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As a AAA dispatcher my main loyalty is to paying members. Non-member relatives such as the spouse--both she and he-male; sons/daughters, GRANDCHILDREN who think nothing of waking the almost out of here generation up but would be very concerned if the immediate dad or mom knew where they had been four-wheeling and know-it-all boyfreinds of young college girls all of whom I have a bit of disdain and out of the reach of the microphone are usually refered to by me as the parasites.

Most members think they have unlimited service calls and we are more then ready to tow anytime, anywhere for anyone. Our club (and most AAA clubs) give four service calls a year and in winter you might want to hang on to them as needed rather then get little Mikey's tire changed because he's too lazy to do it himself. (NOTE: I plead guilty--those lugs are a pain and I hide behind the advancing years.)

Over the 16 years I have clock-watched to the point where at any time of the night I can tell you precisely how many minutes are left on the shift (don't look at me that way--it's boredom not burnout) I have seen roadside towing become a convenience tow rather the a true EMERGENCY tow. With the price of fuel going up it has not been uncommon for a member to have a hundred mile tow based on the feeling that something is wrong with the car. Proof being when it arrives at the home mind you and not a repair place the member tries to start it and Ma Ma a miracle the rust bucket works--it just needed that rest. Thanks very much driver take a tip and no you don't have to share with the dispatcher. Drivers never share the tips but they use to bring us food until management banned them from the call center. We were getting too friendly with them. Hey I never dated a driver and ran off to Buffalo NY on a tow then had a fight next week and not dispatch to them in retaliation. Short version of a true story.

Another convenience tow is to move a car from the street to a driveway. This used to puzzle me until it was pointed out the license plates were expired and the owner was trying to avoid a parking ticket and didn't have money to renew the plates or fix the junker.

A few years back AAA decides to take on some outside programs to bring more money into the operation. We are a not for profit organization but that doesn't mean the contracting tow companies are. We have Sprint, VW, BMW, Enterprise rental and Hertz.

Hertz has one rule. Do what we say and change nothing without ASKING us. One time they sent a call for a car to be towed and lo and behold my driver got it successfully jump started. I log the call out and feel all is well with the world. The renter won't have to bother about waiting for or going to get the replacement car.

The next day I'm being seriously grilled by the oh so charming but fearsome Tami as to why I didn't inform Hertz about the jump. My protest that the Hertz member was happy and if they wanted to know that badly they can call or access the computer on their end. In fact jumping the car saved them some money. The other programs have learned to give us some leeway. Not Hertz they want their finger on the pulse. I sense a doctor-nurse mentality going on here. This sort of micromanagement got me hollered at to the point where I examine very carefully each Hertz call that comes in looking for ways to ensure proper fulfillment of their instructions or a loophole I can use to make them look petty or better--stupid.

Last week my chance came. Now in fairness this call was Tonya's problem but we chatted about it a bit before she went to work on it and I had only one contribution to the little manner of a missing rental car.

It appeared that approximately four weeks ago Audrey X rented a Hertz car for a week. Audrey being the kind trusting soul that she is loaned said rental car (under her name all this time I might add) to her shining star and true blue star crossed soul-mate named Justin. Justin is a fine young man with a great sense of his responsibility for maintaining the creditability and reputation of his dear Audrey and his awesome care of the faith and trust she put in him to do her proud.

Basically he'ld been driving the car for the last three weeks AFTER her rental agreement was up.

I asked partner Bob about that him being an ex-police officer. Where I envisioned auto theft charges and gone in 60 seconds drama he said it would be more in the line of misappropriating a service. Semantics. A thief is a thief is a thief.

Stupid one too. Justin locked the keys in the car in (and this is most true and fitting for this website) the parking lot of BOOKS AND COMPANY. I began to sense a blog entry in my future based on that tidbit alone.

We shall at least credit Justin with not breaking a window or scratching the paint up with a coat hanger. He calls Audrey. Audrey calls Hertz. Hertz calls us.

Now me if I was at Hertz I would have put pedal to metal, grabbed a key and an associate and gone to go get the car and let Justin fend for himself. In my fantasy I would have called Dayton police to come along with handcuffs and for a good time but it is an election year coming up.

What does Hertz do? They ask us to one--tow the car to the office at the Dayton airport.

AND--

Bring Justin along so he can get another rental.

I add a note to my file on the continuing problem of stealing food from taxi driver's mouths on a regular basis. It gets better. We are not to be confrontational about it.

Even though I claim to a quiet shy retiring type I want a ringside seat for this performance. Tonya and I are mulling over the use of the confrontation word. Spelled right too. Is there maybe a domestic thing going on? Besides where's my lockout ticket to open the vehicle to put car in gear. Got them. While Tonya is on the phone to Hertz asking about the c. word and its hidden meaning I get a call myself FROM Hertz about dear Justin.

The usual nonsense about how he has a life to waste and we are keeping him from it and how long will we be. I put out my well used polish and professional mannerisim to work and declaim that we are studying it out as we speak having just got the demand five minutes ago and by the by do you know the doors are locked??!! Oh my--sorry-- to give credit where due--a ticket is provided inside of two minutes.

By this time Tonya has the story of the three week roadtrip and asssurances that Justin will behave. So we are on the same page at last.

We are in the repo business--as I have suspected for years we have degenerated down to.

The driver arrives at Books and Company in about 20 minutes. Justin puts his best bluster on about the car being taken and too bad for him--my driver doesn't scare. Justin was hoping to get the car unlocked and he would then extend his joyrides for who knows how long. Nothing doing. We are here for the car--want to ride along or not??

No. Can I, slightly civil, get my gear out of the car?? At this point Tonya was gone on a smoke break and I have the pilot seat. Partner Bob was hoping I would deny access--purely for the joy of annoying Justin but I like my driver and saw no real point in making life more miserable for my driver having to deal with Mr. Charming.

We let him have his gear. He loses interest in going to the airport and hops in a buddy's car (who just happened to be waiting nearby.)

Wishes my driver and Hertz well I hasten to assure you most vociferously as he departs.

Audrey is struck with the bill. I suppose she could argue with Hertz about the three week charge but then there's that pesky misappropriation of services again.

And so it goes.