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After almost 16 years at AAA and about 13 of them in dispatch I make the mistake of thinking I've heard it all. It's my considered belief that humanity is pretty much the same all over--if it happens here in Ohio it's also happening in New York (but being ignored--with contempt), in Chicago IL with rage and Wow Man in California.

I still wish I had a dollar for every AAA member that locks themselves out of the car.

And fifty for the ones that lock themselves IN the car.

When this happens it is always greeted with "Are you kidding me!!??"

As if my all important real work is being interrupted. Especially if I'm playing the Reader's Digest.com mah jong game which is on a 10 minute timer with two levels to play Hulk Smash with.

The calltakers usually respond with "No I'm not and they are freaking out!!!!"

Now usually its a child or a dog that's hit the magic get out of town button with keys inside. Those security locks are touchy and turn on with a fiendish sense of bad timing for the members.

In the latest case on what was a quiet Sunday afternoon two adults were locked inside a vehicle--don't remember which make/model but rare the cars my guys can't get into or apply a brick to. Repossession is their fall back vocation.

What made this of interest was that the lamenting prisoners claimed to be running out of air and could not breathe. Hurry, hurry--a drowning man fifty feet below surface had a better chance of survival then they.

Well of course they were in Springfield.

And wanted a tow after gaining life, liberty and the pursuit of a brain and a clue. By the grace of God (and this is important) I had a driver literally down the street picking up a car and he had observed the frantic inside/outside walking around said vehicle like vultures on carrion waiting for the last gasp before the dinner bell. I inform his dispatcher to let them loose but finish the one tow and maybe they'll be settled down and aclimated to the Clark County atmosphere and functional when he returns.

Turns out said prisoner was a minister who surely thanked the Lord for his swift deliverance from glory. I was mildly irritated. Ministers are stereotyped as being calm centers in storms but then again the Lord's disciples had a bad day at sea one time and Peter got an impromptu dunking for the doubting. And no he wasn't on oxygen--I checked because when the plea for air came in I snapped if a 911 call was needed or not. Many a threatened lawsuit against AAA is checkmated by that offer. Turn down the swiftest emergency response available and you can't cry later about our arrival times.

The other prize pupil was the proud owner of a motorcycle that he just could not get started. Our driver arrives, sets himself in the power seat and turns the handle as he applies pressure on the button.

The motorcycle firing up would give the Ghost Rider a thrill to hear.

The member had been trying to start his cycle by using the turn signal button.

I contemplate the future. There are still interesting members in my future and I need fear ennui and boredom no longer as I inch my way to retirement.