Reflections on the puddle of life

I think that was great.

It doesn't altogether feel finished to me, as if it deserves or had promised a more bravado conclusion, but

1) Why isn't it on the poetry forum?

2) It's a departure from your usual more formal-seeming poems.

3) Serendipitously, I got started this morning on a poem that also involves time.

4) It's a SPLENDID poem!

This is so sad... but really quite lovely. Nice work.

Thanks Becca & MotherH Prince, in response 1) because I decided not to post to the forum anymore 2) yes, possibly. I've been reading a lot of Gluck recently 3) when will you be posting yours?! and 4) thanks

Some really good lines and phrases in there Fifth. "The moon tears a path across the sky" and

In the presence of such magnificence
/I swallow stars,
/cry summer rain;
/time tears a path across the sky.

My problem is cognitive, I don't connect the imagery into a cohesive statement. I think the pool of water in the depression of the hand (another great phrase by the way) seems to throw everything off for me. But if it makes sense to you then fine, people will eventually get it.

Thanks Virgil, I have trouble with these lines too:

I hold out my palm,
watch
as it pools in the depression;

so I took them out, but then it didn't seem right without them. I think it is a poem to look at in 6 months, objectively, and then, perhaps, I might take those lines out again.

I loved the way the whole poem read, how the ending neatly catches the threads and tucks everything away. Hmmm ... does that sound right? Well, anyhow, I loved the poem and how you carefully selected those ending lines.