Life

This reminded me of a scene from an old show my oldest son adored called My So-Called Life in which Claire Danes has had a breakup with her new best friend and her 'growing up' best friend consoles the young lady with something along the lines of: I may not be the one you want but I'm the one you have. I know you'll feel this way for at least a year and a half (giving credit to your version of the drama queen--I once mourned a lost romance for almost two wasted years because I refused to let it go--she married another and lost that time where I could have turned into a better man. In fact oddly enough I was wondering if she was still married or not today and I had NOT thought of her probably since I blogged her several months ago. Hey I got better. So can you. With respect. Rich (And yes I think about Ben and what He thinks of you.)

Drama :p I'll let you know if it ever quits happening. Hopefully you can be happy without him and with books or maybe music. :) Just make sure you pick it with good tastes. :) It sounds difficult, though. I fell madly in love with various girls in high school, but luckily I suppose came out of it all scathed worse than I could have been. Good luck with it all. Go for music and books. ;)

Thanks, you guys. I kind of needed that.
But mtpspur, what does the thingy in parentheses mean?

Unless I'm mixing the blogs up I equate Ben yearning for you in the manner that you wish Mr. Unattainabke is.) Unrequited love is a peculiarly painful form of torture.

I know that. But you cannot force someone to love you. I would like to be able to love Ben, and let go of John, but I've fought so hard. The heart is so much stronger than the mind. I know I torture him, but I don't mean to. Ben is still my friend. Don't think I haven't thought about the thousands of nails I've driven into his heart, and I would choose it another way. But my heart belongs to John, sadly. I know that Ben is in the same boat as I am in, and we're both sinking fast. What an impasse!

There will be this one wonderful moment where somebody loves you completely for who you are and it will feel ridiculous because you won't have to work for that love at all. It's more amazing than lust and yearning for somebody who won't accept for yourself.

I know you mean well by Ben or you would never have been so open about it. You are right you cannot force love that is not there and your awareness of it will be your salvation--some never arrive at it. I won't cheapen your affections/love for John by saying get over it but I would encourage you that time and life go on and the heart can find room for another and THAT wil be special on its own merits. Hope this helps. Again with respect and I hope for not a moment you thought I was not taking you seriously as I read over my note to you and I think it came acrsoos as a bit too blunt and by what I read of you you deseerve respect for your feelimgs and beliefs. Rich