applepie

My in-laws will be here tomorrow. I know the title sounds foreboding, but the truth is, I'm looking foward to it. I've not seen them since before I was pregnant with Victoria, and they've yet to ever see their grandbaby. I had so many things that I was planning to do to my house for cleaning. I need to sweep and mop the kitchen, vaccume furniture and baseboards, and quite a few other things. The truth is, I don't feel like doing any of it. The good news is that my mother and father in-law will not care one way or another. It isn't like when my parents visit, and I feel as if the entire house must be immaculate. I'll clean the bathroom and load the dishwasher before bed, and that is all I'm really compelled to do.

I've finally hit a wall. I've crammed my life to overfilling, and this coming visit has just proven this fact to me. I am too tired to even clean my house properly, and that is a rarity for me. I'm pulled in so many directions that I need to cut something out or I'll never be able to rest. I'll not give up LitNet, because this is my relaxation time. I'll also not give up writing for the same reason. I'm slowly working down my list of crafts, and when they are cleared out I'm determined to keep them at a manageable level. At last count I had some 15 different crafts to do, and some will be completed multiple times to give as gifts. When I've whittled through the list I'm taking a break. The sad truth is that the only three that are really important to me are the placemats for my aunt and uncle, my daughter's quilt, and a shirt I promised my son I would embroider a zebra on. I can't find the shirt, though, so I may need to buy a new one. The gift for my aunt and uncle is so important because they are the best in my family. They are kind and loving, and they always open their house if I wish to visit. I am looking foward to being able to take my kids to visit and introducing them to my husband. I know some quilted placemats are a small gift in light of the fact that their house, and all their possessions, burned. It is all I can afford to give, however, and it is very important to me that I complete them.

I've digressed, but the point is that I'm not able to keep up with the grueling amount of tasks I've set for myself. I can't do all I wish, and it is time that I admit that I'm overwhelmed through my own machinations. I keep thinking that I have that interview on Monday, and if I can get a position with the company I'll be moving very soon. Most of the stuff I've planned to do will have to be forgotten in lieu of moving and starting to work full time instead of only part time on the weekends. Much of my stress will be relieved as well. The hubby and I admitted that me leaving soon may be the best thing. At least then we will no longer be worrying over when I'll leave, and we'll also be looking more seriously at purchasing a home. I know that is stressful on its own, but I think when we have completed that well be much more carefree. All we'll worry over is the hubby getting a job, and we'll be settled. The separation seems more trivial each day. I guess that 9 months or more is a long time, but in context to what we've endured with the military it isn't really too bad. I remember an 18 month stretch where he was not home for more than 8 weeks at any given time. This also included a 6 month deployment in the time, but he still spent about 14 out of the 18 months gone. 9 Months seems like child's play after that.

On a personal sidenote, Is it wrong to be excited that I may leave early???? It isn't that I wan't to divide my family, but I am really excited by the idea of getting a position with this company. It seems to be an exceptional opportunity, and I can't contain how thrilled I am. I remember, before kids and even marriage, I had a drive for sucess. I always wanted to do something that people would remember me for, and maybe it is this desire coming out again. Even if no one knows the name of who created a marketing plan, they know the advertisements. Look at all that has been done for breast cancer awareness. I don't know who developed the advertising, but I would love to shake their hand and pick their brain. The campaign is ingeneous, and it includes so many different things you can't help but be touched by it. I would love to be that person, and I find my old desire for advancement and sucess being reawakened. I only hope that I don't become so selfish that I'll sacrifice even my family to further my career. I don't think I'm like that, but I worry that I'll become so wrapped up in working that I'll forget what is most important in my life...

I'm off for the night. I've spent much longer here than I planned, but I'm afraid that my thoughts are a little worried and morose at the moment. I don't want to ruin what I have just because of some old dream of mine, and now I must admit that I'm not supermom/wife. Even I must sleep sometime, and I can't do it all. It makes me worry that I'll fail in the future because I can't handle all I've set myself to do.

Take Care,
Meg