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Saturday night at 8 pm at AAA and Ruth calls to ask me a question.

"Guess where we're going?"

"The mall?"

"No."

Can't be Sandy's for a makeover that's scheduled for Tuesday. Wait I know--

"The movies?" Wondering what they might be watching--nothing on lately I've wanted to see and Indiana Jones is next year yet alone Aliens vs. Predator II that's being worked on.

"No."

I rattle off two or three restaurants the long suffering one might be able to afford by now if I've calculated how much money she has left yet alone the monthly dip back into the credit cards quota.

"No" to each choice as my taste buds relax from anticipated jealousy that they're eating better then I've been the past few days.

"I give up."

Now I really SHOULD have seen this coming as I even cracked a joke about it BEFORE Patty arrived.

"We're going to Indiana to see Amy." The other member of the renegade Paula White websters. Ruth had actually visited her about a year back all in one day but Amy has never graced our presence in return. About a 90 mile drive as I recall. Lebanon, Indiana.

I'm momentarily thrown for a loop. Oh no Heckle and Jeckle with special guest star Yakky Duck all together for the first time. Youtube could make a killing with these videos. But then I realize I have the house to myself and I can p-l-a-y!!!

Don't get excited Logos.

My partner Bob has loaned me a copy of Clint Eastwood's Heartbreak Ridge (one of his films that fell thru the cracks and even though it's from 1986 I never saw it). The tape had been in my library the past couple of nights because I was reasonablly sure the language would offend Patty (if she ever came out of Ruth's room) so Saturday night is taken up with watching that and snacking on peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches. It's a very last resort when I cook. I can--just choose not to. We call it laziness. Come to think of it everyone else I know calls it that too.

So three ladies with very wide ranges of spiritual maturity will be bonding and I hope for the best and go about my business. Ruth calls at 11 pm to announce the safe arrival (I'm still at work) and that tuna fish is waiting for me. At 12:20 am upon ariving home I'm gagging up a storm and flushing said tuna down the drain as it's literally soaking in what I suspect is melted mayonnaise. (I use only a touch mayonnaise to know it's there--too much and the taste buds go on a starvation diet.) In their hurry to leave Ruth let Patty made my supper. Thus the PB and jelly substitute. I grump that Ruth should certainly know by now what my reaction to a toxic waste supper would be and I love the cats too much to even try it on them and don't hate the dogs enough to punish them. She's in the middle of a gabfest and I hang up. Finish dry heaving and try to imagine Chicken of the Sea when the mermaid was unspoiled and what other novelties Texans eat.

Sunday comes and go. They return around 5:30 pm--much earlier then I anticipated. Mind you I'm still on second shift all week. They had fun and that was about it. I spend my time back and forth from my library to the bedroom reading this and that. Not knowing the cracks in the visit are about to start up. Patty is starting to get homesick and calling around to see where husband James might be hiding or who with. Not too much drama and she catches him at nothing as far as I can determine but wayward husbands are still a subject to dealt with.

Me.

It seems that Patty is concerned with me being in the house while Ruth is at school Monday/Wednesday in the mornings. She believes I may be tempted by the availability of her plus she was raised that it was unseemly for unmarried people of the opposite sex to be alone together.

While being very aware of the weakness of my flesh I can assure you Patty would be far far down on the list that would ultimately lead Ruth to having a backyard bonfire with my Batman and Avengers comics as a result of my stupidity.

I point out to Ruth that this is just a wee bit rude on our guest's part and surely she knew Ruth has a husband who actually spends time in the house living there right? I'm more amused then irritated but there is just a faint trace of annoyance. Bad enough she barely says hello when I come home from work yet alone ask if I want the computer. Should have told them I have a Myspace account because I always get a blank stare at mentioning people on Litnet. I know I know all men are animals. In fairness to her in her living environment back home there has been an incident or two. So she has a slight but very real fear of men. I remind Ruth that very few women think of me as a 'Man" man just that funny old guy (who drools).

So Monday I arise reasonably early, clean up and leave and go embezzle money from my son leaving me to meet the $20 thief from a few blogs back and consider women as the bane of my existance. This is done out of consideration for the proper care of a guest and to show her that I trust her alone in the house. (Note: Had her hubby been there--no way would he have been out of my sight-have heard just a bit too much about him and his habits--I still have a few mags or two that could get chump change on the collector's market.)

Monday evening I come home and there is a distinct chill in the air. The magpies have at last turned on each other and the harpy claws are being filed. Ruth is making my supper and body language and tone (normally reserved for no marriage benefits tonight you swine) are in full bloom. Patty is on the couch watching Touched by an Angel DVD from Season One and I notice they are NOT talking to each other. I pretend to look for blood on Patty's fingernails but this makes her visibly upset and I retreat, I have totally been unable to get this lady to laugh at anything I say or do. She finally gets up and hugs Ruth and apologizes and goes back to the computer room.

I then enquire on what's up. Earlier Patty had mentioned the pet odors in our continuing but losing battle to keep a rug cleaned were bothering her. The last thing I do when I leave this place will either pay to get the rug replaced or give the landlord equivalent cash for the job--it needs it. Patty also wanted to burn incense and candles to mask the smell and Ruth (who had actually done a great job cleaning the house before Patty's arrival) was offended by her remarks and had been sulking before my timed arrival. Like I say we're not neat freaks but not out and out derelicts either--just we don't entertain very often at all.

Oh well there is only one more meaningful contact I have with Patty on Wednesday as to all intents and purposes we don't see each other anymore.

Tuesday the ladies go visit my daughter to get their hair cut. Sandy always cuts Ruth's hair too short and I call her Dave for a week or two. (Dave is her brother who is rarely discussed.) While there little almost two year old Ron locks all three ladies out of the apartment and they can hear him laughing away. The Wilmington police department are called and they are unable to open the door. Son-in-law Mike finally gets called home to do the rescue work and a good laugh is had by all. I've told Sandy any number of time (with Mike echoing) always have keys on you when you step outside.

Wednesday I again leave the house early and come that night to a repentant Patty who apologizes for my being alive and being a male (which is what the problem amounts to) and forgiveness is rendered. She is after all childlike in so many ways and I still think she gave my wife a great honor in coming out of her shell to visit. She shows me a scrapbook she has made of the visit and it's actually quite good. She has a talent for this sort of thing. The pictures are captioned with funny sayings and show imagination. Guess she had a good time after all.

Thursday arrives and the ladies depart for the bus station. There is no attempt made to wake me and say farewell but I feel no chip being disturbed from my shoulder. She is what she is. A flower slowly coming alive in the sun waiting for a better time.

Ruth admiits she had a wonderful time up until the last couple of days when Patty went to work on the computer--she posts to Youtube and was working on the scrapbook plus I suspect both of them had esteem issues about the other. Ruth felt she was walking on eggshells. I'm more grateful that Brandy and I let it out and get it settled much more rapidly. The friendship should grow but progress will be slow I suspect. Patty I believe is afraid of life and rejection. Thinks everyone looks down on her for her weight and appearance. She has taken classes to be a travel agent and I curse a teacher who can take her money and not at least bring up eye contact between agent and customer as a must.

Definitely adding her to the mental prayer list revolving aorund the brain cells. I prefer the Holy Spirit bringing people to mind then going down a list--with my mentality it quickly devolves to formalism.

NEXT: Not really sure but it's great to have the computer back and watching for all those Logos PMs that get lost in cyberspace. The Geek Squad people are working on retrieval or so they say-any time now--please pay promptly.