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I want to thank everyone for their kind comments to my last blog entry. I've decided that rather than focusing on everything that I can't control, I'll focus on the things that I can. I've been pretty much a downer lately with my mom's parents on the brain, and now the rest of my family. Since I can't bring back the dead, there isn't a thing I can do to change what happened with my Mom's parents so there is no use in dwelling on it. With my grandparents and the rest of my family... I can't change their behavior. Nothing I do or say is going to make them behave differently, and I just need to accept that, as a whole, the majority of the people in my family are pretty self centered. There are a few of us who escaped that genetic fault, and we all would love to escape the others. You can't choose your family, though, so I'll love them and try to forgive and forget. It isn't something easy for me to do, but I'll take your advice on that, Rich, and make it happen.

Anyway, since that is all stuff I have no power to fix or change, I'm going to focus on what I can fix. I've spent the last 4 years in college taking classes online, and it has monopolized too much of my time. I'm ashamed to admit that I feel my relationship with my son has suffered for it, because I've not always had the time I would like to devote to him. Even though I stay at home, I've spent much of my days reading text books and typing papers. The couple of hours I could carve out for him seem stingy when I stay home all day. It has been more simple since I've moved to only half-time on courses, but having a second child has further divided my attention. So, new plan. Each day we are going to try and do something together. While the weather is still nice we will go outside to the playground and the park. I'm trying to assemble some fun craft ideas for us to make during the winter when the rain keeps us inside most days. There will also be time set aside for the three of us to play with toys, puzzles, books, etc. These are all things that I can do with both of my children, but I also need to set aside some time to do something special with them individually each week.

I'm also going to carve 30 minutes to an hour out of each day for going to the gym. I can take the kids, and we spent almost an entire hour there tonight. They have a room set up for families, and I was able to exercise while the kids played with toys. It worked out great, and I wasn't worrying about what they were doing at home while I was gone. We all had a good time, and I actually had to drag Garrick away when it was time to go home. He kept insisting that mommy exercise some more:lol: It benefits us all, so I love the idea.

I am also planning to use an hour each evening to write. Whether I write on Kings, Queens, and Pawns or some other story, I need to have a set time to do it. I am going to finish up all of the various projects I have going, and try to focus on only a single thing at a time. I need to finish a baby blanket for my cousin in the next three or four weeks, and I also need to complete Victoria's quilt. Finally, I need to make one more baby blanket for another pregnant cousin.

When I'm not doing all of these things, I'm going to get my resume together and begin the application process for jobs. Now, after reading this again, i just need to find a way to make a day longer than 24 hours:D Any ideas on that one??? More seriously, I am due to finish school in 4 short weeks. 4 months after that I'll be moving to Ohio with both kids. I would like to have all my odd projects finished, and I would really like to have my story written and ready for editing. I also am trying to get in good physical shape so I can have more confidence at interviews and not be worrying over whether or not I look fat in my suit. It's a lot to cram into my days, but I figure I can do it. With everything going on, I'll not have the time to worry or dwell on other issues with my family, and it should give my temper time to simmer down. When I'm as angry as I am now it just burns cold, and the only cure is time and some distractions. If these don't take care of it, then the problem is much worse than I thought and I'll move onto Plan B. I'll just consider moving somewhere else. We've been talking about Dayton or even somewhere in Kentucky. Somewhere close, but not so close that everyone is right there on top of us.