I'm a Diced Tomato

I finished my research on the Vietnam war yesterday! 18 pages of notes, front and back. Read the whole book. Very well-written. Neutral. Plenty of visuals. A little dated, but I've looked up more recent info on the internet. (So I guess I'm not really done, ha ha.) Now I have to start writing the report and making the visuals. It feels so great to know another thing about the world. I know about it now. I know what "Agent Orange" means, why the war happened, what the song "Four Dead in Ohio" is about.(But I did know that before I started my official research. Not too long before, though.)

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Excerpt from my personal, hand-written journal:

"[I think I have] one of the strangest, most unique lives that have ever existed, considering my circumstances. It's like a paradox. Very much a teen life and yet not...it's like I'm in a constant time warp where really wacky things happen. It's like I'm an adult trapped in a kid's body...I won't be surprised if someone in the future picks up this journal or read my online writings and makes a movie about my life. But that sounds conceited."

I write far more often in it than here. Heavy.

I wrote that when I was just laying my room. I thought of the song "In My Room" by the Beach Boys. Truly a place of peace. I love my room. It's where I feel completely secure.

I drew this:


(Not acting like in theater...acting about the world. I want to DO SOMETHING.)

What will happen in the future? There's that time warp again. From past to present to future and back to the past again. It's like I was there and I yet I wasn't. I think I read too many history books and Wikipedia articles about stuff that happened before I was born. Even walking through my 47-year-old high school gives me chills. This is all so complicated to explain. Far too complicated to explain here.

Well, here's an example:

In the year 2050, if I live to be that long, it will be 100 years since their births and they will most likely be dead and gone and I will be the same age as they were (It's weird talking about the past in a future-tense) when I first knew about them. Will I even remember? I hope so. I can't imagine forgetting being 15 and everything that has come with it. I'll be sixteen in just a few months...gosh...

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Last night I went out at 2 am to look at the stars like I love to do. Did you guys know that looking at the stars is the same thing as looking back in time? It takes times for light to travel.


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"It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah. "

Sic Transit Gloria. I can feel it fading already. It wasn't enough.

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It's really amazing how much one's art can change over just a short period of time. I was looking at my stuff from November...eeggghhhh. What's really weird is that I think I did a great job on that comissioned art, even though I did it way back in October. I think it's because it was comissioned art so I tried extra hard.