Om

Suicide is at worst, a crime you commit against God, nature, your family, and your town. At best, it's skipping out. If you want to be a martyr, then you become a hated exile. Indeed, what makes anyone so martyr? Anyone who has said they do something in protest is labeled as mentally ill, while the true mentally ill, and those of emotional development of 5-year-olds, are leading our countries into decline.

Life and death, death and life. It is our duty, our obligation, to support and sustain the society which gave us life. No? The humanity. The tree creates and grows the leaves, and the leaves in turn nourish the tree, converting sunlight, air, and sap into the life force of the tree. But it is the nature of the leaf to break off and fall away. So why do we attach so much stigma to this breaking off, why do we place so much of our own 'ownership' on the leaf?

If nothing else, we say that we have the ultimate knowledge of when other people should live and should die. Beyond a certain point, we should let go of the leaf. At a certain point, our "love" for the leaf turns into a desire to turn it away from its path by any means, for its own interest of course, but really only for ours, and it's quite sad we'll use any means to do this.

Not trying to advocate leaves falling off trees, really. It's just that I am torn between different things right now. The Puritans were wonderful. All that work-ethic, that is just great. Then later the industrial revolution came, and people started losing limbs in factories, and factory owners didn't care because they had dollar signs in their eyes, and human beings became cogs in a machine. That's not the end of my entry, either, though.

You're not allowed to be different, you're not allowed to be yourself. You're not allowed to be counter-culture! The moment words come out of your mouth, no one can hear you, because they can't even ******* think! It just turns into a shouting match, a hating match, and eventually, a shooting match. Do we live in *** Argentina? Maybe my fate is to die in a shoot-out with guerillas.

I am torn. They say: get a job, get a car, get a house, get money, and party. They say be productive! But, and I am not the only one, I would rather starve for what I believe in. You here, reading this, would be one of very few who would ever know, thanks to the fact that we live in such a news-controlled nation. Ever heard of Malachi Richtser? Case in point.

Does it mean I am depressed? Does it mean I am unstable? Do I need to see a psychologist? I am a psychologist! Others' theories, I tear them to shreds. Only an honest psychologist would put themselves into the place of someone they are trying to understand, and if I died there would be no honest psychologists in the world. Maybe 10. Something that's lacking in today's world? Sincerity and non-un-empathy...

3. "He abused me, mistreated me, defeated me, robbed me."
Harboring such thoughts keeps hatred alive.

4. "He abused me, mistreated me, defeated me, robbed me."
Releasing such thoughts banishes hatred for all time.

(the Buddha)

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our mind.
Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
Yes, some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.
Won't you help to sing
Dese songs of freedom? -
'Cause all I ever had:
Redemption songs -
All I ever had:
Redemption songs:
These songs of freedom,
Songs of freedom."

(Marley)

Does it matter if I pray? Does it matter that the revered saints of Christianity followed this path, that I am following theirs? Of Anthony and Benedict? Why do people turn their backs on what's before them?

Is it a fault, is it flaw I feel this way? A flaw because it is misguided? A flaw because I'm subjective, instead of objective? A flaw because "it ain't wise to idealize or put your life in the cause of any struggle"?

Please don't give me any advice, or any of your answers. If you wanna share your opinion, that's fine, but please, certainly, don't tell me what to do.