Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

So. I’m back online. Not that I was ever actually offline. I finally gave in and created a Microsoft account, more fuss than it needed to be, and now I’m giving Office a one month trial. I don’t really see the point of the newer things. I only really use Word but never mind. I’ve put in a request for Office for my birthday so we’ll see how it goes. If It doesn’t then I’ll just have to get it myself at some point.

So. How was my Christmas? Well. Steadily fading from memory. The run up to Christmas was a bit hectic. Again we didn’t put the decorations up until late but I’ve figured out why that is, aside from incredible laziness. They fall down. A lot. So why put them up earlier and have to keep putting them back up. We stick them to the ceiling with some white tac and a long pole which is generally easier. We used to have to climb a ladder and pin them to the ceiling, we have a high ceiling. Sometimes, on a tricky bit, mum had to hammer it in, which made removal oh so much fun. And of course I had to wear shoes or slippers the whole time because sometimes the pins would fall out. I’m not a fan of slippers. My feet sweat. And after a week or so they start feeling nasty because the softness has been trampled and sweated out.
On the subject of slippers, I happen to have some. They’re little bunnies and I’ve named them flip and Flop. So what makes them different. I rarely wear them barefoot. I always wear my snuggle socks, which are not so snuggly now. It wasn’t very cold over Christmas. But after that it started getting cold and my feel got quite cold. So I figured this would solve the issue. Now It’s kind of weird being barefoot on the carpet. But that’ll change as it gets warmer.

Ah yes. The run up to Christmas. Our usual shopping day happened to fall on the 23rd so we’d had to save getting the perishables until then. Vegetables, meats, bread and cream. The turkey, of course was the exception, coming from a butcher. Mum’s not a fan of frozen turkeys because they need to thaw. I think she had a bad experience with one before. Also there’s no room in our freezer and it doesn’t really work anyway, just here and there when it feels like it. Which does make me wonder why I still get ice cream when I have to eat it in one day, ideally, but I usually eat it in two or three. You’re not supposed to eat it once it’s melted, even if it has managed to refreeze. I’m not certain on the exact particulars but basically bacteria happens and it kind of separates into a kind of foamy-ness and watery mess and if you’re stupid enough to eat it you deserve all the digestive upset you get. Because you do. I’m trying to cut down on my dairy intake because I have it in pretty much every meal at the moment in one way shape or form. It’s not really working.

Ah. I got side-tracked again. Shopping. Well we managed to get almost everything. For some reason they were out of Pigs in blankets, regular bacon, reasonably priced cocktail sausages and chocolate logs. I scoured the meat aisles a few times. In the end I just picked up the only bacon and sausages I could find (Tesco Finest, and more darned expensive despite lacking delicious bacon-ey taste) and figured, it’s not hard to wrap some streaky bacon round a little sausage. Before they started selling them premade, that’s how mum used to do them. Mum had also searched every aisle (we split up during shopping, it’s quicker). She told me about a woman asking where the pigs in blankets were and a guy said he’d looked everywhere and there were none to be found. I’m paraphrasing. I can’t remember what she actually told me they said. And I just kept thinking it’s not hard to make them. Well, it is if they’re sold out of bacon too .
Then onto the chocolate log. They had some the week before but I felt I’d already picked up enough things for Christmas that week and would get one the next week. Well they were all out. Completely. The only chocolate logs to be found were “fresh” cream ones. Which go out of date in about three days if your lucky. But because we always have one we couldn’t not this year. So we got it. Then I had the bright idea of making my own. It’s basically a Swiss roll covered in chocolate. How hard could it be? Not very it turns out.
I got a chocolate fondant kind of thing, then some squeezy chocolate “buttercream” style icing and to top it all off, chocolate orange segments. I made it a couple of days after Christmas and it was okay. I spread icing on the roll to act as glue, rolled out the fondant and wrapped it on the roll, very roughly, then because I still had a lot of squeezy icing left, squeezed it all over the log and dragged some lines across with a fork. Then topped with chocolate orange segments and some Christmas cake sprinkles (little green trees and little red balls. I arranged them to try to look like holly. It was passable) then dusted with icing sugar. It was pretty good, almost looked like it could have been shop quality. The rolled icing was quite sickly, even by my standards but it was okay.
I also got some chestnuts to roast this year. Once or twice when I’ve been in Central London I’ve gone by street vendors selling roasted chestnuts and they always smell so good. I’d never had them before, though I’ve wanted to. Mum dissuaded me by pointing out they’d be tricky to cook. Well. This year I read the label. They can go in the oven. The only tricky thing is knowing how deep to cut the X on them. So I roasted them, again, after Christmas. Not sure I cooked them quite enough because only a few split open. I had to peel the rest and I think I ate some of the furry part of the shell. But they were pretty nice. I ended up eating most of them because mum didn’t want them. As if I wasn’t eating enough fattening things, now I had a bag of chestnuts to snack on. I’d gotten them a week or two before Christmas so they were passed their use by date. I looked this up and apparently they can go bad quickly. I read that if they’re bitter then they’re bad. Since I’d never had then before it was hard to tell for sure but not a single one tasted bitter to me. I actually saved one or two which had little sprouts, thinking that maybe I’d try and plant them. I’d forgotten that until now. Doubt I’d actually do it anyway.

Now Christmas day. That was a trying day again. This time it was mostly all my fault. I got up later than I’d planned. Mum had stated that she hadn’t been able to get me much this year. I was completely fine with it and had no expectation of us doing our little exchange this year. She surprised me with some little somethings. She got me a set of earphones, not really sure why because she got some when she bought my ipod a few years ago and I still haven’t used them. She also got me a 2016 diary. Originally I got my first one in January but then she got my subsequent ones for Christmas, so I don’t really have much of a say in regards to design and layout, but this one’s a pretty one. Is it bad that I think there was a third little thing but can’t remember what it was or if it actually existed? I didn’t have a little something for her this year because I only had two items.
The whole time I kept wondering if we were running late. I was sure that I should be getting ready by now, but not sure enough to do it. Normally Napoleon calls when he’s about to leave and is surprised that I’m up. Mum assured me that it was fine. But it got later and later and he hadn’t called. I did wonder if something was up. It wasn’t, don’t worry.
Then he turned up, without having called us. Now, we knew he would be coming. I inquired whether he would be joining us this year. Just to reiterate he wasn’t being a complete ******* last year, he had something to do that meant he’d have to go early and just didn’t think to tell us that beforehand. Yes, I wrote *** instead of arse because I couldn’t be bothered to censor myself.
Mum assured me that it was fine. I had plenty of time since he hadn’t called. Oh well maybe it is getting a little late. Maybe you should get ready now, just in case. I figured I’d have a quick breakfast first. Just as I was about to, Napoleon turned up. And I wasn’t even dressed. And he had a large, heavy item in his arms which is the expensive item I requested but felt the need to state that if he didn’t want to he didn’t HAVE to buy because I didn’t like him to feel like he absolutely HAD TO. My new computer. I am very grateful and there is no sarcasm in that. It’s quite a leap because my old one was Vista and this is Windows 10. Useful updates for Vista were thin on the ground and most sites were phasing out IE9 and I couldn’t update beyond that on vista. Also I’ve had it for quite a long time now and it was getting slow. So those are the reasons I requested a new one.

………………Any and all hope of continuing writing after mum comes home goes out the window……

So. Feeling cheerful and not trying to upset anyone, in fact trying to be mildly humorous I made a statement like No phone call? But not with a nasty tone. Napoleon took offence to this and got mad at me. Well. That’ll teach me to try and be funny now won’t it. He pointed out that I know what time he usually turns up and I should be ready and he’s standing out there in the cold and holding this heavy item and he’s not happy being greeted with this comment. This made me upset. I was attempting humour. I failed. Mum understood. He didn’t. I guess this is because we never really see each other so he doesn’t have a single clue about my sense of humour or mannerisms or anything. I’ve never been good with timing and it’s only these days that I have a rough understanding of how things are timed during Christmas.
So I dashed upstairs, suddenly feeling very down and a little tired. I get tired when I’m sad. I ended up getting a bit choked up. I the house had been empty then I would have cried but I don’t like doing it when people are around. I couldn’t prevent a little snivelling and eye watering but I hoped that would be got rid of by the time I went back downstairs. Napoleon didn’t seem to notice, realise, care that I was upset. Mum knew. I eventually managed to get over it. It was all fine really.

We went to see my uncle. Had dinner. Exchanged gifts. I got mum a box of Baileys truffles and a kettle. It’s an odd gift but I thought it was quite clever. Something she’d never expect and would like and use every day. We each gave Napoleon a jumper and I gave him a steam train DVD book set.
He, of course, gave me a lovely Windows 10 PC which I set up and Norton internet security. He got mum a bottle of Baileys and an M&S voucher. Mum got me a new computer chair which was a complete and very welcome surprise. My old one has to be at least ten years old by now and it’s very uncomfortable. So I put that together too. It is nice and comfortable.

I have other things to report but, like I said, it’s hard to concentrate when mum comes home.

Bluebiird out.