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It's been awhile since my drivers have gotten themselves into trouble but when they do they add to the sterotype of being a few bricks short in the brain cell area.

Right now there are two drivers who are no longer employed. One is someone I know personally and he actually gave me a battery boost a couple months back and was always nagging me for more tows. At 11:45 pm I'm more then willing to give a call to someone begging for it then spend time hunting around so I can get out at midnight. He messed up big time but I'm actually embarassed at his foolishness. Short version--he ran his mouth off to the police (trying to get out of a ticket) and became a guest for three days of the city. We'll leave it at that.

The one I really want to discuss is a driver I have spoken to on the phone but had no particular relationship with.

Now of the 40-50 drivers I have dealings with on my shift I can name three of them who are volunteer firemen and a credit to the profession. Sometimes I think they like fighting fires better then changing tires but there is only so much excitement in the world don't you know.

So remember we are talking about a driver who should know something about the nature of fires and how it goes. Based on what's to come he sure wasn't in administration because he acted like operations. Explanation to follow.

He had recently bought a house in Dayton. Most housing in Dayton can be had quite easily but the remodeling and upgrading the living condition is what kills you and he quickly discovered he had a white elephant on his hand that was well on the way of eating up what money he had left over in repairs and upkeep.

But wait - if by some poor misfortune and terrible twist of Fate (we dare not credit this as an Act of God) it occured to him that insurance companies have very deep pockets and are more then willing to pay a claim promptly, fully and above expectations in the event of a disastrous fire that sadly burnt said house to the ground. Why yes I believe the GEICO gecko can talk I really do. And claimnants don't lie--even despite what House MD thinks. He's fiction after all.

Now it does take some problem solving skills to tow cars properly and install batteries and what not and get cars out of lakes from time to time so my first thought was the old sleeping in bed with a cigarette ploy.

Nah not enough money given in sympathy for that stroke of bad habit living. Our genius pours accelerant on the living room chair and proceeds to watch the magic happen.

A fireman who forgets hot air and flames rise. That accelerant is liquid and soaks THROUGH the chair unto a rug that absorbs the product. A fireman who depended on his status as a firefighter to escape the investigation or have it smoothed over. (This would be the operations mode of thought.)

Too bad for him that Fire Department personnel have the administrative mode of thought. They LOVE to know WHY a fire took place. Especially to a fellow brother in arms.

D-u-h-h-!!! And to think I liked this fellow.

Gets better. In court he pleads a wife and children to support.

Took no time at all for the prosecutor to determine he is a SINGLE guy. I am NOT one who thinks police/fire/court pesonnel are stupid--just Children Services personnel and they are handicapped by only being allowed to see PIECES of the many puzzles presented with most pieces being taken out of the box but that's another gripe.

A plea bargain got him 6 months jail instead of 8 YEARS. When he gets out he still owes the house/property bank loan but that probably won't be a problem much longer for him.