day in a life

Well, since I started this again I'll write again.

My son left yesterday to spend a month with his dad and family. It is always odd when he leaves, before he goes I think about how I'll enjoy having no responsibility and I can just come home after work and eat dinner at 5 if I want too (when I am alone I tend to eat dinner two or three times, I think I have Hobbit genes) watch tv 'till I fall asleep or read with no one interrupting me. But the minuet he leaves I just want to sit down and stare into space. I love being alone in general and I have no problems with not speaking to anyone for a long time, sometimes I go weekends without human contact and they are the best. But knowing it is going to be a month until I see him is always weird. I have a million things I want to do and every summer I tell myself that maybe I'll go out and meet somebody new and do something, but I never do.

I am very lucky because I know he is in very good hands, he has a fine dad and a wonderful step mom who takes good care of him. His dad doesn't always get him and he kinda wants him to be more like himself. His dad loves cars and would play with him all day long if my son liked cars, but he never has, not as a small child and not now. He likes LEGO and books and making things like masks or outfits, and yes he likes video games. He is 9 and all of a sudden computers are the most interesting thing.

I am probably a very annoying mom, I can talk about my son for hours. I can talk about my dogs for hours too though.

I am working in a garden this summer, helping kids and families growing vegetables and such. I decided to get a job that is very different from school work. After spending all winter in front of a computer and reading I just wanted physical work. It has been very good and kinda cleansing, I read during my lunch break and I am so tired when I get home. Animal planet has become my buddy.

I think about my friend a lot, he will be buried tomorrow. Life is complicated, and I have been told that I tend to make it a lot more complicated than it needs to be. I can't really control my thoughts and ideas that pop in.

I was diagnosed with OCD last winter and social anxieties, I knew I had both those things but after talking to the specialist she wanted me to get therapy, that is just really expensive and I think I can handle it still. I know that my OCD gets worse every year, and really every semester. My anxieties were at an all time high last semester and I am surprised I got through it with good grades. But I am already thinking about the work that lies ahead next fall. I will start my MA thesis and that is really really scary, my idea might be terrible and I might be very bad at it. This time next year I will hopefully have finished my MA and then I am going to get a diploma in translations and hope for the best.

I have to get ready for work now, and wonder what to do with the rest of my summer... I have a bit of Shakespeare to read to prepare for my thesis and that is always fun.