Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

I went to see my family on Sunday. It's so far from being a family barbeque it's laughable.
We used to do this in August. Then it bumped back to September. And this time it was bumped back a whole month to October. Funny. Because just a week or so ago it was pretty okay. Our neighbours like to barbeque a lot. We hate them. Not just the barbecuing. There's other things we hate, despite the fact that we've only spoken to one of them once and that was him asking us to dig his kids' balls out of the undergrowth in our garden (it's semi wild you know)and give them back to him. I'm not going to whine about it. It's irrelevant.

So.
We got ready. We were running late. But that's par for the course with us (psyched about using that phrase, I've been thinking about it for about a week).

I had already planned roughly what I'd say when my uncle called to find out if we'd left or not.
I was in a cheerful mood so I answered the phone with "Yo!". Naturally that confused him a little but as least he didn't think it was mum who'd answered the phone.

I told him we were running a bit late because I'd had to walk the dog to tire her out a bit, since she get's separation anxiety. We haven't been able to officially confirm this but after a Christmas family visit a year or so ago a couple of days later our neighbour asked if we'd been out, because the dog had been making noise then. She assured us that the dog hadn't disturbed her but that it "sounded so sad". So it's pretty safe to assume she has separation anxiety. Like it's pretty safe to assume that I have social anxiety. What a pretty pair we make.

He asked when we'd get there. Mum was upstairs so I asked her for an estimate. She put it around twenty past. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. My instinct was to ignore her and say half past but I ignored that and went with her estimate. She told me to tell him start without us. Generally the food isn't opened up for grazing until all or the general bulk of the family is there.

Now. By this point I hadn't actually walked the dog. I had every intention of doing so though, when I told him I had. Since I was ready first it made sense for me to walk her. It was only a short walk due to the time constraints and she knew something was up because I never/very rarely walk her in daylight. There are more people in daylight. And I wear black which shows up all the dog hair. Mum was almost ready so by the time I got back we should've been ready to go.

Well. She ran into let's say digestive complaints. I bring it up so shamelessly because it's ironic. Over the years I've usually been the one with that problem. It's one of the numerous reasons I was always late for school (it actually comes under a general dome of lazy/sluggishness, particularly in the mornings). Well, at school you generally just pee so it's either do it in the morning or wait until you get home quite a few hours later. You especially didn't want to do such a thing after the toilets outside the library flooded and backed up completely. That smell never went away, a whole chunk or corridor was tainted. But I digress.

Of course I was pretty annoyed, since I was ready. Normally the situation is reversed and mum's just yelling at me from downstairs to get my arse into gear....She means to hurry up with whatever I may be doing (usually getting dressed by that point) not the aforementioned process specifically. So this was a nice time for a spot of revenge.
Yelling up the stairs has never worked on me. She did it throughout my entire school life. Little did she realise that I often went back to bed for ten to fifteen minutes. If she'd actually come upstairs to yell at me maybe that behaviour could've been nipped in the bud but she didn't. She came up to make sure I was awake then plodded off downstairs, without even waiting until I got out of bed, and then just yelled from downstairs.

Seriously.
Parents out there.
If you are afflicted by a particularly lazy child who refuses to get up on time I would advise something drastic. Literally drag them out of bed if you have to. You need to put in some additional effort and they might hate you for it but it's a slippery slope to that black hole of laziness. Once they learn the consequences of not getting up on time they'll stop sleeping in.

Again. I digress. Badly.

So. It was more twenty to when we finally left. I was annoyed because when the situations were reversed it was one rule for me and another for mum. That's hardly fair.

You want to know the worst thing about it all?

We were late.

But we were the first ones to arrive.

Man did I feel guilty for nagging.

Turns out the others (coming from around Essex, it's an hour or so drive in good traffic) were running very late and hadn't even left yet.

One of my cousins had a netball game she couldn't get out of. My other cousin had been doing something, I think it was work around the house, or maybe a job or something, and by the time he was supposed to pick the others up he hadn't even showered. So they were delayed considerably.

My other uncle (who is an in-law) was going to come but he called on Saturday to say he was very sick (either flu or a bad cold) and couldn't come, even though he really wanted to (He's the husband of my aunt who died of cancer).

And the cousin playing netball would be coming without her boyfriend (who usually comes too) because he was house sitting for a friend who lived quite a way away from them.

It was cold and dismal.

Now. When my uncle called to find out where we were. It would have been nice if he'd told us everyone was going to be late. Then I wouldn't have been nagging mum so much and I wouldn't be feeling a wee bit guilty at that point. Because he would have known by that point. They would have called him when they realised they were going to be so late. He's just not very forthcoming with...well anything.

The cat was there when we got in. He normally runs away for the day when they start getting ready for a gathering because he doesn't like strangers and he knows my aunt will bring her dog, Rosie. Rosie can go because she's small. But we have to leave poor Yuki all alone because she's too big. It's not fair . As soon as he saw us he went to hide behind the television. He stayed there all day. I was worried he'd curl up and die back there. He's a ginger cat. I had a ginger cat. It stirs things up a bit for me. We'll come back to him later.

I took some delicately iced rose water biscuits. Mainly because I'd wanted to twin this cool rose patterned icing technique with rose water biscuits and since it took about five hours to do and then a further twenty four hours to completely set, there was no point just doing it so I could eat them at home. It would've been a waste of effort. Because the icing had so set for a day the biscuits were a bit soft, but I preferred it that way, I can't' eat biscuits that are too hard, they hurt my teeth. In the evening, when people finally started eating them, they went down pretty well. But back to the chronological order of things.

We were late but first to arrive.

So. We had to sit there. Listening to the little events in their lives. To be honest I didn't really care. I just listened to music and watched the birds out the window, now and again pausing to hear something quite interesting. They had a young relative stay for a while which was something of a fiasco. She was the niece or third cousin or something of my uncle's wife. She was visiting London from somewhere overseas, on her way up to visit family somewhere in Scotland I think.

She was supposed to come later in the week. But then came early. Luckily they had the spare room ready in time. But she'd got an earlier flight so her luggage hadn't made it. She wouldn't be there long so in the end there wasn't any point getting it sent there, it made more sense to sent it to where she was going and she'd meet it there. Not sure what she wore during her short stay at my uncle's though, if she didn't have luggage.
They didn't really have much in for dinner so they bought a frozen pizza and served it with salad. It was awful pizza, they'll never get it again, and she doesn't eat vegetables. Next day they went out for a meal. She only ate the meat. They went sightseeing but they're old and my uncle's wife has leg problems so they had to leave her to her own devices because she wanted to do more sightseeing while they trundled off home. Visiting the tower of London is expensive even for pensioners. Fifty two pounds was mentioned but you can opt out of the two pounds because it's a donation to something that they tack onto the entry fee. Next night they gave her a choice between two restaurants. She picked the Chinese which was the more expensive of the two.
That's about that.

Also mum mentioned her leg pain and all that. My uncle's wife told her about the various medication she's on. She has a fast hart and the medication she's on for that gives her terribly swollen ankles. The doctor tried her on something else but that had more side effects so she rejected it. When she went to get a prescription the pharmacist said the dosage she was prescribed was too high. When she first got put onto her medication the pharmacist got very friendly with her since it was her first time on that medication and it can have side effects so the pharmacist kept in touch with her to check up on her and make sure she was alright. Not so much now though.

(Btw I call her my uncle's wife so as not to mix her up with the aunt from around Essex and the one that's dead. It takes too long to type either of those in.)

Then my aunt came with most of the Essex bunch, including the one who had been playing netball and the dog. My other cousin and her boyfriend (who was coming) were still running late. So we were allowed to start eating.
My uncle tried to set up the chocolate fountain he brings out every year but it wouldn't work. He hadn't cooked the chocolate right this year. He thought he'd overcooked it but I'm not so sure. The first time the he did it he burnt the chocolate, the fountain worked but it was a little gritty. It was fun though, gave it an interesting texture. This time the chocolate was just a bit too thick. I'm an amateur expert at cooking chocolate so I tried to fix it by agitating the chocolate (you have to stir it. It only melts evenly if you keep moving it). It got to the top but was cooling down before it could start flowing. It just wasn't thin enough. Eventually I had to dive up. It was still soft though so people could dip into it.
Then my other cousin finally arrived.
Typical family gathering. Family. Food. Hugs. Gossip/life events.

Things are not going well with the children. They weren't there, none of my second cousins were there. They never are for that gathering.

As you recall. There are now two young children in the family. I call them Chi and Usa or my little niece and nephew (Chi is the boy and Usa is the girl, she is one year younger than the boy. Chi comes from the word Chīsai meaning small. Usa comes from Usagi meaning rabbit, or bunny) even though I am not technically their aunt. I just think it'll be easier for them to call me auntie. Their mother is the daughter of my eldest cousin, making her my second cousin and the children my third cousins. We never have occasion to socialise save for Christmas and Easter. I've never met the father but I haven't heard good things about him. I did see him briefly at my cousin's 50th birthday but we weren't properly introduced and we never spoke.

Well. My cousin and his wife have never really liked him anyway but as the boyfriend of their daughter and father of their grandchildren they've had to get on with him.

Well. It seems that he's kind of going a bit crazy. He and my second cousin have been split up for a while. But he has access to the kids still. They were living together but now they're not. And now she's with another guy who her parents are also unsure of. I'm not clear on the details because they differed slightly each time my cousin told them but they've been together between 3-6months and have known each other 1-2 years. He has moved in with her and the kids. He has two children from two prior relationships, not sure what the deal is with them but I don't think they live with him, he's currently unemployed and epileptic, it's okay for now but he is prone to fits. Despite their reservations about him my cousin and his wife can't find a solid fault with him yet. He seems okay with the kids and does work around the house so they'll have to wait and see if things work out or not.

Now. Since this guy moved in the kids' father (his name, if you recall, is Tony. I'm sure I mentioned it before because Chi's name is Hilton, a combination of his parent's names Hillary and Tony.) has gone a bit askew. Chi goes to school now. Not sure if it's actual school or nursery. He's four. Can't remember if I was in school by that age or nursery. It doesn't matter. He goes to some kind of school with teachers.
Tony has been taking him out of school every Monday. Of course he's the father, he must have a legitimate reason. He didn't. I forget why. It was for some activity or other. The teachers got concerned about this and told him he can't keep sporadically taking Chi out of school. He's going to fall behind. Tony stated that he'd teach the kids then but stumbled on how when he was asked what qualified him to teach children. Answer nothing.

My cousin describes him as the kind of person who thinks he's right even when he's not. As the kind of person who, eventually, kills the kids and then himself because he doesn't want them taken away from him. A controlling and unhinged sort of person. He is receiving some kind of help, I believe medication and/or therapy but it's not helping and he seems to be getting worse. I cannot verify any of this as I have not witnessed it first hand and people tend to have a one sided view when they're involved in these sorts of things. They may be making him out to be worse than he really is. So I can say nothing conclusive about his mental state, only what I have been told.

He is currently undertaking legal action to get custody of the kids. And because he is unemployed he gets free legal representation while my cousin is having to fork out around £3000 for solicitors and such to fight him.

My second cousin was doing a course or something a year or so ago and my cousin's wife would happily babysit the kids but Tony has used that as ammunition saying that she can't look after the kids and has to get her mother to do it. So she's stopped that to focus more on kid care. Not sure if she has a job or not. My cousin's wife has recently been made unemployed as well. I can't remember what she said she did.

Apparently Tony is not setting a good example for the kids. When he has them is seems that he caters to their whims (despite not having a job) and they're a nightmare when they come back from his place. The girl more so than the boy because she's younger. She's on her way to being a right little diva.
He keeps buying them things (despite having no job) he's bought them a staffie puppy each a kitten each, I heard mention of rabbits and fish too. And he has to care for these animals when he doesn't have the kids then care for them when he does have the kids. it makes no sense. My cousin stated that he can barely look after himself, let alone this growing menagerie. Apparently the fish died and he said that the Usa had killed them. Sure dude. Blame a three year old. I didn't even get a pet hamster until I was about six. You can't expect a three and a four year old to fully understand how to care for and appreciate so many animals or any animals for that matter. They're too young.

He had a little to do with my cousin a while ago, so my cousin tells me. Tony had the kids but didn't return them when he was supposed to. So after some arguing and seeing that he wouldn't budge my cousin called the police to get the kids. He really is worried about them. I told you what he said earlier, that he thinks Tony's the kind of person who, eventually, kills the kids and then himself.
So. They called the police. They took five hours to come and by that time it was pretty late. The officer turns up, had them explain the situation then asks if it isn't better to leave it until the morning because the kids are probably settled in bed by now and all the fuss of removing them would disturb them. The police were quite thinly spread in that area at that time. This rather started my cousin into a boiling rage which was not helpful. His wife had to step in otherwise he might have gotten himself arrested, she tells us in a kind of jovial way, as it's now a kind of almost funny story covering up some deep rooted concerns.
Eventually Tony is convinced to hand over the kids but does so as if there's been no drama at all and reminds them about when he's having the kids next (like they're the villains in this who are getting in the way of a doting father and his kids).

I only have one response to this whole situation.

Family drama.

If this whole thing could be resolved quickly and amicably then it shouldn't affect the kids too badly. But if it's as bad as my cousin tells us it is and goes on for as long as these kinds of things usually go on for both of those kids are going to be messed up. They'll be even more messed up than me, and I've been under the impression that I'm currently most messed up one in the family.

So. Oh yes. My other male cousin (I have two male cousins and two female cousins I see at these gatherings. My dead aunt had three daughters but I don't include them in my blogs because I never see them.) He recently had a bicycle accident that resulted in some bad bruises, scrapes, fractured ribs and a little ligament damage. He's been off work for three weeks and it can take up to six weeks for the fractures to heal (He looked it up quite thoroughly online, rather like me ). He can't fully raise one arm but he's been steadily stretching it so he can reach a little higher than he could before.

Also.
I've got Rosie (my aunt's dog) to a point where she sits for food so now I'm starting on paw. She mainly stayed near me because I was by the back door and the food. She didn't notice the cat. Told you I'd come back to him. I told everyone when they came in that the cat was behind the TV. Some didn't believe me until they looked for themselves. He stayed there all day. But in the evening decided to poke his head out. Then it all went down. Rosie saw him. Went for him. He swiped her but didn't cut. Rosie was eventually grabbed and (metaphorically) thrown outside while everyone tried to coax the cat out, the plan being to shut him safely in the kitchen away from Rosie. He wouldn't budge so the idea was to block the gap behind the TV with something to keep Rosie from getting him. Now with the gap safely plugged up with a bag (ironically one with cats on it ) Rosie was let back in.

This is about eight pages long so I'll come to an end.