NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED: Tales of Crazy Possession and Lethal Obsession

It's been quite a long time since I last posted in this blog (notice that I say this every single time ) and I don't think I will be able to post regularly anymore. Anyway, do feel free to visit my LiveJournal but please do not fret if you see it empty; as you see I am still in a state of fixing things up and for some reason (loads of homework, grades that need to be pulled up, and things of the sort) I can't seem to find time to complete anything at all. All I am hoping for now is to be able to quit procrastinating and that will be everything I should ever ask for.

It struck me earlier ago that blogs seem to get more views that the forums threads themselves, so I decided to put in the first of my poems to ever be posted (by me) in litnet. You may post your comments in the My First Poem on Litnet thread, where this poem was originally posted. I suggest that you visit the thread first before posting your comments in my blog—or better yet, reply to the thread itself.

Bear in mind, though, that this poem was written by me, therefore its rights belong to me. I owe my trust to this forums and to its members as well—also to this blog's random viewers, whether registered users or not, in case there happen to be any. Assuming that this has been understood, I expect everything to be fine, and that no one is tempted to violate any rules.

Best wishes, dear readers.

Catharsis X*
“Lethal Obsession”

Do you see me
And do you understand

me, the way I have yet to
understand
you.

No. For you have never felt

me, and had you ever come to
know... of those

Restless nights I spend

swiftly running
my eyes
over

Obituaries,

all these
I can only desperately
atrribute to
you.

Never would

my heart be
obliged to beat
in this utterly
intricate matter,
running a marathon
against itself...
neither would

I hunger

for
your name
resonating
down chasms
of enormous wealth
where diamonds sparkle
glistening by the
threadlike rays of light
cast by the
moon,
seeping through the crevice
hovering above the abyss
in which I am trapped
in a state of gradual death.

Everything is senseless, yet

what does make sense with
me feeling this way...
you take claim over everything...
you are my universe, and
around you
are my stars
swirling in a vast expanse
of glitter
before
my dazzled eyes...
(yes,
light
is what
you've
gained
from
me
and
light
is what
I
lose...)

Can't you see the way

I'm burning
Out, out,
Like a candle barely surviving
the night;
the way I want to know you
while knowing you the way I do,
the way I want to hold you
while holding the truth that I'm off limits beside you,
the way I want to kiss you
while kissing these desperate thoughts adieu.

Anarchistic thoughts wriggle in the spaces of my brain

and bore holes in what has been filled
with thoughts far more rational
than the thought containing you
Your shadow is a dream come true.
I crave too much, my longings are far from thinkable
Still I never truly wanted you to know
and in spite of everything, I reckon you do
though I've always wondered how indifferent
you were truly
in the way you appeared to be indifferent to it.
For in the space between
you and me
exists some room for doubt.

Songs will be sung,

yet they will never be enough
For I will never hear you.
Though your voice relentlessly pounds into my ears
I will never hear you.
Negligible are the notes of flowing sweetness
veiled beneath coarseness of tone.
Sounds are heard and forever lost
Trapped in the dungeon of void
Captured and shackled with iron chains
Never to be freed again
no, 'tis not the way
I wish to lose you.

Invincible is the truth, though bitter,

the truth I must learn to bear,
that you will never come to stay with me
forevermore,
for since when have you ever been here?

And in our lives that mutually touch,

vulnerable to existence
and submitting to change
nevertheless refusing to change
the way they truly might or should,
we are together,
fused in silence,
though never aware;
Two glaciers, melting
in the presence of one another,
yet never for each other.
Transformed into bodies of water,
we run,
down the slopes where our paths first crossed.
I settle in a basin, too large, too deep,
where my surface finds its rest,
yet in my depths I feel the pressure,
inside, I bubble and churn,
knowing you are here,
never too far
but too shallow to know
the manner in which you dwell in me.
I am the ocean.
You are the sea.
I will die remembering
you.

©acg2007

*The title is tentative... feel free to post your suggestions in case you have any!