The Nation of the Glorious Turnip

The great library from outer space

The great library from outer space is the place from which all books originate. It can be a dangerous place, but overall, it’s the great library from outerspace.
(Much of this exists thanks to Nightshade, whom I would like to thank for being a well of silly creativity.)

The opening of the great ledger:
The true librarians of earth find the great library and lone books but never return them, thus the earth has an enormous fine outstanding to the great library, as it is written down in the great ledger.

The fine can only be paid if the librarian from the great library from outer space goes to his son’s birthday party. As his son blows out all the supernovas on his birthday cake, the fine is forgiven, because that is the bet he has with his son. By doing this humanity can spend eternity in the great library! Such is the sacrifice of the son, to forgo a new bike on his birthday, so all of humanity can escape a huge fine.

-The end of the opening of the great ledger.

The original ledger is for his eyes only.

When a book falls of a shelf it has been corrupted.
The books that have been corrupted, will all be cast out of the library and send to earth, to spend eternity there.
Not all the books on earth are corrupted; some are on permanent loan, as it is written down in the Great Ledger.

The story of the creation of the great ledger

The men actually did everything whereas the women all had tea parties.
The original tea party was held near a big tree, which was subsequently cut down by men and made into paper for the big ledger.

Excerpts and teachings from the great ledger
As chronicled by the great fine master, in his official writing titled: The collected teachings of the Great Ledger

- Genetics are imaginary, only books are real.

- French novels are the most corrupted books on the planet. Reading them nets a big fine, and afterwards it is required to recite the opening of the great ledger twice.

- To spread the teachings of the great ledger one must posses one of the official incorrect translations of the original great ledger.

- The incorrect translations of the great ledger are the only true words of the Librarian, as translated from the original ledger ten thousand years ago. The translations have since been updated to include the latest fines.

- The fine is everything, if you know your fine, you can bribe yourself into the great library.

- The great ledger says that the biggest fine is applied for propagating a different set of beliefs from that of the great ledger.

- The ancient scrolls are not part of the canonical telling of the great ledger except of course for the ancient scroll of the Bahamas.

- The under-clerks are a figment of imaginary lust towards the teachings of the unholy small ledger, which has since been exposed as a false interpretation of the incorrect translation of the great ledger.

- The floating library is just another incorrect tale of those with a limited belief in the powers of the great ledger

- The great ledger is truth in a lunchbox.

- Bob is not allowed to read books, or lent books, or even gaze upon the great ledger, Bob must never come in contact with the great ledger, or risk exposing the true workings of the universal nature in which Bob operates. Therefore, only other Bob may read the great ledger.

- Only false scrolls are written in gold, to draw the eye of the innocent away from the true message of the great ledger

- The great ledger foundation is dedicated to the enlightenment of the world, wherever it appears, the great ledger is not far behind, spreading all that is good about the great library from outer space, as detailed in the chronicles of the first fine-master

- Recite the opening of the ledger twice a day to clear the small fines of the day.

- When the Librarian says it is time to read, always on the second day after daybreak, all must read from the great tale of the secondary librarian.

- The tale of the secondary Librarian tells of the days when he wrote down the tale of the master writer.

- The master writer teaches all to write in unintelligible ways by blotting down random passages from a Science fiction writer in a way that is appealing to many and understood by none.

- All fines are equal, except those that do not have an equal monetary value. Thus no fines are equal except those that are made equal by way of equal monetary value. The only way a fine can be equal is if it pertains to an equal situations of having an outstanding fine.

- Weapons of mass reading are forbidden. The under-clerks use this method by requesting every request form in 10 fold, thus creating a basis for mass reading and mass writing, the latter of which is encouraged as massively written in the great ledger appendix 7 section B, paragraph 4.

- The dominant form of lending is done by way of equal sharing. One does not get to read a book when another desires to read the book, none shall read the book until one no longer desires to read the book, upon which the other gets to read the book.

- No book shall be torn in half by midgets called Bob or Tail.


And there you have it, a brief introduction to the great library from outerspace.