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Halls of the Dark Muse

Having Friends is Complicated

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by
Dark Muse
, 12-23-2013 at 02:35 AM (1487 Views)
First of all by my own design and preference I don't have many friends to start with. I am very particular about the people I consider to be friends. And I think with things like Facebook the word friend gets thrown around too lightly, but the majority of the few friends I do have are long distance friendships. They are people that I have encountered over the Internet and connected with, and have formed very close bonds with which have lasted for several years or more. Me being the way I am physical contact with other people is just not something I require, it works for me to just connect with other people on a purely intellectual/emotional level and I can do that without needing their physical presence.

But anyway in part because of the nature of my friendships and in part because of the nature of my friends themselves, being rather unconventional types like me, whom don't really feel the need to conform to societies expectations or traditions, I have never actually bought gifts for, or exchanged with my friends during the holidays, it was never really something that either of us had any expectation of happening.

Now as shocking as it might be, I did fairly recently (I think it might have been sometime over the summer that we first started talking ) make a new friend. I sometimes jokingly like to say that he is still on probation because we haven't known each other that long. But he seems cool and we are actually collaborating together on this artistic project of his and technically he lives in LA but he spends a lot of time up in this end of the state because he doesn't really like the vibe in LA (Who does?) not to mention the lovely constant muddy brown colored sky.

Well anyway, as it so happens I just found that apparently he decided to go out and buy me a gift, which I really had no idea he was going to do, nor any expectation of any such thing occurring sense I have never really done that with my friends before. So now I am just like ack.... because on the one hand I hate to be that person who feels that just because someone gets you something that means you have to get them a gift in return, but on the other hand I am like, am I like a bad friend because I never even thought of getting a present for my friend?

I am not going to do some totally lame last minute shopping thing just to get him something because he got me something, but I have few things I could put together that I know he would actually appreciate.
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  1. Helga's Avatar
    Not just friends, people are complicated in almost every way. I have a few school friends and one old friend and she is the only person outside of my family I buy a present for. I always find it very hard to buy her something, this year I found a mug that has a dog on it and it says 'go fetch it, you threw it' cause one of her dogs doesn't like playing fetch.

    My school friends talked about gifts but I didn't encourage that idea and it was abandoned, I was very happy about that. I also do agree with you about Facebook, I tend to call it invisible friends for adults.
  2. Virgil's Avatar
    This really made me laugh:
    "...because he doesn't really like the vibe in LA (Who does?)"
    I see you have that upstate/downstate rivalry. But I know what you mean. There's something about LA.

    You know, when my friends and I were about your age and we were out of school and earning money, a couple of friends tried to start exchanging presents, but we put a stop to that. Like Helga says above, it's not easy to find things people need or want, and most presents are a waste. What my friends and I do now is have a holiday dinner somewhere. Which I know is not an option for you.
  3. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Haha yeah, North Cal and South Cal are really two completely different cultures. My sister lives in the LA area, and I like spending time with her, but I can only take so much of being in the whole LA scene. I cannot wait to get back up here again.

    The holiday dinner thing is what we do in the family. My immediate family all get gifts for each other, but on Yuletide Eve we get together with the aunts, uncles cousins etc. to have a dinner without gifts.
  4. Virgil's Avatar
    That sounds like a nice family tradition. What I meant about going out to dinner with my friends was that it was outside of the Christmas holidays, like this year it's going to be on the 28th.

    Also, I like most of southern Cal, just not LA. I really like the San Diego area, and even outside of LA like Fullerton is pretty nice. And Santa Barbara is one of the places i would love to live. I haven't been to northern Cal often to know the nuisances between the areas, but it's all been positive impressions. California must have been wonderful before it got over crowded.
  5. mtpspur's Avatar
    Popped back in to see if anyone was around and I find you in revealing mode of thought. I think I've learned more about you in one post then past three years. I have always taken some sort of strange comfort in knowing you are out there and NOT needing company or regular contact whereas I need it perhaps a bit too much. As to Facebook I have a few people there that I genuinely would miss in my life and in some ways have replaced LitNet --I simply do not LIKE the new formats here. All the best