View RSS Feed

applepie

Gains and losses

Rate this Entry
5 Comments
by
applepie
, 10-22-2007 at 02:51 AM (1021 Views)
I generally think that life moves in cycles. Maybe I'm too much of an optimist, but when bad things happen I always believe something good is coming, and I'm always looking for the bad with the good. More often than not this seems to hold true...

This evening I found out that my best friend has strayed down a path that I can't pull her back from. I may have blogged about her before, but the short version is that she got into financial trouble and then she surrendered custody of her daughter to her mom. She was also getting in with a couple of guys, and one had just been released from prison for shooting up his girlfriend's house. Basically her life is on self destruct. She's lost her house, her husband, her daughter, and now I find that she is in trouble with the law. I've not heard from her in many months, but I knew things were bad the last time that we spoke. I don't know the specifics of the charges, but I do know that they are drug related. This is the main reason I've not heard from her, and I don't really expect I ever will. It breaks my heart to know that things have changed so much. Our friendship was the only one which had lasted through my marrying and having children. She is someone who I love very dearly, and now I'm sad that I must say goodbye without ever having the chance to speak to her again. The fiber of my being yells at me to try and pull her back from the dark place she is going, but I can't risk my own family to do it. I can't express the guilt I feel that I was not there to lend support when she needed it most, and now when I'll be there, there is nothing that I can do for her anymore. I only hope that one day our paths will stray closer again. Maybe then things will be different, and maybe we can recapture some of what is lost. I'll never quit calling her friend, and I'll never stop loving and worrying. I can just pray that things will change, and then I'll be able to welcome her into my life rather than seeing her presence as something to guard my children from.

As I've said, I feel life is a circle, and old is exchanged for new. I've come to discover that I am starting to make what I consider friends her at LitNet. I've always known that it was a lovely community, but friendship and affection were not things that I really expected. It has been a pleasant surprise to find that there are people here whom I've grown attatched to and whom I sincerely consider friends. I'm not antisocial, but I've had trouble finding people with whom I can relate. I've always had issues finding people who did not think I was strange. I was actually told that I needed to "dumb down" my vocabulary the other day because I could not be understood when I spoke. I don't think it is strange to spend much of your free time reading, and neither do many of you. I think many of us have found that, for whatever reason, this is considered abnormal. This, combined with the somewhat transient population here, has made me weary of trying to form any real relationships with others. I was resigned to my solitude, and then I started to visit here again. I joined 2 years ago, but it's only been the last several months that I've been able to visit regularly.

The real point I'm getting at is that I want to thank the people here for saving me... your caring and support has been a comfort which I've been blessed with. The news I recieved tonight didn't break me as I feared it might, and I have all of you to thank for that. I may have to give up one friendship, but I like to think that there will be ones to replace it. You've all helped to provide me with hope and solace. I no longer feel as if I'm basically alone.

Meg
Categories

Comments

  1. mtpspur's Avatar
    Based on my terribly handled problem with Melissa I tend to agree on your stand of protecting the kids first when drugs are involved. Some people start down a path and the gravity speeds them along. I believe in the grace and mercy of God very much but I also believe he works in v-e-r-y mysterious ways. Son Jim will forever regret signing his custody away in a weak moment. I think I still resent his not at least telling Ruth about the problem. When he most could have used our support he stood alone and has lost his son in so many ways he'll never get back. I will never take a grand-child away legally. That's not help that's buying the kid. Sorry sore subject.

    I echo your sentiments on the transient society here on Litnet (and was grumbling to Logos about it as a manner of fact) beginning to see the patterns here that makes church fellowshiping a trial rather then a blessing but the fault there starts with me I believe.

    I consider you a friend (in so far as it goes on a computer) that I delight to see grow and get excited aboout life and family. I'm convinced your husband is enlisted--you two seem to have that sort of can-do it despite the odds without the preening of an officer with a hint of entitlement.

    Hope this helps because you've helped me more then you realize. I periodically despair of comments/PMs here and worry about accidental stalking or the perception therein (Logos notwithstanding mind you) and I feel comfortable with many of you here. So I think I'll be here until the lawnmower of doom finally wins or a tow driver/AAA member brings on that heart attack. Added note--my paragaphs breaks wouldn't post even after adding a blank line. My computer annoys me. Probably because I call it Fred.
  2. Virgil's Avatar
    Good God, anyone that has a history of doing violence to women or children should be avoided like the plague. I'm referring to that fellow your friend is/was involved with. I don't know that whatever effort you do will have any impact on her. But my conscience would want me to try. At some point you'll have to give up and say, she's a grown person and understands the risks. I don't know if you've reached that point yet.
  3. littlewing53's Avatar
    i agree meg...there's always hope in tomorrow...beautiful post...lw
  4. Captain Pike's Avatar
    "Ahh... books are for geeks!", I overheard someone say at the video store. Why do we need books when we've got such huge TVs? I think that the size of the TV screen is inversely proportional to the possibility that someone is interesting. That's pretty arrogant, I guess. But, something has happened to us. Just like the possible demise of your good friend; we seem to be powerless over what seems like a lemming-esque mad dash to hell in a hand basket.

    But you and your books will be the only entertainment around After the Grand Blue Spark comes, annihilating all computers and electronics.
  5. applepie's Avatar
    :lol: I think I might miss my electronics, but I'm not sure I could live without my books. If all my entertainement were taken away, but I was left with books, I would be content.