Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

Shock horror, I've been thinking . I've been thinking about Tom and how we changed. Whenever I think about him I sum up my feelings towards him when we were still friends. I've worked it out, it's been worked out for a while. Quite simply, I loved Tom, but I wasn't IN love with him, that make sense? There are different kinds of love. I love my mum but I wouldn't sleep with my mum what a mental image, I shall have nightmares about that, anyway. It's settled, that's what I felt towards him, I loved him but I wasn't in love with him. I sometimes wonder what he felt but then I realise that I don't care. Now and then I wonder how he is or what he's doing now but then I realise that I don't care. I really do not care, it's great I've worked it out that it's been somewhere near a year, just over in face, that I started to seriously cut him out, since we stopped speaking at all. It's quite nice to think that I haven't needed Tom for a whole year, I haven't even seen him for a year. It makes me feel kind of free. There was a time that his strength gave me strength, he'd defend me and I'd try to defend him, when the occasion arose. Then we drifted apart and his weakness began to give me strength, now and then it still does, a firey determination to beat him, not just beat him but thrash him completely. So, in a way he still gives me strength but now my own determination provides the power. If I actually put some effort into it, more than I have so far, this year was pathetic. I can do better. I must do better. I know I can do it, it's just laziness stopping me now. I MUST NOT FAIL! I MUST NOT GIVE UP!! I WILL DESTROY THOMAS FLETCHER!!
Okay, I'm off now .

Bluebiird out