Reflections on the puddle of life

Those short lines have as much an effect on me as any of the other quite moving details in this. They struck me as being like the delicate, tentative way one might feel out a tender spot on one's body.

I felt, however, that it might be broken into more verses, as indicated below:

But I felt that the third use of "slither" was inappropriate or had become somewhat mechanical and that something like "ran" would be better instead, both for varying verb and therefore emphasizing the change from the previous stations on this journey.

And I did not understand - or feel very much about - the last line. Some readers might take it to mean that the love being spoken of has become, somehow, illicit. I did not assume that, but could have wished for something with more of an ache to it at the end.

Thanks Prince - the blog comments don't allow formatting - I'm guessing you would break it at "I press..." and "There are always..." making it 4 stanzas? I'm still inclined to keep it at two, the statement and the reflection, if you like. I've made a couple of minor changes from the original version you read. Vis-a-vis the last line, it is more that the love spoken of is gone, through the sharing of all 'secrets'; as often happens in love, once you have shared everything either it is enough, or there is nothing left to give.

I am not sure I understand this poem but oh my God I love it, this is a very strong one!

I presumed this is one the lost loves type of poetry and I enjoyed it for the quiet sorrow and sweet reveling in the lost that it protrays.

I liked how the two verses compliment each other in actual versus mulling. And the last two lines were powerful in that the thought made me think it all over a few times and I concluded that the reader could take that as they wish. My thought was that the magic of the love was lost once revealed.

I found this very well crafted too. I love the way you intertwine motifs. And the short lines of this poem really grabbed me too. You're on a hot streak of writing, Fifth!