applepie

I figured I had a bit of time to finish this tale up and explain a few things. I can't write with this preying on my mind, so I'll do this instead...

As I had said, I'm not sure Mandy will file a police report on her own. She is one of those people that needs someone to stand with her to keep her strong. Together we are unbeatable, but on her own Mandy tends to let everyone push her around. I've been that person for almost a decade, so it is a role that I've been used to for some time. If, or rather when he hits her again, I'll be the one that holds her as we go to the police station. She'll not go any other way he's made her so fearful. She's a skeloton of the girl I once knew in both a literal and figurative sense. She needs a rock to cling to now more than ever, but she has always been very strong willed on her own. This past year has broken her in a way that the rest of her life has never managed.

I don't believe that she is beyond hope. She's not so broken that she'll never recover. She just needs to get rid of this guy, and the she needs the time to heal. She will get her daughter back, and that will be the most healing thing. This more than anything has led to the changes I've noted in her. The happiness, or vibrance, that made her has disappeared.

I know a couple of you say not to feel guilt myself, but it is there all the same. The guilt is mostly that I wasn't here when she needed me the most. I know it was unavoidable, but I still feel guilty about it. I may be Mandy's rock, but she is the water surrounding me. We are a complement to one another in many ways. We're both strong though mine is bred of stubborness and hers is more the ability to change and adapt. She can always look at things from many angles and adapt her attitudes and actions accordingly. When I moved away, we were both crippled. She no longer had someone to stand next to her whenever she needed it, and I didn't have someone to force me to be lees unbending.

It caused quite a few problems for us both. I had many troubles with my marriage early on because of my own stubborness (and that of my husband to be honest). Mandy allowed her mother to railroad over her. She made her marriage miserable by insisting that she had no where else to live but with Mandy and her husband. She watched Mandy's daughter while she was at work as a way of "paying" her keep, but she never ceased to hold it over Mandy's head. She made it out as if she was owed more. She felt the house and place to live was Mandy's duty for her caring for her after Mandy's dad left. Up till then she had been a stay at home mother to all her children, and she never quite stopped blaming Mandy for her having to return to work in order to support them. All in all, her mother put to many demands on Mandy, she hated her husband and made him unwelcome in his own home, and their marriage ended little more than a year after it began. Less than a year later, her mom takes custody of Mandy's daughter since Mandy couldn't afford the house any longer and it was going into foreclosure. Mandy allowed it after she saw how happy her mom was staying home again, and after being made to feel guilty for her mom ever having to work in the first place. Anyhow, much of this wouldn't have happened had we been together.

Together we would do, and face, all of the things that we couldn't alone. Her mom never would have been able to do the things that she did had I been here to help Mandy stand firm. We had been standing together against her mom's manipulations for years, but when it mattered the most I wasn't here to help. That is why I say I failed, While it was not my fault, I did make the choice to move across the country. In doing so, I failed my dearest friend and her life has fallen into ruin.

All I can offer to her now is that I'm here again, and we will straiten things out. I've not figured out how yet. I'm limited by my need to protect my own family, but I will fix this. She is not unwilling to accept help. That isn't the issue, she's just not had anyone offer it to her. Even her own mom allows things to continue. The time to help is short, though. I've no wish to read her obituary, and she admitted to me that he choked her unconcious just a couple of weeks ago. Imagine my temper to hear that a so called friend phoned her house right after it happened, and when told that he had strangeled her, by the monster himself, she just said "oh, well I will call back later then" :flare: If I only knew who it was that did such a thing. The police should have been called then, but they were not. Now I must wait till something else horrible happens to do much myself. In the interim I'll look for way to get rid of him without endagering myself, my family, or Mandy. I'll not have her beaten again because of my suggestion to kick him out.

That's it from me for now. Sorry about the two blog rant, but this has been like a poison in my brain. It has clouded my judgement and consumed my thoughts. Things02 are a little clearer now. Unresolved, but they are not consuming my mind as much.

Much love to you all,
Meg