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Several years ago Lord Irwin called and asked me if I would join him to town, he's to buy something. Of course, docile and well-tempered as I am, I agreed, in the condition that he's to pay my fare. So we went. I remember it was summer and Lord Irwin brought his printed umbrella, to my displeasure. It would be most convenient to tell you that his business in town was to buy porno for Lord Irwin is a tragic pervert. He lost his virginity, became a father and ruined his life in one single ****. Anyway, I remember he bought TarzanX, which is, what else?, a Tarzan in porno; Tarzan and Jane and positions and all. I was sure, after the inconvenience, he'd treat me a Halo-Halo in Chowking; but no, "he was to go back home directly". So we went and rode a jeepney parked in front of the town church. We occupied the seats at the farthest side of the vehicle. As I sat across his Lordship, I had this strong urge to kick his shin; my empty pockets prevented me from doing so. We waited until the vehicle was full and off we went. I was the one to drop off first and when the vehicle reached the Mercedes waiting shed I cried

"Manong, para!"

as loud as I can. The jeepney slowed down and I thought it was pulling over. So I got up and put one foot down the threshold. If God was polite he wouldn't let the driver step on the gas. I remember the jeepney jerked the life out of me and, there I was, left suspended in mid air; my luscious *** hit the ground first and next thing I know I'm lying on my back near the gutter frying over scalding asphalt. The sun is kissing me all over while a green motorcycle pulled over a few meters from me. I sat up and I heard someone cry

"Is he dead?"

so I looked back and there was the ****ing jeepney happily parked waiting for me and my demise. The passengers, including the formidable Lord Irwin, were gaping wondering, at my luck and stupidity. At last I struggled to get on my feet thinking [I]my ***, my ***[/I] and walked away embarassed like a fried tilapia.