Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

Continuing from part 1

On the way back Napoleon talked a little.
Basically he said that he wasn't mad at anything specifically but just generally mad over the whole of things regarding me. Kind of anger that built up over the year and isn't regarding one specific thing.
Also that mum being mad at him was, I believe the word was b******s but can't be completely sure on my memory there, but then acknowledged that maybe he should have told her earlier but that he was still silly to react that way.
That I need to sort my life out etc. That he'll keep an eye out for any work for me. That it's not easy to do so. And when he had me working with him before that was just lucky and that he'd hoped that after working with him then I would maybe rest up for a couple of weeks and then get out there and get a job. Idiot. Naive. Stupid. Moron. We all thought that I'd open up a bit and grow up when I went to Uni. Now mum and I admit that that was very naive and that we should have realised that it wouldn't magically fix everything. Now. If going to university for three years couldn't get me out into the world what the hell made Napoleon think that a month of working with him and feeling belittled by him would get me out into the real world? No. If anything it enabled me to stay huddled up at home for longer. Idiot. Since I was trying to keep the peace I fought the urge to either laugh, smile or sneer at that idea.
Also, that, thinking about it, he hadn't seen his brother since last Christmas. So, so in response to mum's little outburst it should be noted that he barely even see's his own brother. Kind of implying that I'm not special and that he neglects all his family.
Then again. it should be pointed out that they've just seen each other and have plans top meet two days after (I didn't like to ask what for).
He also clarified to me that he wasn't not staying for dinner because he was angry with me, although he was angry with me, but that he needed to be somewhere to see something in daylight. And that he wasn't just going to dash straight off. He'd go when we had dinner.

When we got home I tried to get in ahead of him without making it obvious that I was doing so to tell mum and to keep him from looking into the kitchen. I didn't want any more sparks between them because it would be hard to try and keep my visage of nicety.
I managed to shut the door on the pretence of keeping the dog out of the kitchen. Mainly we don't want him looking in there and complaining about the mess and getting in mum's way normally, but I especially didn't want him doing that today.
When she came in he explained what he'd told me, about him not just dashing straight off, and that it wasn't out of spite and that he had to be somewhere.
When he went on the roof to fix the leak in my room he'd left a wire hanging down by my window. In earlier phone conversation I'd asked him about it and he'd said he'd deal with it. He just got some pliers, stood on my windowsill, leaned out and cut it. I could have done that. I just wanted to be assured that it wasn't important or something. But no. He said he'd deal with it at Christmas. He went in my room with his shoes on. I have a cream carpet. And it's my bedroom. So I'm very uncomfortable walking in there with my boots, and at least I know where my boots have been.

While we were there I pointed out that we have a dish of radiator keys that we never use in the bathroom (my key is in my room because I have a "problem radiator") and since he was seeing my uncle on Saturday he could either give him the key or use it on the radiators himself (like I said, don't know what the arrangements are). He had a look at them and said it was a good idea but they were cheap and thin and would probably snap. He took one anyway and told me to remind him.

Then he went looking at the cracks in the walls, wondering if the neighbour's trees were causing them. Then he went into the kitchen to look outside. Now. Normally he finds if funny if he realises that mum doesn't like him in the kitchen, kind of like she's gone a little crazy and this annoys her. But I was worried about the tension this year so I couldn't very well make any attempts to actively keep him out. So we had to just pretend that it didn't bother us.

Since he wasn't staying for dinner we had to open gifts early. Normally we open a couple then have dinner, then open the rest, and Napoleon finishes before us and gets up early and keeps asking if we're going to open presents and when we're finished but a little too stuffed to feel like moving for a bit he brings something over. Seriously. What's the rush old man? You should pace yourself with presents because it's not nice to tear into them all in the first five minutes like a greedy child.

Normally I like to wait until we're all together to open presents, mainly because it feels like the right and proper thing to do. But this year it was clear that all presents involving Napoleon had to be done before dinner, his to us and ours to him but mum and I could save our presents for eath other until after dinner.
Napoleon gave me Assassin's Creed Rogue for xbox 360 (because that's what I have). I don't really play it any more but I lied and said that I did to keep tensions down, mainly because it's a hassle to set up, I can't really sit in a good place to play it and I feel guilty for doing so instead of working, but Napoleon told me that it's possible to play it on my PC monitor. Didn't know that. So I'm anxious to give it a go. I have a spare monitor cable and I think it has two slots so it shouldn't be too much trouble to plug and unplug and all. Every year when he asks me if I still play xbox he asks me if I put it on the big tv and every year I tell him no because when he gave it to me he told me not to put it on the main tv because it could leave and image on it or something like that and it actually comes with a warning saying the same thing. But now every time I tell him that he says it's rubbish. You're the one who told me that in the first place old man.
He also gave me a toblerone (usually he does that for mum but I warned him off of getting sweets a few years ago because she was not fond of it and I told him that if he did that it couldn't be dark or white chocolate.) One year he got her three giant toblerones, one dark, one milk and one white and the same with chocolate oranges. I had to eat all of the dark chocolate ones and most of the white. I didn't mind but for mum it was a pretty crappy gift since I had to eat most of it. She doesn't like dark chocolate and white chocolate can be too sickly for her.
He also gave us some slippers from his trip to Canada. And gave me a cash sum. Respectfully I will not tell you the amount. It was a little less than last year but that's fine.
Now. As with last year he still seems to think that this was his idea. Not so. Last year, or maybe it was the year before, not entirely sure anymore, in the run up to Christmas he asked what to get me and, as I couldn't think of anything, I said that if he really was stuck and felt he should give something then it might as well be cash. I specified no amount, the decision was to be his alone. But in my mind I was thinking just how much am I worth to you old man?
I'm a very reserved person and I don't like to ask for gifts, especially if I think I'm going to be laughed at for wanting something, I feel that it is too pricey or I am embarrassed to admit that I want such a thing or I know that it's something I'll get bored of and will feel guilty about it later. With cash I can buy something I like but wouldn't ask for.

Now. Napoleon seems to think that he came up with the idea. I see no point in arguing the matter too much.
This year he stated that it was less than last year. I said that it was fine and thank you. Then he said that he was between the cash and something else but in the end he thought the cash better suited my needs or something at this moment and that he wasn't trying to buy my love (because apparently I made a casual, joking remark like that last Christmas and it annoyed him even though I denied that I really thought that at the time and further denied it this time too (even though I do really think that and have thought so since my teens to some degree. I feel that now, Napoleon is only good for two things, fixing stuff around the house and money one way or another, that's honestly the only impact he has on my life anymore) and, to ease tensions, I tried to falsely apologise sincerely). But he rather upset me so once I was free from conversation I went into the hallway and strangled his coat a couple of times until I felt better. Besides. If he was that angry and that offended then he didn't have to give money at all. Does he feel that he's obliged to give a certain number of things or spend a certain amount on me or something? Because if so that's the wrong way to think.

I have sometimes wondered where I got my ability to hold a longstanding grudge. Because I do. I hold a lot of grudges. Turns out it came from Napoleon. Another wonderful trait to have. I hate to admit that I have more in common with him than I had previously thought. I seem to have all of his worst traits. Lucky me. I probably carry the genes for inherent male baldness as well. A good reason not to procreate.
He also gave me this year's internet security.
He gave mum a gift card, a regular bottle of Baileys and the slippers.

I gave him a little claw hammer with a magnetic end (because I thought it might be handy) that apparently is too small to use properly so is useless. Great. Two small puzzle brainteaser things, a wooden one and a metal one, he seemed amused by them but can't be sure if it was genuine or not.
I also gave him the Guinness World Records 2015. Because mum got me one for 2000 and I kept repeating facts. She told me that a long time previously Napoleon had been given a Guinness World Records book and annoyed everyone by telling them various facts and records. When I saw it it reminded me of that story and I was stuck for ideas so it seemed like a good idea. He seemed genuinely amused by it but who knows with him. Turns out he's even harder to read than I first thought.

Mum got him a thermal vest and a hat (she go the same for my uncle) and a mug with a steam train (because he likes steam trains) and some socks.

I didn't wait for mum to be in the room for gift opening this time, what with the time restraints and the tensions. Mum set the table a little earlier than usual (well, there was less to cook) and tried to light the candles. But they wouldn't light. So I got a knife and started carving off the rims so they didn't smother the flames too much. Napoleon tried to direct me a little but I pretended to acknowledge him while ignoring him. I tried to light them but hadn't remover enough wax. I ended up cutting the wick of one so had to cut it further. Napoleon said it should light now but I went all around to be sure. He said that I should've just melted the wax but I felt like cutting, fire can be more unpredictable than a knife in steady hands.
Then he wanted to light the candles. Not sure why but I let him. He said that the turkey smelt good and he was regretting not being able to stay. I couldn't help thinking good. I asked what he'd do for turkey. He said he'd get some somewhere.
Mum started to dish up so he said goodbye and left.
I'd originally planned for me, mum and the dog to all wear our reindeer antlers but when Napoleon called I lost all desire to do it. Mum wore hers at the table, mainly out of defiance I guess. Dinner was rather quiet.
Normally we'd have everything done and Napoleon would leave in time to get home in time for Doctor Who and I'd watch Doctor Who while mum tried to stay awake and failed. Naturally we didn't do it that way this year. Since me and mum had a slightly bigger dinner and there was no rush to do presents and pudding in time for Napoleon to get home we didn't have to rush. We exchanged presents.

I gave her a corkscrew (I had a clever plan for that that didn't work out. We'd all sit down to dinner and she'd open her bubbly and just before that I'd get a present, put it on the table and say something like "I think you'll be needing this" she'd open it and be surprised and it might come up that we already have one to which I'd reply something like "this is a downstairs corkscrew" and Napoleon would ask what we need a downstairs corkscrew for. She has the other one upstairs in her room for opening wine. But. As it turns out. That's not the kind of cork that you can use a corkscrew on. I forgot that. To top it all off i told her this when I realised this and the only thing about that gift that I still had was that she didn't know I'd gotten it, so it would be a surprise. But I ruined that by telling her about it before I gave it to her.)
I also gave her two things that she did know about. A Sherlock book. I tried to hide it at the time and I did well, until we got to the till. The cashier was too slow (because I'd told her that it was a secret from mum) but she didn't seize the several chances to scan it when mum wasn't looking and she saw it and completely ruined the surprise. I'd done so well to hide it in the trolley and all as well. Now. If I'd just stolen it then it would have still been a surprise. But anyway.
I also got her a jumper. Not a great one but I really wanted to get her a jumper. The store I originally thought of getting one from was utter crap this year.

She got me a jigsaw puzzle and a teddy bear dressing gown.

As she started falling asleep and I had a look for edges in the puzzle I reflected on the day, mainly Napoleon and started to feel a little sad. I decided that I didn't really want to watch Doctor Who and I still haven't. Which is a shame because I quite liked this series too.
I decided to sit in the dark in my room for a while. That helps when I'm sad. Then I had a little nap.

So. It's really late, practically daylight. i have a bunch of cookies to bake tomorrow/today and I really need to pee.

I think this will have to be split between two blogs. That's a shame.

End