at a booth close by. They all knew, and I guess they wanted to leave us alone. In that light, I wanted to kiss her right there. To resist the urge, I excused myself "I gotta go." Her eyes stopped dancing.
The whole wait in line I watched her. She was working with Isaac's mother, a gentle but sarcastic woman. The light was still pink, but a little muted. She bounced to the side of the customers and thanked each and every one of them for buying programs from her. Her beauty definitely worked to her advantage as a vendor, but I don't even think she noticed when most of her customers bypassed vendors in front of her, and then stopped at her. She shone; it was her smile and her demeanor. It was my turn in line, and I gripped the football hard, willing it to be winning. I drew back and tossed the ball at the farthest wooden figurine. It hit him in the back of the head. I heard a cheer rise from the sidelines. "Go John!" it said— Amber's voice said. I threw again and it missed, too. I closed my eyes and focused my thoughts on her encouragement. "You can do it, John! Go, John!" I drew back slowly and launched the ball with a quick, fluid motion. It spiraled perfectly and was winning; she applauded wildly, my own personal cheerleader.
By the time I was finished, the sunset had ebbed and the harvest moon had taken its place. Hello, moon. Beautiful, huh? No, no. Not you. Amber: your fallen angel. Though you bear strange resemblance to one another. Smile down upon her, will you? Show her the love that I have for her, since I can't— not tonight. Soon, maybe, but not tonight.

CHAPTER XIX
JOHN
I pressed my face against the door to Mrs. McQuone's room. The class was assembled in rows, with the guest speaker and our teacher in the center. Amber had her head resting lightly on Katie's shoulder, and was standing a little diagonal from Kara Wilcox, who was on crutches, today. Something made the class laugh, and a smile graced her inhumanely beautiful face for what seemed like an eternity, though I should have liked to see her smile longer than an eternity. Cameron snapped the class picture. Katie whispered something into her ear and she giggled again, rolling her eyes. The bell rang. I saw Kara misstep before anybody in the class, but I was helpless. Amber's arm flashed out and caught her beneath the ribs, and she set Kara upright. The movement was so quick that had I blinked, I would have missed the reflexive protection of her friend. I stepped inside, my eyes settled on her graceful form, as usual.
"Gasp! It's John!" She greeted as she passed me. I didn't respond, too captivated to speak, or to even tear my eyes away. She stared at me through her lashes, suddenly shy, and smiled at me.
"Have fun meeting Mr. McQuone." She commented.
I pointed incredulously to the guest speaker, a portly man with thinning hair, and a weary, but gentle countenance.
"That's—?" I mouthed. She nodded, then made a clucking sound in her throat, and traced a circle around her ear, whistling. I understood instantly.

AMBER
I took my seat between Ben and Nicole, setting my cello down carefully. I could already tell that Ben was going to try to vie for my attention, today, but I really wasn't in the mood.
Nicole smiled at me, "I saw you on Saturday!" She said, as if I didn't know it.
"I saw you, too!" I copied her jesting tone.
She was suddenly serious, "I'm sorry that John wouldn't talk to you, much. My brother is retarded. He has this thing about going up and talking to people he knows out in public."
"Why?" I asked, unable to keep the absurdity from my voice.
"I don't know. I think it's stupid, too."
"It was actually irritating." Nicole nodded sympathetically, and even with a grimace on her face, she was still as beautiful as John.
~~~~~
"Hey, it's Nicole, again." I greeted, meandering to the back of the school.
"Hi, Amber, what's up?"
"Nothing really." Well, I really wanted to ask her about John, but I knew I would have to become better friends with her and then I would have to learn how to breach the subject. Joy.
"My back hurts," she complained, "It always hurts after Orchestra."
"Really? It's not so bad for cellists."
"It was really hard over the summer, when I had to rehearse for the Tallahassee Symphony Youth Orchestra. Rehearsal was two and a half hours."
My jaw fell open slightly, "My arm would fall off before my back started hurting." She laughed.
Suddenly I felt a hard push from behind, and Nicole and I turned around. It was Sunny.
"Did I scare you?" She asked, her left eyebrow cocked, giving her face a slightly elfish quality.
"Maybe. But, I'll get you back." I grinned, and then turned to Nicole, "Anyway, I can deal with Orchestra, but my back hurts after I have to sell programs. They gave us those ugly little vests and loaded me up with thirty, and they're about an inch thick. I swear that if that wasn't on a voluntary basis, it would be against all child labor laws." She nodded, "To top it off, we only get seventy five cents a program, where we sell them for six bucks."
"That's so ridiculous." She said. Sunny was walking closely behind me, and I stopped quickly. With no time to react, she slammed into me.
Nicole laughed, "John and I aren't as bad as you two."
"We share a room," I explained. Nicole looked aghast, and then began laughing harder. Wow, her reaction was the same as John's.
I saw her dad pulling up, and it took everything to keep from asking her if John ever talked about me or loved me, or anything. I don't know how to start the topic, I reasoned with myself, and I would need more time.

NICOLE
Amber quick-stepped to my side and said hello. I wondered if she had something to talk to me about. I wanted so badly to tell her how John felt, but I would have to gain her trust, first, and further gain her friendship. Though there had been few words passed between us, I considered us friends, and I knew I could be her strongest ally as far as John was concerned. I would have loved to see them together. I made chat about Orchestra, making the topic mostly up to her. All of a sudden, Amber received a hard push from behind. In one fluid motion that lasted only a fraction of a second, she caught her breath, almost tripped, and checked her stride. John said she was graceful.
"Did I scare you?" Sunny, her twin, asked.
"Maybe." She drug out the first syllable, so that it sounded sheepish. "But I'll get you back." It was not a threat, but rather a promise. She went on as if nothing had happened, turning the conversation toward the football game. Without notice, she stopped short. Sunny slammed into her from behind, but she was braced for the impact. A victorious smile crept to the corners of her mouth, curving them up. I couldn't help but laugh at their antics.
"John and I aren't as bad as you two."
Sunny hung back.
"We share a room," Amber said, by way of an explanation. I laughed even harder. If I had to share a room with John I would probably hang myself in the closet! It was strange, though; you had to be a sibling to understand the impact of sharing a room. Suddenly, I saw my dad pull up, and even though it was only a few moments, it took everything inside of me to not tell her about John.

CHAPTER XX
JOHN
She said hello to me this morning, and I could only manage to mumble a greeting back. I was prisoner to the sight of her; not allowed to blink or breathe or even tear my eyes away from her perfect, seraph's face. Later, she said hello again, and I couldn't say anything, at all. I was totally captivated. She stood in the sun, but did not squint from the brightness. I guessed the sun was kinder to its kin. The wind blew her hair gently, a halo of red-gold around her face, and she smiled at me, her eyes dancing in time to my heartbeat, which was rather quick. Her cheeks turned slightly pink from shyness, though she was only shy around me. She was so undeniably beautiful, that I wasn't sure why I didn't have much competition for her heart. Or maybe I did.
I knew that Ben loved her as much as she loved me. I had seen the way Dalton eyed her. I knew that Matt still loved her, no matter that she pushed him away. But I also knew that she wouldn't give them more than passing glances, because she loved me. Ben would be a better choice, than me. He had never hurt her, he had always been gentle and kind, and he practically worshipped her. He would treat her right, he respected her— but she wanted me. Could I ever get over my shyness and take her seriously? Could I ever be happy with an earthbound angel and all the love in her heart?

AMBER
"Good morning." I managed cheerfulness, even though I was tired beyond belief. Thank goodness it was Friday.
"Morning." John said, never blinking, never looking away, with a slight smile touching his lips. He was like that every time we passed each other in the halls. Until the game, he sneaked glances at me. After, he wasn't so secretive. Maybe he did love me.
~~~~~
I walked into English and looked at our warm-up, a journal entry entitled "What is love?" What is love? I tried to think about whom I love: my family, my friends, and John. Family love is a bit different than other forms of love, because you are bound to love— you may disapprove of your family, but you always love them, and they are always a part of you. I loved Kathleen and Sarah, but it was more changeable— we could stop being friends.
Then there was John. It started out as first love, a feeling you only get once that is wonderful, but that departs quickly. Then my love for John morphed into true love, where you love someone so much for so long that you can't help but to find him or her beautiful. So I tried to explain how I felt about John as a description of love, as many poets had tried to describe before me.
Love is when you can't be in the same room with someone without your heart skipping beats, without being consumed by involuntary trembling, without your stomach bottoming out, or your knees becoming weak. You cannot see the person whom you are in love with, without sneaking glances at their face, or losing your breath, or saying something only to hear their voice respond.
You think constantly of the person you're in love with, trading hours of sleep for the opportunity to wish he or she was by your side. You often try to make that person laugh, because you would never wish anything less than "wonderful" on your love. If he or she is sad, you cry. If he or she is depressed, you sulk. If he or she is angry, you punch a wall.
Love is also a battlefield, where all warriors are blind, as well as tone-deaf, for your words can be construed so in the game of Love, that tone of voice does not often matter.
Often, though, you love someone who doesn't love you in return, or who cannot. This is because Love is not familiar with boundaries. There are no walls that love cannot simply pass through without a thought. There are no racial or social bounds. Love is everywhere and nowhere. Love is in you, and in me.
There are so many times that people think that they only have the capacity to love one person, or no one at all. But, they discount the capacity of others to love them. I am doing that, right now. I recognize it, but I won't do anything to fix it. Why, you ask? I'm in love.
~~~~~
Yesterday, I had been the quartet's audience, yet again. I was coloring, my pencil going in steady time to the music, shading my latest work, a glowing specter of a horse with a scar over his eye called "Phantasma." Then I got out a clean sheet of paper and tried to draw Nicole as she was playing, but my drawing skills were inadequate to portray her beauty. Nonetheless, I worked steadily until four o' clock rolled around. The quartet finished as I was packing up my stuff, all but the unfinished picture.
"I fail," I announced. I was met with inquisitive looks. "I was trying to draw a picture of you, Nicole." I held up the mutant drawing.
"Aww, how sweet." She said, flattered.
When I got home, I fixed the nose and adjusted the cheekbones, and compelled by an unknown force, much larger than myself I finished and colored the drawing. I was satisfied that it even resembled a human. I thought I would show it to her, tomorrow.

CHAPTER XXI
AMBER
With cello in hand, I walked to the back of the school, all the way across campus. I was hyperaware that John was walking but twenty paces behind me. I turned between the Cafeteria and the Gym, catching up to Joe and Sean.
"Amber!" Joe greeted, hugging me as I put my cello down. He was getting especially "huggy" lately. I rolled my eyes.
"Have you ever heard a dead baby joke?" he asked.
"No." I drug out the syllable, skeptically. If Joe was telling the joke, it couldn't be good.
"What is the difference—" John walked up, "Oh, hi John."
"Dead baby joke?" John asked.
"Yeah. What is the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?"
"The trampoline bounces?" I guessed.
"I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline?" John guessed. Nice.
"I don't have a trampoline in my backyard." Joe said.
We all laughed. "Okay, I gotta go," John and I said simultaneously. I blushed.
We walked together, laughing at a middle schooler who was running after his friend on a bike. He curved to his locker, and I told him goodbye. Sarah called to me from behind. I waited for her and then we walked together to one of the scrubby oaks. We set our stuff down and I noticed Kathleen and Cameron approaching. Nicole walked a few paces behind. I greeted Kathleen and Cameron, and then got the drawing from my backpack.
I trotted over to Nicole, calling her name. She stopped, waiting by the side of the sidewalk carrying her backpack and quiche. We were making pies in culinary class.
"Hey!" She smiled.
"I finished it, the drawing. I'm not sure what compelled me to do so, and it's not very good." I held it up.
"The boobs are too big." she said, and I blushed at the graceless honesty, "But those look like the earrings I wore yesterday!" She noted. John walked up. "Look John! She drew a picture of me!"
"Make the nose a little bigger." He commented.
"Quit being such an *******." I said, before I even realized the words were out of my mouth.
"Thank you!" Nicole said, "He needs to hear it from multiple sources."
"How do you put up with him?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes, "I don't. You know what you should do with that?"
"What?"
"Hang it above your bed. Then, before you go to sleep every night, you'll see my beautiful face." She couldn't help but laugh at her own joke.
"Beautiful?" John asked, laughing as well, "not hardly."
"Didn't we already go over the not-being-an-******* thing?" Nicole asked.
I worked off of her, "I think we did."
Suddenly his eyes danced with mischief, and he tried to steal Nicole's quiche. She dodged him. I laughed at them, since it looked so much like something Sunny and I would do. "I thought you weren't as bad as Sunny and me."
"So did I," she said, surrendering the quiche. He went running off to their Dad's car, which had just appeared. Simultaneously, we called after his retreating form, "Real men don't eat quiche!" and laughing, we bade each other goodbye.

JOHN
I followed her to the back of the school, hoping to see her smile at me in the sunlight again. I saw her hug Joe, and found my skin crawl with jealousy. I strode a little quicker.
"What's the difference—" I heard as I came up.
"Dead baby joke?" I asked. Joe was in the habit of telling dead baby jokes.
"Yeah. What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?"
Amber took a guess, mischief dancing in her eyes, "The trampoline bounces?" I liked that one.
"I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline?" that was the only one I had heard.
"I don't have a trampoline in my backyard." He said, and we laughed.
"I gotta go." Amber and I said, at the same time. She blushed, slightly, and we walked together, making fun of a little middle schooler, running behind his friend who was mounted on a bicycle. We reached the gate, and I regrettably had to go to my locker. I bid her farewell.
I walked briskly to my locker cove, passing Sarah, who called to Amber, "Hey! Retard!" They always joked around like that. Amber stopped in mid-stride and faced toward us, and even from so far away, I could see her smile, her hair again making a halo around her face, and I could have sworn I saw the faint outline of intangible wings. I blinked, and they were gone.
I put in my combination, quickly, fumbling a little from speed. I got out my science notebook and my English homework. I shut the door, and replaced the lock. As I strolled down the stairs, I saw my sister walking in front of me, but I was too lazy to catch up. Amber went running up to her, producing a piece of paper. I sauntered up.
"Look, John! She drew a picture of me!" Nicole chirped, obviously pleased.
I couldn't help myself, "Make the nose a little bigger," I commented.
Caustic, Amber volleyed back, "Quit being such an *******." She looked a little shocked at herself.
"Thank you! He needs to hear it from multiple sources." Nicole said, and they began ignoring me.
"How do you put up with him?" Amber asked Nicole. How do you put up with me?