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I noticed some of us here in blogland have made a confession recently. Well, I have one of my own. I think the Weekly World News is quite possibly the world's best "newspaper". Truly, and I will tell you why.

Is it a tabloid? To call it a tabloid is to give it too much credit and yet somehow not enough. WWN falls somewhere between sheer idiocy, brilliance and the substance commonly known as toilet paper. What I mean is this--WWN is not a boring "what celebrity gained 10 pounds and which one cheated on his or her spouse" supermarket tabloid. Really, who gives a rat's um, bottom about that nonsense? Nor is it really anything you could honestly qualify as a newspaper, despite the fact that it says news in it's title. A newspaper is something like The New York Times.

So, I have established in my mind what the WWN isn't. Let me try to establish what it is. For 89 cents American you get a laugh and you get to wonder about the sanity of the publisher. Silly fun, that is what WWN is and that makes it a great deal in my book.

Well, I have written enough of what I think about the WWN...here are some stories culled from it. YOU be the judge....

Mildew Communicates with Untidy Tenant
By Michael Rovin January 21, 2007



PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- Early last Thursday, thirty year-old Robert Malcolm discovered something eerie caked on his shower wall.

"It was mildew," he said. "Not unusual for my shower, I guess; but it seemed to spell out 'have a good day.' I thought 'what an amazing coincidence,' and I decided to take a picture when I got home from work."

But Malcolm found another moldy note waiting for him when he returned.

"This time it was, 'Hope work went well,' and there was a smiley face below the words," said Malcolm. "The mildew in my apartment was definitely trying to communicate with me."

The apparition has vindicated Malcolm's cleaning habits.

"The stain is alive, and sentient, and obviously grateful I haven't tried to kill it. I think it's developing a bond with me."

Visitors still recoil at the sight of the chatty fungal buildup, but Malcolm still has no intention of scrubbing it away.

"It's nice to have someone to come home to," he said. "I hate to say it, but this mildew's really grown on me."





Swiss Five O' Clock Shadow Appears at Exactly Five O' Clock
By Bob Michael December 26, 2006



BIENNE, Switzerland -- Here in the world's watchmaking capital, five o'clock shadow appears on men's faces at precisely five o'clock, according to a new study by the Swiss Health Council.

"It's nothing new in this country," said Dr. Pascal Schmid, who has reviewed centuries of Swiss medical literature.

Dr. Schmid traces the timely stubble to Geneva in the 1500s, when the unfamiliar din of clocktower bells literally scared the hair out of men's faces during working hours.

In more recent years, the depilatory effects of glow-in-the-dark radium dial paint spread for miles around timepiece factories.

"At closing time, workers sealed the paint away in sturdy cabinets, and facial hair was free to grow again," Dr. Schmid explained.

Nowadays, exposure to the pulsing electric fields from Switzerland's countless modern watches affects the release of human epidermal growth factor -- a protein controlling hair length.

"Until recently, none of this was thought to cause any wider genetic mutations," Schmid said. "However, we're looking at evidence that quartz and radium exposure may have affected the Swiss gene pool."

"We're seeing a lot of babies born with asymmetrical limbs in this country--usually a little hand and a big hand," he said.





Tofu Mutilations Blamed on Aliens from Vega
By Bob Michael December 4, 2006


NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. -- Larry Weald returned home yesterday to a scene of chaos in his refrigerator.

"It was as if someone had taken a scalpel to the takeout box," Weald said of his mutilated order of steamed tofu. Neighboring containers of soy sauce and low-calorie dressing were unharassed.

Police investigation of the refrigerator uncovered heightened levels of radiation. "My pocket sandwiches had fully cooked in the freezer compartment," Weald said.

"Whatever did this must have come through the walls," said Weald.

Police confirm that Weald's security system, deadbolt, and chain lock functioned perfectly throughout the night of the mutilation.

Efforts to conduct video surveillance at the crime scene have been frustrated by darkness inside the refrigerator.

However, NASA researchers believe that the tofu mutilators' origin may be otherworldly.

"There have been increased reports of crop circles in soybean fields, and of UFO sightings near the star Vega," a NASA source revealed.

Investigators say that Weald's is the strangest kitchen incursion since the Beef-Stock Mutilations of 1979, which claimed over 150 Nebraskan bouillon cubes.