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so what?

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by
Anza
, 04-24-2008 at 05:09 PM (998 Views)
I cannot comprehend what is expected of me, and I cannot comprehend everyone's scorn. Am I supposed to be the Algebra student that Sunny was?
It is my shortcoming, I know. While eloquence never fails to dance on the tip of my tongue, simple math equations dance out of reach. Everyone else understands, so why not I?
Lord knows it isn't for a lack of effort. I've been seeing her after school, in the mornings, occasionally at lunch. I even get fairly comfortable with a concept... but after we move on to the next thing, I have to learn it over from scratch.
I'm the only kid in there who doesn't belong in the honors class. They get it without trying; I try without getting it.
So what's the point? Why work so hard with no result?
I did try to get out of the class. At Christmastime. I realized that I had set the bar too high-- I realized that I couldn't handle the consequences of that standard. But Mrs. Deladerauntey wouldn't allow me to leave for the regular course.
And now I am told not to pity myself-- my situation. Why are my parents so callous towards me? They let Sunny have more of a social life than me, when she's the problem child. When she (and about 27% mom) are tearing the family apart.
Should I have gone goth, and written a faux suicide note in seventh grade; become a cutter, worn dark make-up; picked up guitar instead of cello, and bought a phone without their knowledge, would I get the luxury she's sitting in now?
So she stays grounded? I'm grounded on a self-imposed basis.
So she gets yelled at? I hear it more than her, and have to be everyones shoulder to cry on.
So she's nagged? I get it twice as much over pettier subjects.

"It's good for your character."

SO WHAT?!
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Comments

  1. Anza's Avatar
    And then my mother, this afternoon, has the nerve to come into my room and pick a fight with me, accusing me of being selfish
  2. Virgil's Avatar
    Anza from what you describe your mother just doesn't know how to handle these situations. Her screaming just incites rebellion and return screaming which just generates chaos. Try not to hold it against her. She's incapable. So have a little pity for her. I'm sure she loves you. I'm sure she wants the best. You'll have to do the best you can and realize that screaming solves nothing. So try to do your best. A calm head in the midst of turmoil is worth a million dollars. But none of this excuses you from doing good in math. We all have subject we suck at. I sucked in Spanish. I just didn't get it. I persevered. I didn't get good grades but I made it through. Math is very important. You getting good grades has nothing to do with anyone else or earning accolades. It will help you in life.
  3. mtpspur's Avatar
    So what???!!! Because at the end of the day your character is who you are and what you are. "As he thinketh in his heart so is he." Proverbs 23:7. Very sorry you and your mother don't get along. I still think a quiet demeanor will pay off in the long run.

    Of course the meanest--the absolute meanest thing I ever told my son was that I hoped he had a kid his brother. Or else like himself. Oh no I forgot which remark it was. A cherished argumentive battle has slipped thru the grey cells. Darn.
  4. kiz_paws's Avatar
    Maybe your parents have high expectations from you because they know/feel that you can handle it -- you do sound like a very very intelligent person, Anza! But as for the fights, hmmmm, I think that Virgil gave some pretty good advice. And mtpspur encourages to move on quietly in your life -- I know that that is difficult to do, considering what you have told us here in your blog -- but remember, you are very smart. And you can be anything that you chose to be, just focus on that. Troubled times at home are trying, but in the big picture, they do make you stronger in the long run. Just keep on with your studies, Anza, you can do it! (I was the student who was sent to the Library to 'read a comic' simply because my ridiculous teacher made me go to the blackboard to do an algebra problem and I only got a couple of lines down, and then ... "go to the Library and get a comic, something more your speed" ... **titter titter goes the class** How degrading! Anyhooooo, hang in there!