Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

If I were better at everything, I could run the JCS next year or so.
If I were better at everything, I could get top marks in everything.
If I were better at everything, I'd be surrounded by good friends who want me to share a house with them.
However, I'm not, and I never will be.
I'll never be able to run the JCS (just because I can go to every meeting now, because I practically live next door, I could never run a society, especially as I know nothing about Japan, I've never even been and I don't speak Japanese. If I were to run it no one would ever turn up, ever, at least some people turn up now, and even if I did, my personality is not agreeable, I don't have the personality to take charge (However, maybe I could handle a vice presidency, maybe, maybe not))
I'll never get top marks in everything I do (that's just guaranteed. I don't have the head for being a swat.)
I'll never be surrounded by truly good friends (because of my personality, I just can't trust people. I trusted Tom, it took me a long time to trust him, and now I don't. So it would take me even longer to trust someone new)

Why am I thinking all of these things you ask? It's very simple.
Jo got 76 for her last essay (I got 63 for mine (that's not the Dorrit one but he other one)) I was thrilled for her, it's the first time she's got a mark that high, I really was thrilled, if a little envious, I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm happy with my 63 though, because it's the best I've done too. See me green with envy .
I need to get accommodation sorted out. I can't stay here another year, they need the space for the next lot of little first years but I can't share. I can't share because I haven't got any good friends to live with, whose habits I know and who I know would never hurt me (not in any physical way anyway, not sure about mentally) I could try and get a place alone but that would result in about £700 rent per month, not including bills, and I've never lived alone like that (having to pay bills and rent and such) it would be better if I had 2-3 friends to split costs with and to remind each other about this bill and that bill and the rent etc. But I can't.
I could share with strangers, there's various adverts "flatmate wanted" but to move in with complete strangers, I'd know nothing about them, they could be serial rapists for all I know.
However, living alone would leave me more open to crime such as that, and thieves.
Although, most women are raped by someone they know. But robberies, that doesn't matter if they know you or not.
Oh the dilemmas of the modern student.

And as for running the JCS, that's because of something our Lord and Master said . Yes, Ripton was back on Thursday, the verdict of his court case made the news, I won't say any more in case people try to kill him we joked about that. I was first to arrive and I didn't want to sit by within view of the door because anyone looking in would see this lonely idiot sitting in a room on her own. So I sat beside the door, with my feet on a chair, so as my feet could be seen, in case security tried to lock me in, and spent the whole time making paper butterflies. Then Ripton came, the Anna and then Sandra. I joined in conversations little and was little invited to converse, mainly I'm as good a furniture when I'm there (that's how I see it) I don't mind. Then Sandra asked what was happening with the JCS next year. I don't know how serious he was, probably not that serious because it's obvious what I'd say.
He said someone else could run it, someone reliable, who always comes to every meeting, I became aware of eyes upon me and looked up from my butterfly, Nope, I can only attend every meeting because I live next door, I don't eve know what I'm doing next year, if I have to travel from home then there's no way I can keep up the JCS, unless I slept on a good friend's floor, but that problem has been stated above, and if I found somewhere to live round here, whose to say I would travel every week just for the JCS, I'd have to get the bus, or learn to drive (It'd be cheaper to get the bus) unless I had a good friend to drive me, that problem has been stated above though.
Besides. Ripton's not sure what he's doing yet either, they've said if he's here in September then they might have him teaching.
But serious or not, it strengthened my belief that I could never run a society. That's why I never set up the Whovian Society for Doctor Who fans, I'd made it up as a joke but mum seems to think I could and should do it. After 20 years she still doesn't get me .
In the future I would love to write comedy and, one of my biggest dreams, an episode for Doctor Who, but I doubt I ever will. I can't see me doing will in screenwriting or stand up comedy, my main aim when I came here, before I came here even, was novels, TV and comedy are just fantasies. Besides, i can't write comedy, I'm not funny, even though I might think I am.

For yesterday's lesson Jo ad I had to do a presentation about a statue at Paddington station (I'd gotten confused the week before and went to St Pancras with mum silly me) so we went on Wednesday, just to go really ad take some pictures. We decided not to do a power point, I remember the trouble I had last time and Jo's laptop wasn't working. So Jo put together a handout, and I have to say, I thought it was great, I'd never have laid it out like she did ad if I'd done it, it would've been awful. I felt guilty about Jo doing all of that, se just seems to take the job before we started. I decided I could al least contribute to the printing cost. We were the only ones without a power point , we read out the handout basically. Near the beginning Jo got a bit tongue tied and then a bit flustered (it happens to me a lot) she was trying to say something about the station, It's.... so I just said, it's a train station. thank you Emma (for stating the obvious) and then it went practically without a hitch. Just for fun, because I was feeling brave, I did a little bow at the end of the presentation. It's further enhanced my status as an idiot but hey. If they remember anything from that presentation it'll most likely be, Paddington station is.... it's a train station .
Ironically, the guy teaching us now also teaches stand up comedy for years 2-3. When the day started though, I was really nervous about it, but I thought to myself, do what you did for that exam ()you might remember it, I blogged it a while back, where I had trouble finding an exam, then found it and everyone was sat down for it and I just thought what would Jen do? And just went and sat down perfectly normally.
It was at the time of my space pirates obsession. Jen is the name of my pirate captain. I don't mind telling you now, because I doubt I'll ever write up and finish her story.
So, when I woke up, I thought to myself, for the presentation, go with Jen, it helped you before, there's no reason it shouldn't help you now. So I did go with Jen, and it went fine .
I also felt quite pleased in skills for reading (the lesson before en. lit.) we're encouraged to get into groups and discuss a poem. There was one girl in my group (Who I think said she was from group one) who hadn't said anything in the group, and the other two were obviously friends because they were chatting now and then. With these things I try and dive in with the stating the bloody obvious option (One of the steps in my mental, self help get to talk to people more and try to get out of being an outcast, plan) and so I know how it feels to sit there quietly either silently wishing, ask me what I think, ask me, it's something good or don't ask me, I don't know anything, it's stupid please don't ask me. So, when there was a gap I turned to her and asked, what to you think? She wasn't expecting it but what she thought was actually good and she's noticed something we hadn't. I felt pleased for that.

Well, that's all I think.

Bluebiird out.